12 Adult Signs That You Experienced Emotional Abandonment In Childhood

If we were surrounded by emotionally available adult caregivers as an infant, our developing brain and nervous system learned to regulate our emotions via a healthy emotional attachment to the adults around us. However if we were surrounded by emotionally unavailable adults who routinely dismissed, minimised or suppressed both their own emotions and ours, we experienced emotional abandonment.

Being denied the emotional connection we needed as an infant can have a traumatic effect on our developing brain. Emotional abandonment can lead to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) or what Susan Anderson calls PTSD of Abandonment in adults. The primary result is that we fail to develop healthy adult emotional regulation and can often end up feeling overwhelmed by our own emotions. This effect can last long into adulthood until we find a way to address it.

Emotional abandonment is a massive problem even in communities and families that are otherwise free of overt abuse. It’s fairly easy to recognise when you’ve been on the receiving end of physical, sexual or emotional abuse as a child and most adults recognise that reaching out for help is the appropriate, responsible and shameless thing to do.

However, with emotional abandonment the problem is fundamentally one of neglect and this is more difficult to recognise. We typically only have our own experience of childhood to compare against in identifying what is and isn’t normal or healthy. When you’re just a kid and everyone around you is avoiding emotional connection, it’s hard not to conclude that this is how to live.

Emotional Abandonment as a Boy Can Have A Big Impact on a Man’s Life

Emotional abandonment has been a core issue for myself and many of my clients, but is hard to spot unless you know what you’re looking for. Here are some adult signs and symptoms that indicate that you may have experienced emotional abandonment as a child:

• Hypervigilance and sensitivity to rejection and abandonment
• Difficulty forming relationships with women
• Feeling insecure or unsafe around other men
• Feeling guilt and shame even when we haven’t done anything wrong
• Fear and shame about revealing our feelings to other people
• Anxiety or self-consciousness when seen by other people
• Fear of eye contact and other forms of emotional intimacy
• Fear of upsetting other people
• Persistent feelings of anger, anxiety, sadness, guilt, shame or depression
• Latent feelings of anger and resentment towards your mother or father
• Living in our head rather than our heart
• Lack of trust in life generally and in other people

If you recognise these signs in your life, I encourage you to seek help and check out my article on How To Recover From Childhood Emotional Abandonment.