Helping Men to Be Confident

The Game by Neil Strauss

An introverted writer goes to meet the world’s greatest pick-up artists in order to write a book about their craft. In the process, he becomes one of them. He learns to seduce women by putting on a façade and using a bunch of routines with every word and move scripted. After a while, it becomes natural. In the process, he develops the confidence to attract a woman who actually likes him for who he is, rather than for the pick-up persona he pretends to be.

The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists

I was totally intrigued by this book. Shortly after reading it I started changing the way I related to women and began using some of the techniques it describes. I was quite shocked at the positive way in which women responded. At first I didn’t want to believe that the less “nice” I was to a woman, the more she would engage with me. I started “neging” via SMS a much younger girl who I was interested in, and couldn’t believe that she kept responding to me. I thought she’d just fob me off and stop replying, which is what used to happen to me all the time, but instead she kept coming back as I kept on teasing her.

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By Graham Stoney, ago

You can Lead a Horse to Water, but You Can’t Make Him Drink

I learned a valuable lesson the other day:

I can’t help guys that aren’t serious about wanting help!

You see, I was chatting on MSN to a girl I’d dated recently, and she asked me:

“Graham, how is it that you have so many women interested in you?”

“Why do you ask?”, I replied

“Well, I have this friend who’s really struggling to meet women. Can you help him?”

My natural reaction was to think “Sure, I love helping guys with this.” But somehow my gut instinct kicked in. Maybe it was the fact that this guy wasn’t asking me directly, or perhaps it was just the phase of the moon. But something twigged in me and made me ask:

“Is he serious about this?”

“Yeah. Of course. Why do you think he wouldn’t be???”

She seemed offended that I’d even considered the possibility that he might not be serious.

“OK then. Yes, as a matter of fact, I can help him…”

The girl knew that I was a writer, but while we were dating I’d never got around to telling her what I actually wrote about. I went on to explain that I had the perfect answer to her friend’s question in the form of my book Confident Man.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

I was watching David DeAngelo’s Advanced Dating Skills program the other day, and the topic of limiting beliefs was huge. A limiting belief is any belief that inhibits us from having what we want.

The reason that we don’t have the success we would like all comes down to the way we behave, and this behavior is ultimately driven by our conscious and unconscious beliefs. Emotions play a big role too, and these are linked to our unconscious beliefs.

Limiting beliefs get learned through our experiences of life, and become built deep into our subconscious. They shape our default response to the world. Once any belief is acquired, our subconscious makes an automatic connection between what we observe in the world and the beliefs that we have, which makes these beliefs self-reinforcing. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Advice on Difficulty Approaching Women

Got this question in the email today:

I am 54 years old and have always had a hard time approaching women. I am divorced and wasn’t popular in my town because I was a poor athlete and this has always haunted me. Can you give me some advice? I will be going to Cancun, Mexico this summer and want to be attracting women while on vacation.

Here’s my reply:

Thanks for your question. I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Sounds like you’re hanging onto some emotional baggage from your home town, which is probably compounded by your divorce. So I’d start by looking at the ways in which your existing mindset could be contributing to the problem. Start dealing with your emotional baggage. Consider some therapy. Go into emotional areas you’ve been afraid of.

At the same time, start developing some of the skills women find attractive. Can you dance? Or play music? Dancing will help you enormously to build self-confidence, and will be really handy down in Cancun. Also learn some new social skills, like how to flirt and how to approach women.

Women love confident men. Grab a copy of my ebook [intlink id=”33″ type=”page”]Confident Man[/intlink], and follow the advice in it.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Wanna Hear an Inspiring Story?

My friend Stan rang last night to give me an update on how he’s going with this whole life and dating thing. He recently turned 40, and has been single and frustrated for quite some time. But when I heard his speech at his 40th birthday party last year, I sensed that he was ready to make some changes in his life. He’d had enough of being miserable. He wasn’t just going to sit back and keep feeling bitter, resentful or hurt about life any more. He was ready for some action.

Life rewards the man who takes action towards his goals

So I sent Stan a draft copy of The Confident Man Program as his birthday present. And to be honest, even I have been amazed at what this guy has been up to since then. In short, he’s taking massive action, and already getting incredible results.

