I've been watching David DeAngelo's Sexual Communication program recently, and here's a summary of what I've learned:

There as a deeper level of communication between humans that most men are unaware of. It's the same level that animals communicate on instinctively. It reminds me of what Eckhardt Tolle talks about in The Power Of Now about being totally present, and the Meisner acting technique of intuitive interactions and emotional connections uninhibited by our normal tendency to overanalyse and overthink. David D is onto something.

His four steps of sexual communication are:

#1: Sparking the Attraction

Attraction is unconscious. Women are naturally attracted to the Leader. Develop your masculine traits. Not needing approval. Confidence and lack of insecurity. Dominance and power are the ultimate aphrodisiac. Being unapologetic for who you are and what you want. Make decisions quickly. Not accepting second class behavior or treatment from others. Live in your own reality. Strong eye contact. Be territorial without whining or insecurity.

Women test men unconsciously. Start recognizing these tests and learn to pass the tests without taking them seriously. Forget “be yourself”: your normal persona is an accommodating, manipulative wuss and isn't actually your real self anyway. When a woman tests you with criticism, smile and respond playfully with “I'm glad you like it”.

Change your attitude. Be indifferent and unattached to any particular outcome. You're the catch. She wants you, and needs to prove herself to you; not the other way around. Tease her like she's your bratty kid sister. Hassle her about having big feet. Be unpredictable, interesting, and distinctive. Avoid being boring and predictable.

Take risks and be willing to “fail”. What we call “failure” is really just a learning opportunity. Highly successful people also have many failures. People who avoid failure also miss out on success. Success is a horrible teacher anyway.

#2: Building Sexual Tension

Chemistry and sexual tension is all about emotions. Frame the relationship the way you want right from the beginning. Flirting builds attraction. It's about playing. Flirt from the very start. Practice with shop assistants: hold on to your credit card when handing it to a woman. Thumb-wrestle. Mirror her behavior exaggerated. Be fun. Learn story-telling and practice to become good at it. Study tarot, palm-reading, and magic, to incorporate story-telling. Talk about things that are interesting to women. Enhance your communication skills.

Give her a hard time about something in a flirty way. Mention how the relationship doesn't seem to be working. Fake despair and disapproval at something she's doing. Dramatize her complaints. Behave like you could take or leave her.

Be cocky and funny. Start with an arrogant comment, then make it funny. Stop kissing up. If you know who Wayne Brady is, check out this video as an example:

Learn to dance. Lead with your hips when you walk. Talk less. Listen to what she says and put your attention on her to reduce your self-consciousness.

#3: Amplifying the Attraction

Spice up the conversation. Tell quirky stories about what you are going to do with her in the future. Girl humor is different to guy humor. When you make her laugh, call back to it later in the conversation. Tell her “You and I aren't going to get along”, and when she does anything off-putting later, go back to it with “I told you we weren't going to get along.” Do it playfully. Communicate higher value instead of neediness by being fun and detached from the outcome of the conversation. Tease her and keep her emotionally engaged. Take a risk. Don't worry so much about upsetting her or losing her.

Eye contact, voice tone and body language are all important. Your posture should be upright, leaning back. Walk slowly and gracefully. Take dancing lessons.

Hold eye contact until she breaks it off. Blink and move your eyes more slowly.

Talk deeper and slower, using pauses. Speak from your chest and stomach. Consciously deepen your voice. Learn to play a musical instrument and speak with rhythm. Deliberately change the rhythm you speak with. Be chivalrous: open doors, walk on the outside, act on your protective instincts.

#4: Physically Advancing

The average man fails because he behaves as if he's trying to get something from her, when in fact she could get great pleasure from him. Speak the language of anticipation, understood by women. Show her that you have the power to give her great pleasure.

Anticipation is key. Engage her imagination. Study how to make women feel good. Don't try to be liked or win her approval; just turn her on.

Take two steps forward, then one back. Don't just keep advancing. Focus on her needs and how you can meet them. Control yourself. Progressing before she's turned on creates resistance. Move forward confidently and naturally once she's turned on. Tease. Have the mindset “I could, but I won't”.

Learn the sensitive parts of a woman's body. Rub her hand. Back off. Move up to her arms. Give her a shoulder massage. Lean back, take your time. Very slowly stroke the tiny hairs on the back of her hands, her neck and shoulders. Stop again.

Smell her neck briefly. Back off. Smell her neck again, for longer this time. Repeat several times. Pull her close. Bite her neck softly. Tease her with an almost-kiss. Make sure she's comfortable. Kiss her. Touch her thigh, and see how she reacts. Keep teasing her. Start unbuttoning clothing.

I've only just scratched the surface here; there's a heap more in this program that I haven't covered, and I highly recommend it. Get it from the Double Your Dating website.

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.