How To Heal Emotional Trauma

Sumelevate Life Coach Sume Chatz recently interviewed me for his video podcast about how I work with my coaching clients to help them heal emotional trauma from the past so they can move on to a happier future. The interview packs a heap of information into a half hour, covering topics like:

  • How family of origin issues can set you up for emotional problems down the track
  • The impact of poor communication skills on our world view as children
  • How to heal overwhelming anxiety
  • The role of the subconscious and how to work with it
  • Mindfulness and the importance of living in the present
  • What I actually do in Skype sessions with my clients
  • How to coach someone in emotional trauma
  • How to get motivated towards your goals
That's a lot of valuable information for one half hour! I recommend you check it out. emotional traumaThe one thing I didn't mention explicitly was what exactly emotional trauma is: the emotional residue left in our brains and nervous system attached to memories of any emotionally overwhelming past event that we weren't able to fully express and release at the time. Healing trauma is important because emotionally charged memories from the past restrict our ability to be freely self-expressed and get on with life in the present. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

What Do Women Think About Men Having Coaching?

Hey guys. In case you've ever questioned the value of getting coaching to help overcome the gap between what your father should have taught you, and what you actually learned; check out the comment I just received on my article about the problem of passive fathers teaming up with controlling mothers.

Helen writes:

My husband has totally abdicated his role as a leader in our family. He is content to remain checked out of parenting, the marriage, consumed with self-pity over having his life now seriously limited by MS, addicted to watching sports and living in complete submission to life...he lives life like he is a guest in his own world. My children, now 20 and 23 see him as weak willed, clueless, apathetic and a poser. For many years I have worried about my son and growing into man. I have been the one to throw the football, teach how to use tools and power equipment, how to paint, wax a car, fix leaky faucets, hang a light fixture etc. His Dad just passively watched saying he was not good at that stuff....he is simply lazy, passive and apathetic. With the challenges of life, his own crappy father, he chose to get bitter instead of be better.Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

The Disastrous Duo: Controlling Mother, Passive Father

I've noticed a strong pattern in the lives of a lot of guys who I've been talking to lately who have had issues with self-confidence, especially around women: the combination of a dominant, controlling mother and a passive father. It's the disastrous duo for a boy's confidence growing into a man. [caption id="attachment_3131" align="alignright" width="300"] Controlling mothers tend to attract passive fathers[/caption] One of the unfortunate realities of life is that controlling women tend to attract passive men. So if you have a controlling mother, you're likely to also have ended up with a passive father as your primary male role model. Controlling women attempt to dominate the men in their lives in order to assuage their own inner anxiety about the unpredictable nature of life and their lack of trust in healthy masculine power. Confident, powerful men don't put up with this sort of behaviour: they assert themselves and if necessary walk away knowing that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. So controlling women tend to end up left with passive men who are willing to be pushed around because they don't know how to stand up for themselves. Unfortunately that means that if you had a controlling mother, you probably also had a passive father, which is a double-blow to your developing masculinity. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago