Masculinity

Manhood, Masculine Power and Masculine Energy

A Powerful Antidote To Toxic Feminism’s Attack On Masculinity

In our age of gender fluidity, traditional masculine role models have come under increasing attack from a radical minority of toxic feminists. My take on feminism is that it started out with noble goals like universal suffrage and the emancipation of women, which I’m all for. But now it includes a radical fringe element who either fundamentally don’t trust the notion of masculinity, or are beta females who don’t have what it takes genetically to attract an alpha male, so instead they sit back and criticise empowered men. The tables have turned essentially, and now masculinity is under attack. So what’s the solution? (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

And When Did You Last See Your Father? by Blake Morrison

I first encountered Blake Morrison when I heard him speak at the Sydney Writer’s Festival ten years ago on the rarely-deeply-discussed topic of the relationship between fathers and sons. I knew immediately that I was going to relate to his book And When Did You Last See Your Father.

The book is an autobiographical series of vignettes spanning Blake’s life, each of which add a piece to the puzzle depicting his larger-than-life father as seen through the son’s eyes. Interspersed between these snapshots is the background scene of Blake’s aging father’s gradual death due to cancer. In many ways it reminded me of in my relationship with my own father. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Deal With Man-Hatred In The Media

It seems like every day I’m coming across articles and interviews in the media on so-called “toxic masculinity” written and organised by man-hating post-feminists with an obvious personal agenda of beating up on men. They piggy-back on otherwise positive themes like equality, the #metoo movement, tackling domestic violence or eliminating sexual assault; but then hijack the agenda with an underlying theme that men are crap and the future is female.

Plenty of other social commentators have dissected the inherent hypocrisy of man-haters relying on societal infrastructure predominantly provided and maintained by men that keeps them housed, clothed and fed with clean water, electricity, telecommunications and other services so reliable that they fail to notice they’re even there; while at the same time complaining at every opportunity about the behavior of a tiny minority of men as if it were the universal norm.

So instead of delving any further into what’s wrong with man-haters, I’m going to focus on how to deal with the problem: (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Take Your Mother Off The Brake Pedal Of Your Life

Many of my coaching clients grew up with a critical, controlling, domineering mother. They come to me because I’ve experienced this myself and know how challenging it can be to overcome on your own. Despite the challenge they face, I find my clients often make huge breakthroughs in their lives once they start addressing their mother issues both in Skype sessions with me and by taking assertive action towards their goals in the real world. When they stop living to just please their tyrannical mother and silence the inner critic they internalized as a result of their unhealthy emotional attachment to her, they can finally start living their own lives on their own terms.

In one session recently a client summarized his progress by saying:

“I’ve feel like I’ve finally taken my mother off the brake pedal of my life”

I am so inspired by many of my client’s rapid progress that I want to share with you some of the specific things that we’ve all found helpful for taking our mothers off the brake pedal of our lives:

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By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Heal Your Mother Issues

Many men have mother issues that undermine our self-confidence by stopping us from really growing up and fulfilling our true potential. Unresolved mother issues cause us to remain emotionally and developmentally immature; a boy in a man’s body. If we had a critical or controlling mother we’re particularly prone to having mother issues. Add in a passive father and a lack of tribal structure with initiation rituals in modern society to force us from the cozy comfort of our mother’s breast, and it’s easy to slip from childhood into adulthood without ever actually growing up.

Unresolved mother issues can leave you stuck in a permanent state of adolescence.

Unresolved mother issues can leave you stuck in a permanent state of adolescence.

This leaves us forever unconsciously seeking comfort and reassurance from our mother, and our neediness ends up projected onto any woman we come across; which is a disaster for our relationships with women.

In normal human development, we individuate from our mothers during adolescence as we grow into being our own man with our own set of values different from hers. This is a time of rapid brain rewiring and emotional upheaval as we alternate between feeling emotionally connected with our mother, and separating from her to explore the world and our place in it.

If our mother wasn’t emotionally available to connect to, or tried to control our excursions into the world in order to prevent her feeling upset in case we got hurt, then everything can go horribly wrong. Nice Guy Syndrome and the associated approval seeking are classic symptoms of mother issues. Insecurity resulting from unresolved mother issues ends up being unconsciously projected onto everyone and everything around us, having a serious negative impact on our whole life.

Here’s how to heal your mother issues: (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Finding Hope When All Hope Seems Lost

I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately on the theme of “The Hero’s Journey” that every man must take in order to grow from being a boy into being a man. I’ve been particularly drawn to movies that talk about hope and masculine empowerment, such as The Shawshank Redemption which is currently rated number one on the IMDB list of the top 250 movies.

Obviously the reason why this particular movie is so highly rated is that it strikes a chord deep in the soul of everyone who watches it. I’ve seen it several times before, but this time it’s struck some nerves with me that hadn’t quite been hit before.

Wisdom from The Shawshank Redemption

Wisdom from The Shawshank Redemption

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By Graham Stoney, ago

Boost Your Confidence by Growing a Mo during Movember

Want to help other men suffering from prostate cancer and depression, while also boosting your own self-confidence all at the same time?

Movember LogoOne of the simplest ways to overcome self-consciousness and boost your self-confidence is by changing your appearance… like growing a moustache if you don’t normally have one. And Movember is the perfect opportunity.

You’ll be helping yourself and other men all at the same time. Close to 3,300 …men die of prostate cancer in Australia each year and one in eight men will experience depression in their lifetime. Movember is about raising funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and depression.

By joining in Movember, you get to feel doubly good!

So participate in Movember this November. Get your friends and family to sponsor you online, and help raise funds to support men suffering from prostate cancer and depression.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Improve Your Relationship With Your Father

Today you’re going to learn about improving the relationship that you have with your father. Your relationship with your father has a massive impact on your sense of self as a man and your general level of self-confidence. And this exercise is going to be particularly easy for you if your father is still alive.

If he’s not still alive or you don’t have any contact with him, that’s going to be a little bit trickier. But this is primarily for guys whose fathers are still alive, and the idea here is that you go and connect with your father in a way that perhaps you haven’t done before.

If you’ve already got a great relationship with your father, that’s cool. If you see him regularly and you spend some one-on-one time with him, then that’s exactly what you want to be aiming for. But if you haven’t, here’s how to make that happen.

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By Graham Stoney, ago

Go To Lunch With A Male Friend

Today you’re going to learn another tip for building your self-confidence: going to lunch with a male friend.

Often when we lack confidence, we tend to fall into a syndrome called Nice Guy Syndrome, and this has a number of effects and one of them often is that we think that we’re much better relating to women than we are to men and we tend to avoid having really close relationships with other men.

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By Graham Stoney, ago

Get A Masculine Warrior Symbol

Symbols are very important in a lot of cultures and many religions are filled with icons and symbols that signify things that we want to remind ourselves of. It’s useful to have symbols so that we can remember certain properties or traits that we may forget during our daily lives.

So what I’m suggesting here is getting a masculine warrior symbol, something that you can hang around your neck like this, and I’ll show you mine. If you have a bit of a look, this is what mine looks like. It’s basically any kind of symbol or medallion that you can grab and hang around your neck that looks kind of cool to you, that you like and that has a masculine edge to it.

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By Graham Stoney, ago