Hey guys. In case you've ever questioned the value of getting coaching to help overcome the gap between what your father should have taught you, and what you actually learned; check out the comment I just received on my article about the problem of passive fathers teaming up with controlling mothers.
My husband has totally abdicated his role as a leader in our family. He is content to remain checked out of parenting, the marriage, consumed with self-pity over having his life now seriously limited by MS, addicted to watching sports and living in complete submission to life...he lives life like he is a guest in his own world. My children, now 20 and 23 see him as weak willed, clueless, apathetic and a poser. For many years I have worried about my son and growing into man. I have been the one to throw the football, teach how to use tools and power equipment, how to paint, wax a car, fix leaky faucets, hang a light fixture etc. His Dad just passively watched saying he was not good at that stuff....he is simply lazy, passive and apathetic. With the challenges of life, his own crappy father, he chose to get bitter instead of be better. My son has missed out on only what a father can give! It breaks my heart that his Dad turned out to be so useless. He forced me into the role of "the man" by being such a wimp..full of excuses, procrastination, etc. "I forgot", "I just didn't do it", "I don't know" are the common reponses...somehow, my son has managed to see his Dad's weak behavior and has acted with intention to not follow in his footsteps. While it has been sometimes painful, my son has managed to push me away, in a healthy way, and find his way to manhood! He has been blessed with some great coaches and teachers that have filled in a gap. I think he is actually becoming a man with leadership, confidence, and strength...I am soooo relieved. I do not want him to be like his father. I would love to have a man who would step up and relieve me of the need to make sure the doors are locked, the car is fixed, etc. I want to be taken care of, protected!!! I crave it, and not having it makes me see my husband as a mentally disabled child. Who is turned on by that? He started out posing as the perfect guy, but grew tired of the charade after the pressure was off...we moved out of state after 1o years near my family. I am proud of the man my son is becoming, no thanks to his own father.
That's the best advertisement for coaching I've come across in a long time.