YOUR Response To Your Sexual Dysfunction Will Affect YOUR PARTNER’S Response To It

This is a guest post by sexologist Dr Laurel Steinberg.

I have had the pleasure of counseling men and couples on all topics related to sexuality and relationships. Men commonly report experiencing some form of sexual dysfunction with their partners at some point – the effects of these dysfunctions being quite varied. This problem is very interesting because wide-reaching negative effects can result if not dealt with well. I strive to teach men to channel their very best, confident selves to deal with this issue with ease.

Your response to sexual dysfunction will affect your partner’s response

For some men, experiencing premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation can seem like the end of the world. They often recoil in fright and humiliation. Understandably, this severely negatively impacts the evening’s mood and trajectory. Their partners are often left “hanging,” feeling let down and worried that there is something off-putting about them to cause him to not work right.

In other instances, similar men who experience premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation, are fortunate to have a completely different experience. These men create their own good fortune by making the occurrence into an official NBD (no big deal). They simply focus on engaging in mutual enjoyment with their partners, with the understanding that their penises are just one of the many tools (the others being their fingers, mouths, bodies, words and sex toys) that they can use to bring their partners sexual pleasure and orgasm.

For this second group of men, a wonderful sexual experience ensues.
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How To Be A Sexual Man

You might think that being a sexual man would come naturally to every guy; but many of us have had our natural connection to our sexual energy beaten out of us through a combination of family experiences, religion, societal conditioning and past experiences where acting in a sexy manner towards women has led to us being rejected or punished in some way. Self-confidence and sexual confidence are one and the same, so learning how to get back in touch with our innate sexuality is very powerful.

Being A Sexual Man

Martina Hughes

With this in mind I recently attended a seminar on Being A Sexual Man led by Tantric practitioner Martina Hughes from TantricBlossoming.com. It’s great to hear a woman talking about how women want you to be up front with them about your sexuality, rather than hiding it or “leaving your penis at the door” in your interactions with women. When we pretend that we’re not sexual beings in order to get women to like us, we’re playing the Nice Guy game and often end up falling into the friend zone where we feel frustrated and emasculated. This doesn’t work for us, and it doesn’t work for the women in our life either.

When our sexuality is repressed, our life force is repressed.… Continue reading…

How To Have Sex

A close friend of mine was telling me recently of her dissatisfaction and frustration in her experience having sex with men. “I want to feel the sacredness of sex.”, she said, “Guys seem so focused on ejaculation that a lot of the time I just don’t enjoy sex at all.”

I suspect many women are in the same boat. As the conversation progressed, I got the sense that it wasn’t just sacredness that was missing from my friend’s sexual encounters. There was a more basic problem: many guys just don’t seem to know what they’re doing. “Often they’re trying to put their penis in my vagina when I’m not even aroused yet. I’m not wet, and it just tears and really hurts.” Ouch. “They don’t even seem to know how to turn a woman on. You could say it’s just the guys that I’m choosing, but these are conscious guys and one of them had even studied tantra; and they still don’t seem to know what to do.”

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My Wicked, Wicked Ways by Errol Flynn

If there’s one theme that shines through from legendary actor and ladies’ man Errol Flynn’s autobiography My Wicked, Wicked Ways, it’s his complete lack of shame in going after what he wanted. He loved the company of beautiful women, and his swashbuckling movie persona ensured that he had more attention from them than he could handle. Yet even before becoming famous, it seemed that he had something that women wanted and they were happy for him to seduce them so they could have a taste of it.

Flynn’s sense of adventure and willingness to take risks seems to lie at the heart of what made him so appealing to women. He was unashamedly sexual with women, getting into more than the odd spot of bother and ending up accused of statutory rape after some under-age actress with starry eyes got involved with him. Or at least, that’s his version of the story. Perhaps it was part of a conspiracy against him, or maybe they just regretted it later and wanted revenge.

“I like to enjoy the thrill of living every day; every hour of the day. For we are only here this once, and let’s feel the wind while we may.”
– Errol Flynn, My Wicked, Wicked Ways
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