Flicking quickly through the guide book, Stan is already well into implementing Steps 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9 and Skills 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 13. It’s incredible. The program is deliberately ordered so you take the Steps and learn the Skills that make the biggest difference first.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Learning How to Approach Women

I’m house-sitting for my sister down in Canberra, Australia’s capital city. The only friends I know who live here are either away on holidays or out of contact. I wouldn’t mind meeting some new people to hang out with while I’m in town, and I’ve been inspired by Joseph Matthew’s book The Art Of Approaching to have a go at approaching women and starting conversations. I was talking to my friend Ruth about this back in Sydney a few weeks ago, and her advice was this:

“Look Graham, people go out to clubs to meet other people. All you’ve got to do is to walk up and say ‘Hi, I’m Graham’” [puts her hand out to initiate a handshake].

Interesting. I still had a hunch that the wisdom in Joseph’s book would help me, but maybe I was over-complicating things a bit. Us analytical guys tend to do that sometimes. So last Friday night I hit the town, to see if I could meet some people in a pub or club. If you’re used to doing this, it might seem like a no-brainer; but not to me. I’m the guy who used to have a full-blown panic attack just walking into a nightclub, and the thought of approaching anyone at all, let alone an attractive woman, just freaked me out.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to get a Supermodel Girlfriend

I got this email from my friend Bradley yesterday, and was so blown away that I just had to share it with you. I do so with his permission, and with only minor edits to maintain our privacy. I have had such a positive impact on him, he’s told me he’d do just about anything for me:

Hey Graham,

It is absolutely wonderful to hear from you Graham. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you but the last few weeks have been hectic to say the least. I have been busy but not quite as busy as you by the sounds of things. Great to hear that [intlink id=”33″ type=”page”]the book[/intlink] is still selling. I have some news for you too. I took your example and I invested in some cd’s from David DeAngelo. My personal favourite is Cocky Comedy. I think that is what it is called. Anyway no sooner had I started to use his techniques before I hooked an absolute beauty. I am blown away by how well the system works. Anyway this one is a keeper.

Her name is Natasha, she is 24, brown eyes and jet black hair.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Recovering From Nice Guy Syndrome

When I start hearing the same message coming at me from multiple independent sources, that usually gets my attention. Last year I kept hearing that women want men with backbone who they can “push up against”. They get tired and ultimately resentful of Nice Guys who always yield powerlessly to them, and everyone else.

Nice guy syndrome is caused by too much anxiety and not enough confidence.

I listened to an interview recently where Robert Glover described what is wrong with Nice Guys most succinctly by quoting a comment from his ex-wife, who said “How would I know that you could ever stand up for me, if you can’t even stand up to me?”. Robert calls it Nice Guy Syndrome in his book titled No More Mr. Nice Guy! He points out that while Nice Guys think that what they are doing will please other people, ultimately it just leads to resentment. In short, it really pisses women off.

At Passionately Alive, Nicholas talked about the importance of having relationships with people who meet us where we are at, with a similar level of passion. Women want guys who don’t just collapse or run away in the face of strong emotions, whether they be the pleasant or unpleasant variety.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

The Difference between Seduction and Attraction

Just watching David DeAngelo’s Advanced Dating Techniques program, I really like his distinction between Seduction and Attraction:

“Seduction implies tricking, being dishonest, and hiding your motives. Seduction also implies a scarcity mentality. It implies you lack the confidence that women will be attracted to you, and therefore you must resort to covert manoeuvres.

Attraction on the other hand is working on yourself, improving yourself to the point where women are magnetically attracted to you. That attraction mechanism gets pushed inside [the man] very quickly.”

It’s important to understand how seduction works and when it’s appropriate and inappropriate. But when a man invests significant energy into his own personal growth, he becomes a man who attracts women naturally. This is more authentic, has a more powerful impact on his whole life, and a more positive influence on the lives of those around him, than simply learning a bunch of education techniques ever will.

I think she’s using both seduction AND attraction

… Continue reading…
By Graham Stoney, ago

Successful Speed Dating

I recently decided to get more pro-active about getting out there and meeting women, so I thought I’d give Speed Dating a try.

Success at Speed Dating is all about Having Fun

This is where you front up to an organized gathering of other singles, and have a few minutes with each woman to assess whether you’d like to get to know them better. At the end of the evening, you fill in a card saying whether you’d like to exchange contact details with each person you’ve spoken to. If both of you tick the “yes” box to each other, the host sends you each others contact details. Speed Dating turns out to be really fun! There were some really great people at the event I went to, and I spent the evening joking around, chatting away, and having a great time.

I’m haven’t always been the world’s most out-going guy, so I was wondering whether I’d enjoy it or not. But it turned out to be was way more fun and less stressful than I expected. I’d really recommend Speed Dating to anyone interested in meeting some new people in a relaxed, casual atmosphere. So here are my tips when it comes to being successful at speed dating:

  • Don’t take it too seriously!
… Continue reading…
By Graham Stoney, ago