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Emotions
What’s So Good About Feeling Bad?
In the last few days I’ve had a couple of people close to me tell me that they didn’t want to talk about painful experiences that they have had. They said things like “I don’t want to dwell on it” or “I really want a cigarette”, rather than talking about something that made them feel bad.
We’re not always in an appropriate social context to heal emotional pain and it’s wise to be discerning about when and with whom we choose to share vulnerable feelings. Nobody really wants to feel bad; we all naturally want to feel happy and generally speaking we tend to get more of whatever we focus on in life.
However we live in a society which tends to glorify intellect over feelings. Many of us have been taught to suppress emotions while growing up; especially those that our family and friends were uncomfortable with. Few people really understand what emotional trauma is, how it operates or how to heal it.
Spirituality
How To Deal With People Who Offend You
I’ve woken up this morning, and the world’s gone crazy again. Men with guns have killed people who offended them, plus a few other random people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Last month it was my own hometown of Sydney, this month it’s another city I love, Paris.
I am Charlie. So are you.
Social media and the newspapers are abuzz with political leaders and lay people saying they won’t cave in to “terrorists” by giving in to fear. Police and military forces have responded, and most of the gunmen and their accomplices are now dead. So are some of the hostages.
I feel deeply saddened for the people who have lost their lives, and the families they leave behind. Yet I don’t buy the rhetoric that says we won’t feel fear because that would just be giving the “terrorists” what they want. To be honest, I feel frightened and powerless when I see people much like myself caught up in hostage dramas and ending up dying at the hands of men with guns who believe their martyrdom will earn them rewards in an afterlife I don’t even believe exists.
How can I possibly hope to influence the behaviour of people who subscribe to an ideology I don’t agree with, following a religion I don’t know much about, with a spiritual leader who appears above criticism in their minds? Even within Islam, different sects have a history of killing each other over what appear to me to be relatively minor doctrinal differences (or more likely because they just wanted their land and/or possessions), so the answer doesn’t appear to lie there.
That said, if the pen really is mightier than the sword, I’m willing to give it a go.
Assertiveness
Overcoming The Fear Of Being Assertive With Strangers
I want to share with you a recent victory I had over the fear of being assertive with strangers, and why it’s so significant for me. A few days ago I was sitting on a bench seat in a popular park down by the beach near where I live, reading a book written by my father about his early life. After a few minutes another man walked up and asked “Do you mind if I sit here?”, gesturing to the other end of the seat.
“No, that’s fine”, I smiled and said before returning to my book.
Would you like to be more confident about being assertive with strangers?
The beach in question is a popular tourist destination and attracts a lot of backpackers from all around the world. This guy looked like he might be one, and appeared to be by himself. While reading my book I started to feel a little guilty for ignoring him, as I imagined him being a lonely backpacker in a foreign land seeking someone to talk to.
In reality I wasn’t “ignoring him”; I was just reading my book which is what I wanted to do. But my old caretaker conditioning of putting other people’s needs before my own was kicking in. I reminded myself that most likely he was perfectly capable of looking after himself and that I was free to choose to speak to him or to read my book. I chose to continue reading my book.
Therapy
Meditation
I do a combination of Yoga, breathwork and meditation every day that I learned from the Art Of Living foundation. It helps calm my nerves and quieten my busy mind....
Spirituality
Christian Teaching That Can Undermine Your Self-Confidence
...saviour. Life rewards the man who realises that he is his own saviour. Take responsibility for yourself, and stop expecting someone (especially your mother, father or God) to come and...
Emotions
Whiny, Complaining People Really Make Me Angry
...play surrogate mummy and daddy for us while we complain about things is completely disempowering. It also repels people who could potentially teach us how to stop complaining by taking...
Health
How To Lose Weight Without Really Trying
...Why? Because you can lose weight for free, without really trying. I know because I’ve been doing it myself for the last few months. In fact I’m kinda pissed off...
Relationships
Ask A Peer Colleague To Lunch
Today you’re going to learn about how to expand your sphere of influence in your organization, in the place where you work and in your life generally, and also how to get connections with people you may not have connected with before and build your self-confidence and your level of influence all at the same time.
What I recommend doing is if you work in an organization with other people – and most of you probably do – then, chances are, there are people within that organization who are effectively your peers but you don’t necessarily have a whole lot to do with on a day-to-day basis.
http://youtu.be/DicolN-ChZM