The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is one of those books that pretty much everyone on the planet would benefit from reading. The basic premise is that a great deal of our unhappiness and insecurity is caused by us wallowing in regret about the past, or worrying about the future. Many of us spend relatively little time actually being connected to the present moment, which is ironic because the present moment is the only one we have available to us. The past has already happened and cannot be changed, and the future hasn’t happened yet; we have relatively little real control over it either. So all we really have to work with is the present moment.

This book gives the clearest description I’ve come across of why it’s important to remain connected to the present moment. It’s particularly important when it comes to relationships with other people, since we’re difficult to connect with when our minds are somewhere else.

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Escaping Toxic Guilt by Susan Carrell

I came across Susan Carell’s book Escaping Toxic Guilt while scouring the library shelves for something on topic of dealing with shame. Guilt and shame are close relatives. According to Carell:

Guilt is feeling bad about something you’ve done, while shame is feeling bad about who you are.

Hmm… I could relate to that. Furthermore, toxic guilt occurs when we feel guilty even though we aren’t doing anything that violates our own value system. Often the source of this guilt is conditioning by controlling parents or other domineering authority figures in our childhood.

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The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

My Life Coach originally recommended I read Dr Russ Harris’s bestselling book The Happiness Trap at a time when I was struggling with a lot of anxiety which was getting in the way of me achieving consistent lasting happiness. The book is practical guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) with a subtitle that rang a chord with me: Stop struggling, start living.

The basic premise of The Happiness Trap is summed up when Dr Harris writes:

The more we try to avoid the basic reality that all human life involves pain, the more we are likely to struggle with that pain when it arises, thereby creating even more suffering.

We spend a great deal of our lives seeking pleasant feelings and avoiding unpleasant ones, because we think that this is what will make us happy. But herein lies the trap: the techniques we use to avoid unpleasant feelings actually tend to reinforce them, like the old “don’t think of pink elephants” trick. Or we avoid our feelings altogether, leaving us disconnected from reality. Even positive activities like setting and pursuing future goals can cause us to lose connection with what’s going on around us when we immediately notice that we haven’t met those goals yet, or we experience frustration over goals we haven’t been able to achieve yet.

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Online Dating Tips to Express Confidence and Attract Great Women

This is a guest post by Cynthia Connop from Living Love.

Many of my single clients are initially reluctant to try online dating, or have tried it in the past and given up. However, in Australia one in six relationships start online, both through dating sites or social media. So, it is a good place to meet singles.

Feel Confident Online Dating

It’s also a good place to get scammed (30% of scams are romantic and online) so be aware – if she seems unreal, formulaic or too good to be true then she probably is! Please don’t rescue anyone.

Meeting a great partner isn’t likely to happen in a week on RSVP, Tinder or match.com. You must not give in to the desire to give up after a few mediocre or even bad experiences. And the following online dating tips that I’ve researched can make your experiences much easier and more successful. (more…)