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Musician in leather jacket, beard and sunglasses looking anxious holding a guitar

Treating Music Performance Anxiety by Healing Attachment Trauma

Introduction

Kenny et al (2014) present a case study of a typical professional musician suffering from music performance anxiety: a 55-year-old senior strings player in a leading Australian orchestra, named Kurt[1]. During musical performances he typically reported overwhelming anxiety, distracting physical sensations and thoughts, inability to control his arms, and striated muscle tension. This significantly detracted from both his performance and his personal enjoyment of his career[2].

Music performance anxiety is a serious problem for many professional musicians[3]. Typical symptoms while performing include overwhelming anxiety, profuse sweating, dry mouth, muscle tension, inability to focus, loss of self, loss of flow, paralysis and catastrophic performance failure. General traits common to sufferers include perfectionism, dependence on drugs and alcohol, fear of exposure, fear of failure, catastrophizing and extreme emotional distress. Such traits have consequences beyond the performance realm including poor mental and physical health. Many sufferers abandon their career in music altogether while others soldier on despite having a miserable experience[4]. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

3 Keys To Building Self-Confidence For Men

Hi, I’m Graham, and I’m on a mission to help single guys build self-confidence. Now, the reason why I care about this is I was one of those kids back in high school that always got picked last for the football team, the soccer team, the cricket team. Whatever it was, I was like the last one to be picked. And that wasn’t the only thing that happened, but the lack of self-confidence that I took from situations like that, when I took that out into the everyday world, totally didn’t work.

So when you lack self-confidence, it really sucks and it has a massive impact on your life. Now, I don’t need to tell you that if you’re a guy that doesn’t have self-confidence. And, in particular, the area that it impacts the worst is your relationships with women. So, yeah, guys, you really want to get this handled. And so what I want to do is I’m going to tell you three key steps that you need if you want to build self-confidence.

http://youtu.be/CCVDhQSK1EU

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

How (Not) To Manage Anger: Lessons From My Parents

When we are young, we learn to manage our emotions through the interactions with our immediate caregivers, principally our mother and father. The way our parents manage their emotions leaves a dramatic imprint on our developing nervous system that can last long into adulthood. This is particularly true of strong emotions like anger.

Two common adult reactions to poor emotional management by our parents are to submit or to rebel. We either live the rest of our lives managing our emotions they way they taught us out of fear and submission, or doing the opposite out of anger and rebellion. Neither of these two reactions represent true freedom. A better approach is to make our own choice in each situation but this takes insight and practice, especially if we choose to do things differently from the default programming we got from our parents. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Handle A Boyfriend Or Husband With A Controlling Mother: Part 1

Most of my advice is aimed at men, but today I have a video for you ladies out there on the topic of how to deal with a man who has a controlling mother. I’ve written a previous article on how to deal with a controlling mother, and I’m getting an increasing number of comments left by women in response to this article which was originally aimed at men. And the women are talking about their frustrations in having dealt with partners who had controlling mothers.

What I’ll cover here today is what you should if your boyfriend, husband or partner has a controlling mother and this is having some kind of impact – and it’s generally a negative impact – on your relationship with the guy.

http://youtu.be/7GIBdCROXtI

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago