conversation skills

How To Be Confident Talking To Women On The Phone

Hey, it’s Graham here from The Confident Man Project, and you can probably hear that there’s some kookaburras going off down in the distance in the bush land here. I’m out in the beautiful bush land just out the back of my place. And kookaburras are a native bird of Australia. It’s a bit unusual; it’s got this funky kind of laughing sort of sound that it makes, and, yeah, it just reminds me what a beautiful country I live in. I’m a pretty lucky guy.

So I want to spread some of that luck out to you by talking about the challenge of learning to be confident talking to women on the phone. And how do you go about doing this? Because I know a lot of you guys like me are just terrified of actually picking up the phone and calling the woman after we’ve got her phone number, so how do you get confident doing that and get in the mode where it’s actually a fun thing to do rather than something that just fills you with fear and dread?

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Read How To Talk To Anyone by Leil Lowndes

Hey, it’s Graham here from The Confident Man Project with some tips for you on how to feel more confident when you’re having conversations with other people. And the biggest tip that I have in fact is to read a book on the subject which is this one called How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tips for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes.

Obviously our sense of self-confidence is most pronounced or lack of self-confidence is most pronounced when we’re trying to have conversations with other people and we’re feeling like, “I don’t know how to do this,”, “I don’t know what to say and how to relate to these people,” or, “I’m feeling shy or awkward or socially anxious.”

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to Start Conversations with Strangers

Hey, it’s Graham here, and I want to talk about starting conversations with strangers. And there’s a little trick here that I’ve worked out that I want to share with you which I think is kind of important. So the reason why starting conversations with strangers is important is that it’s in conversations and our social skills that our confidence is most important and is most obvious to other people.

Now, there’s no magic silver bullet to starting conversations with strangers. The reason for that is that it doesn’t really matter what you say to people when you first meet them. Everything that’s really important is in the attitude that you have. If you’re nervous and insecure or edgy when you meet somebody, particularly a woman, they’re going to sense that and they’re going to feel like, “I’m bit uncomfortable about talking to this person.” You’re not going to come across as very confident.

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Always Have Something To Say When Talking To Women

Ever worry that you’re going to run out of things to say when talking to a woman? It seems like the more attractive the women, the more fearful I get of that awkward silence when I don’t know what to say. One solution is to learn a bunch of canned routines and prefabricated stories that we can punch out to avoid the awkwardness; but using other guy’s stuff grates on me and somehow I never get around to polishing my own stories for use in social situations. I’d rather be spontaneous and live in-the-moment, responding to the flow of conversation rather than trying to control and manipulate it all the time. If only there were a way to learn how to do that…

Well it turns out there is!

Over the last few months I’ve fallen in love with Theatrical Improvisation, also known as Improv. This is the technique that comedians and actors use to be spontaneous on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway, and the results are often hilarious. Lately I’ve been doing every Improv class and workshop I can get to. The rules of Improv really appeal to me because they’re all about freeing yourself from your own constraints and letting your natural creativity flow spontaneously.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

8 Things Women Wish Men Knew

Communication between the sexes. It’s always been difficult, and even as the workplace and the world in general open up more and more to women, we all still know that men and women are a little different. We think differently, speak differently, and expect different things. But when we share these differences, we can dramatically improve communication and relationships.

Guys, whether you’re married with kids, a newlywed, or just looking for love at the moment, read this list of eight things most women wish you knew, and remind yourself of them often. If a man can get these eight things right, he’ll definitely notice a difference in his relationship with just about any woman.

1. You don’t have to fix all our problems.

Whether it’s because of nature or socialization, women tend to be more relationship and feeling oriented creatures than men. While men like to solve problems with concrete solutions, women need to talk things out and be understood. Numerous studies have confirmed this, including one recent study through the Harvard School of Medicine. This study showed, that women and men were happier in their marriages when both partners made an effort to understand the feelings of the other partner.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to Feel Confident in Conversations

The way we speak in conversation with other people says a lot about how confident we feel, yet we’re often unaware of the subtle nuances of the way we’re communicating and the resulting message we’re sending about our self-image to other people. Simply changing the way we converse can boost our general level of confidence. When we hear ourselves communicating more effectively it reminds us of our innate power and inner confidence. And when others experience us as a powerful communicator, we connect better, gain greater trust and respect, and become the sort of person other people want to be around.

So here are some simple, easy ways to converse with greater confidence:

Be Clear and Direct, Avoiding Waffle

Ever notice how some people you talk with say the same thing over and over, rephrasing their point in different ways without ever stopping to ever see if you got it or not? As they waffle on and on, you find yourself losing interest and feeling confused about what it is they are really saying.

Confident communication is clear, direct and succinct. The fewer words you can make a point in, the more powerful it will be. Strunk and White’s advice in their classic book on writing The Elements of Style is equally applicable when speaking: make every word tell.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to be Confident with Women

A lot of guys who are confident and capable in most areas of life still struggle when it comes to meeting and relating to women confidently. Just because you’re good at your job, successful in business, sport or hobbies doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be confident with women.

On the other hand, confidence with women does tend to flow over into every other area of your life. It’s just one of those fundamental things that effects your whole life when you master it. So here’s how to relate to women confidently:

Ask Yourself What You Really Want From Women

What is it you’re really looking for from women anyway? Is it love, intimacy, sex or a relationship? Or are you really seeking validation and approval from them, trying to compensate for a lack of true self-esteem? Most guys who struggle to feel confident with women are still trying to make up for childhood love we didn’t get from our mothers or stability we didn’t get from our fathers. If you had an [intlink id=”480″ type=”post”]emotionally disconnected mother[/intlink], or a [intlink id=”518″ type=”post”]passive or emotionally unstable father[/intlink], this can undermine your self-esteem and show up as nervousness around women.

If you have mother or father issues that are unresolved, get some emotional healing so you don’t carry this emotional baggage straight into your next interaction with a woman.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago
My father and I on the platform at Broken Hill station

Spending “Quality” Time With My Father

When my father invited me recently to join him on a Railway Historical Society trip from Sydney to Broken Hill and back, my initial thought was “5 days stuck on a rusty old train with uncomfortable seats isn’t exactly my thing”. But I’d been looking for an opportunity to travel somewhere and spend some quality time with my Dad, so I ended up jumping at the chance.

My father is 79, and although he’s just as mentally alert as he’s ever been, he’s not getting any younger. His father lived to be 100 and there’s no sign of mine dropping dead any time soon. But whenever I speak to men whose fathers have died, they often talk about feelings of regret over the questions they didn’t ask, and the connection they never made with their father while he was still alive. He’s not going to be here with all faculties intact forever.

Photo of my father and I at Broken Hill station

Dad and I next to the train at Broken Hill station

On the other hand, connecting with my father isn’t exactly easy. He’s in his element in a group of mostly-retired mostly-male historical train buffs. They talk about the intricacies of the trains, the tracks, the sidings, government mismanagement of their cherished but slowly declining rail transport, and the resulting increasingly-deserted towns we pass through on the way.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago