This is a guest post by Monica Viera from The Female Insider.
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Whether you meet a woman in person or online, it’s generally a good idea to start off with an opener that will help a woman let her guard down a bit around you.
Don’t know where to start? Here are some suggestion on complements for women upon your first interaction.
This is a guest post by sexologist Dr Laurel Steinberg.
I have had the pleasure of counseling men and couples on all topics related to sexuality and relationships. Men commonly report experiencing some form of sexual dysfunction with their partners at some point – the effects of these dysfunctions being quite varied. This problem is very interesting because wide-reaching negative effects can result if not dealt with well. I strive to teach men to channel their very best, confident selves to deal with this issue with ease.
Your response to sexual dysfunction will affect your partner’s response
For some men, experiencing premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation can seem like the end of the world. They often recoil in fright and humiliation. Understandably, this severely negatively impacts the evening’s mood and trajectory. Their partners are often left “hanging,” feeling let down and worried that there is something off-putting about them to cause him to not work right.
In other instances, similar men who experience premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation, are fortunate to have a completely different experience. These men create their own good fortune by making the occurrence into an official NBD (no big deal). They simply focus on engaging in mutual enjoyment with their partners, with the understanding that their penises are just one of the many tools (the others being their fingers, mouths, bodies, words and sex toys) that they can use to bring their partners sexual pleasure and orgasm.
For this second group of men, a wonderful sexual experience ensues.
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This is a guest post by Monica Viera from The Female Insider.
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There’s so much literature out there that talks about mastering the art of the pick-up while failing to define with that actually means.
For your convenience, here’s a short list of results you should see once you’ve mastered the art of picking up women:
How can you influence a woman to think and feel these things?
I’ve spent the last 5 months studying music performance full time at a local college, and this has given me the opportunity to observe both myself and the other students in my class. I particularly noticed how our approach to being coached by the teachers effected how enjoyable the process was and the final results each student got. Some attitudes to learning end up being much more enjoyable and productive than others. Other attitudes create stress, drama and unpleasant learning experiences for everyone.
I’d describe the degree to which a student exhibits the collection of traits, behaviors and attitudes that facilitate fun, powerful, rewarding learning as how “coachable” they are.
Make learning more fun by being coachable
As a confidence coach, I can appreciate that like the students in my music classes, clients who are coachable get the best results. They are the ones who tend to enjoy the process more, make faster progress and get better value for money out of each coaching session.
Furthermore, there are a lot of parallels between becoming a confident man in relationships with other people and learning to be an effective musician performing in a band, because they both require a high degree of self-awareness and interpersonal skills.
So with my own experience and that of my fellow music students in mind, here’s How To Be Coachable: (more…)
This is a guest post from my friend Stephane Tessier from TiredButWhy.com.
For my work (in France), I’ve had to go to numerous customers and I can testify that professional spaces are often too standard. Without even noticing, it can have a negative impact on each one’s wellness.
The desks are all the same. The people dress the same way. But specially, the behaviors are standardized. One compares to the others, and tries not to draw attention or to seem too different. Of course, that is not the case for all companies. Especially, small ones tend to be more relaxed.
In this article, I will encourage you to go against the conventions in order to preserve your physical and mental health. Don’t be afraid of the looks of other people.
Easy to say, but technically, what does that mean exactly? Let’s get into examples. (more…)
I recently got this email about the problem of people-pleasing and avoiding conflict:
Yo!
I read ur article about fear of conflict and laughed hysterically. Ure fkn brave man! I like ur eastern take on things too where ure aware and u breathe n things. I recognize me being a people-pleaser too and I’m shitless afraid confronting people and coming into conflict. How do i go about it? Do I just do it? How do i do it if the other part is childish and runs from u like a scared little bitch? I want to please everyone but inside i know i HAVE to come into conflict cus i cant escape it. I have to let others know when they’re being retarded. I focus too much about making others happy n i cant see em sad. Is this wrong? I think its good to be this compassionate and nice but the more i read up on it somethings telling me this kind of people pleasing is bad for u and ur future. and others?”!?!?! But isn’t that another layer I’m adding to it? Stopping people pleasing to please others even further?!?! SO FUCKED UP. WHATS THE POINT OF LIVING WITHOUT VALIDATION and ATTENTION OUTSIDE YOU. FUUUCK. SEEELF IMAGE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. WHATS THE PURPOSE of FKN LIFE?!?!
I hear your anger and frustration. This sounds like a classic example of how obsessive people-pleasing and avoidance of conflict undermines your sense of self to the point where your life seems meaningless without external validation. Here’s how to stop people pleasing and restore your true, confident sense of self: (more…)
I recently came across a great TED talk by social scientist Amy Cuddy titled Your body language shapes who you are. Her research shows that simply adopting a power posture for two minutes can increase your testosterone, reduce your stress hormone cortisol and make you more powerful in social situations… all of which translates into greater self-confidence.
She goes on to describe how to overcome the feeling of being a fraud not just by faking it until you make it, but by faking it until your become it.
From now on, I’m walking around my unit with my arms in a power pose. I don’t care what the neighbors think! Check it out: (more…)
Many men (and women for that matter) in our society don’t deal with their emotions well. As a result, most of us are walking around carrying an ever-increasing accumulation of emotional baggage that can get triggered even in seemingly innocuous situations.
People who are upset need empathy, not judgement.
For an example where this happened to me, check out my recent story on Why I Got Upset In Guitar Class. I’ll wait here while you do that…
… OK!
Dealing with people who are upset can be very challenging. Part of what makes this challenging is that other people’s emotional upset is likely to trigger our own unresolved emotional baggage. This is why many people try to shut down expressions of unpleasant emotions in other people or resort to “rescuing” behaviors intended to stem the flow of another person’s feelings that are making us uncomfortable. Naive rescuers often think they are “helping” because they see the upset person appearing less outwardly distressed; but the upset person is simply internalizing their emotional pain which has disastrous consequences for everyone in the long run.
I’m a full time music student at the moment, and I’m loving learning how to write songs, perform in front of people and express myself through music. Music is great because it deals with both the analytical and emotional side of our brain.
Becoming a rock star isn’t all riffs and distortion. There’s conflict with other musicians to navigate too.
However, the irrational nature of emotions means that they don’t always arise just when we want them to. Most of us are still carrying unhealed emotional baggage from our past which can get triggered in what might otherwise seem fairly innocuous situations. This can make dealing with unexpected upsets challenging both in ourselves and in other people.
In yesterday’s guitar class, I got triggered by my teacher’s response to what I though was a fairly intelligent question about whether the best way to improvise over a chord sequence in a major key would be by using the associated relative minor scale. My engineering brain thought that this would lead to less potential dissonance; but for any other budding musicians out there the answer turns out to be No: you use the minor pentatonic scale of the same key.
Narcissistic Mothers Turned Their Back On Our Feelings When We Were Upset
Growing up with a narcissistic mother can be a complete disaster for a growing child’s sense of self, self-confidence, and future adult relationships. Narcissists are like emotionally immature children walking around in an adult body, which makes them incredibly challenging to have as a parent. Even if your narcissistic mother does eventually grow up, her emotional unavailability and controlling nature when your infant brain and sense of self were developing can leave deep wounds in your adult psyche.
If you’re wondering whether you had a narcissistic mother, check out my previous article Ten Signs That You Had A Narcissistic Mother.
Here’s how to recover: (more…)