Well it's that time of year again. Do you make New Year's Resolutions? How did you go with last year's? Have you given up smoking yet? Lost weight? Learned to be confident with women? Or perhaps you gave up on the whole idea years ago because you found that it just doesn't work.

Well join the club. But if you'd like this year to be better than last year, you need to start doing something differently. So here's a process to make New Year's Resolutions that actually work and make a profound difference in your life:

Write Down Your Goals

The first and most important step is to frame your New Year's Resolutions as goals that you can work towards, and write them down. Get yourself a goal book to write your goals down in and track your progress towards them. Keep it handy as you'll be using it a lot: It will remind you of what goals are important to you so you don't get distracted by other less important activities, and it will help build your confidence as you start to notice goals that you set yourself being achieved.

When you write a new goal in your goal book, frame it in the present tense describing what you will experience once you have achieved it. Use your imagination to visualize what the achievement of your goal will look and feel like complete with the sights, sounds, smells, and emotions that go along with it. The full realm of sensations are important for programming your subconscious to lead you towards achieving your goal. Also add a realistic time frame when you would like to achieve it by.

The more specific you can be about the environment where you imagine the fulfillment of your goal the better. For example, if your goal is to be relaxed and confident while meeting women, you might imagine yourself in a Salsa dance club confidently meeting women while asking them to dance. To write this goal you might write:

It is now June 30t h or earlier and I am in a Salsa dance club feeling relaxed and confident as I meet many beautiful women. I can feel the touch of my hot dance partner's hands in mine as the smell of her perfume mixes with the delicious aroma of sexy women's bodies gyrating to the invigorating sound of the pulsing Latin music. I smile freely at all the beautiful women I meet and they smile back at me wishfully, hoping I will ask them for the opportunity to dance with me. I feel confident in my masculinity and just love dancing in a sexy, provocative manner with all the beautiful women in the Salsa club.

It's good to pick environments and scenarios that support the easy achievement of your goal, so you set yourself up for success. In this example since dancing is any easy way to meet sexy women, you imagine meeting women confidently in a Salsa dance club. Don't worry about how you will achieve your goal at this point, just write any goal that is important to you regardless of how achievable it may seem right now.

Visualize Your Success

Writing your goal so specifically and in the present tense begins programming your subconscious to notice opportunities to help work towards and fulfill your goal for you. It also makes it easy for you to mentally rehearse your success. Many sports stars, performers and public speakers use mental rehearsal to practice before an important event. The more often you visualize yourself being successful at achieving your goal, the more likely you are to be comfortable and successful when the time comes.

Imagining the sights, sounds, smells and textures of the environment in which you intend your goal to be achieved helps you feel confident and comfortable once you're there. Do each goal one at a time, and be as specific as you can. Imagine how wonderful you will feel as you achieve this goal and really let yourself experience the intense positive emotions to drive it deep into your subconscious. This may take practice, and may seem forced at first, but you'll get the hang of it. Your subconscious doesn't know the difference between emotions from the real world and your imagination, so start using your imagination to create the success that you want in life.

Read your goal book regularly and visualize yourself achieving the success that awaits you in the near future. Once you've done this, move on to taking action as you get on with your life. Avoid getting emotionally attached to your goals; being overly invested in what you want will make you unhappy with what you currently have, and make achieving your goals more difficult. Be happy and grateful for everything you currently have in your life.

Take Action Every Day

If you want to make your dreams a reality, you need to take massive action towards them. Just sitting and waiting for some Law of Attraction to kick in won't make any difference unless you're actually out there creating what you want in the universe. Your success depends entirely on you. For example, you'll feel a lot more confident walking into that Salsa club in six months time if you spend the time between now and then attending weekly Salsa dance classes. Also read everything you can about how to meet women confidently, and how to flirt with women in a way which is fun, sexy and engaging to them.

It's better to take a little action every day towards your goals than it is to take a lot of action one day, and then do nothing for the rest of the week, month or year because it didn't seem to work. Sustained action is what makes the difference. The more consistently you take action towards your goal, the faster you will get there. That's why courses like my online confidence building course are so good: you get to take daily action, with a new activity every week to keep things fresh and interesting.

Tell Your Friends

In the past, you may have avoided telling your friends about your New Year's Resolutions for fear of embarrassment if you fail to achieve them. Perhaps that's even why you gave up making them at all. Maybe you aren't sure whether your goals are achievable, or the exact process by which you would achieve them. All these thoughts are just excuses to avoid looking bad if you don't fulfill on your intentions.

That's not how a confident man acts. A truly confident man knows that he can fulfill on his word, even if he doesn't know exactly how it's going to pan out. You can turn the potential embarrassment of failing in front of your friends to your advantage, by inspiring them with your new possibility in the knowledge that they will keep you accountable. Friendly peer pressure can help motivate you to keep working towards your goals even on days when you've given up because they don't seem achievable. You won't want to give up on yourself and your buddies by giving up on the goals that are important to you in front of them.

Having support from your friends makes it much more likely that you'll succeed. It also inspires them to take on goals which are important to them. Pretty soon all your friends are turning up at Salsa dance class too and before you know it the guys you knew who were hopeless with women are all starting to get it as you teach them new moves to use on the dance floor and off. You are now a leader, and women find leaders magnetically attractive. You're also benefiting from their momentum moving forward, and friends who perhaps once were holding you back are now helping propel you forward. All because you shared your goals with your buddies.

Start Now!

By now you've probably worked out that this process works any time of year. You don't have to wait until New Years to do it. So start right now: get your goal book, write down some goals that are important to you, and start visualizing and taking action towards them. Tell your friends. Point them to this article and get them working towards their goals too.

Imagine how happy you'll feel crossing off each goal you've achieved, knowing how important they are to you and feeling great as you become a confident man who consistently takes action to create the life of your dreams with grace and ease.

If you like the idea but aren't sure where to start, The Confident Man Program gives you a step by step guide full of fun goals to set yourself over the next year. By this time next year, you'll be well on your way to living the life of your dreams.

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.


Matt · March 11, 2012 at 10:22 am

There are certainly two schools of thought when it comes to 'telling your friends' about New Years Resolutions, Graham.

I saw a fantastic video clip on TED not too long ago with a psychologist saying that she doesn't believe it's a wise idea to tell people your goals as, when they praise you for coming up with them, you develop a small sense of satisfaction from said praise - the same that you'd get from actually achieveing the goals, hence making you less likely to follow through with them.

I'm personally on your side and like to air my thoughts and goals to my friends to ensure they hold me accountable if I don't meet them.

Very interesting how different people operate though, wouldn't you say?

    Graham Stoney

    Graham Stoney · March 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I think the accountability is the important point, yes. Cheers, Graham

Aviran · January 1, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Regarding resolutions for this site, just need to develop the forums onto creating a based community of people helping each other in many topics.
Regarding resolutions, I found out the best way to make any decision is travel outside of the country, and do whatever you want, you'll return of confident for sure.

    Graham Stoney

    Graham Stoney · January 4, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Thanks Aviran; I would love the forums to take off this year too. And traveling overseas is one of the skills I recommend in Confident Man. Are you reading my mind? 😉

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