Hey there, it's Graham from The Confident Man Project, and I want to talk to you today about the importance of finding some mentors or a mentor. Everybody who is successful in life has people behind the scenes that are teaching them and mentoring them and helping them take the next step from where they currently are towards where it is that they want to go. You may not know this because often the mentors are hidden. The mentors generally do not advertise themselves, but you can bet your bottom dollar that ever successful person out there has one or people in their lives who are mentoring them specifically to help them to achieve the sort of success in life that they want. http://youtu.be/3GeI-7in2fs (more…)
Hey there, it's Graham from The Confident Man Project, and today I want to talk about how to be successful. Well, how the hell should I know how to be successful? If you want to be successful, I suspect you take tips from somebody who's already really successful. And that's why I'm going to recommend - instead of listening to me - that you read this book by Richard Branson called Losing My Virginity. http://youtu.be/mrdeVe5oxtI (more…)
In a recent post I recommended that if you want your confidence to grow more quickly, it's worth developing the habit of [intlink id="1761" type="post"]sharing your successes with other people[/intlink]. In response I got an email asking:
What do you do if you haven't any success?
OK, great question. It may seem hard to celebrate something that you don't already have. So here's my suggestion on how to handle it:
Allow Yourself To Feel The PainWe live in a society that systematically denies and suppresses emotional pain. Most of us have been taught to hide how we feel both from ourselves and from other people. Having a lack of success in life is painful for a man. For me, it brings up feelings of sadness, rejection, hopelessness, despair and anger. These feelings are painful, but allowing ourselves to feel them activates the grieving process which takes us back to a clean slate where we can start creating what we want in life. Skipping this step leaves us building on a foundation of pain, which lays dormant ready to undermine our future progress whenever one of these painful emotions is triggered again. Since most of us guys have been trained to suppress our pain, this may not come naturally. Grab a journal and start writing about how you feel around not having the success in life that you want. Be specific about what it is that you're missing: relationships with women, money, sex, power, health. Whatever upsets you, write about it. Allow yourself to dwell on the emotions rather than the thoughts that you have about it. Dwelling on negative thoughts creates more negativity, whereas dwelling on unpleasant emotions allows them to dissipate. If you want to feeling really gutsy, share what you discover with someone else you trust, or do it anonymously on the forum.
Building confidence can take time and commitment. Each success moves us closer to the goal of being the person we were meant to be, but it can be easy to overlook or forget even major personal breakthroughs when we're in it for the long haul. Our brains are wired to seek out problems in order to solve them ahead of time. This leaves many of us with a tendency to dwell on the negative rather than appreciating the progress that we're making and the awesome things that are in our life as a result. One of the best ways to counter this natural tendency towards negative thinking is to celebrate your successes by sharing them with other people. I've noticed in my own life that my conditioning against pride left me reticent to share my successes with other people. I literally felt ashamed of being proud of myself! The only way to counter shame is to share the feelings behind it with other people. If you're ashamed of your successes, I encourage you to share them with other people so that you can learn to feel good about being successful. (more…)
I know a bunch of guys who are very successful in their careers, but still lack confidence with women. Coming from an engineering background originally, my experience has been that career success doesn't always translate automatically into feeling confident interacting with girls. In fact, some of what we learn as men about being successful vocationally can work against us when it comes to the fairer sex.
Women want a well-rounded guy who is successful in business but they also need to be able to connect and relate to us in order to get to know us more deeply. The biggest mistake I see successful career guys making with women is attempting to apply the same strategies that work for them in the business world to their relationships with women. After a few relationship failures, the once confident guy's self-confidence starts going down the tubes as he blames himself for not getting the relationship he wants; or even worse he becomes bitter and resentful of women for not liking and accepting him the way he is. The problem isn't him; the problem is the strategy he's using unconsciously to connect with women, and simply changing strategy can make all the difference.… Continue reading…
Well it's that time of year again. Do you make New Year's Resolutions? How did you go with last year's? Have you given up smoking yet? Lost weight? Learned to be confident with women? Or perhaps you gave up on the whole idea years ago because you found that it just doesn't work.
Well join the club. But if you'd like this year to be better than last year, you need to start doing something differently. So here's a process to make New Year's Resolutions that actually work and make a profound difference in your life:
Write Down Your Goals
The first and most important step is to frame your New Year's Resolutions as goals that you can work towards, and write them down. Get yourself a goal book to write your goals down in and track your progress towards them. Keep it handy as you'll be using it a lot: It will remind you of what goals are important to you so you don't get distracted by other less important activities, and it will help build your confidence as you start to notice goals that you set yourself being achieved.