Many of my single clients are initially reluctant to try online dating, or have tried it in the past and given up. However, in Australia one in six relationships start online, both through dating sites or social media. So, it is a good place to meet singles.
It’s also a good place to get scammed (30% of scams are romantic and online) so be aware – if she seems unreal, formulaic or too good to be true then she probably is! Please don’t rescue anyone.
Meeting a great partner isn’t likely to happen in a week on RSVP, Tinder or match.com. You must not give in to the desire to give up after a few mediocre or even bad experiences. And the following online dating tips that I’ve researched can make your experiences much easier and more successful.
Magnetic attraction between the sexes works the same online as in face to face. So, if you want to attract your desirable woman the first step is for your ‘profile’ to project your masculine essence.
Calling yourself a ‘boy’ or ‘lonely’ in your profile name is generally a turn–off to women who want to partner a confident man. You may truly be lonely or lost, but it’s not attractive to women at first look.
Women reading your profile will be drawn to your presence, authenticity, values and a mix of security and adventure. A man who loves and honors women is very attractive. As is a man with a sense of mission, especially one in service to others.
Women are bored by the ‘I love the markets, country drives, beach walks, red wine etc.’ It’s what every other guy is writing and it won’t get you dates. Write a profile that tells who you are through real–life examples, rather than long lists of your successes, qualities or activities. Don’t be afraid to be quirky, heartfelt and in the moment. Humour works too.
Less is more. Using too many words in your profile will make women feel like they are chatting to a girlfriend rather than being riveted by a man. On the other hand, sparse information, or an incomplete profile and you will look careless or lazy.
Don’t use any negative comments about women in your profile. Even if you have been scammed, hurt, or disappointed, don’t write or talk about it. Saying you want a woman with ‘no baggage’ decodes to ‘he can’t handle me being emotional.’ Swipe.
Be adventurous, be a warrior for love.
A primary photo about chest height, where you look directly into the camera or slightly to one side will be a major draw card. Wearing sunglasses looks untrustable, and women want more than anything to feel you are a trustable man.
Photos that are of you with your plane, and bike, and motorbike, and boat, that you probably think will impress her, can look like you are showing off and obsessed with your toys. One is OK to show you are a man of action. No alcohol in the photos, or you look like you a boozer, even if it was just at Christmas.
If you have no photos, she will think you are hiding your looks. However, a password protected photo is OK.
Have a close friend or two look at your profile and give feedback.
Online dating can be flawed by the mind being too judgmental, or mentally sitting back with a list that no-one can live up to. Having a rigid set of criteria for a partner is a barrier. In person, when we meet someone at work or socially, we feel their whole being and how our heart resonates with theirs, as well as alignment and chemistry. Do the same online - be open to the connection, the attraction, the shared values and vision.
A general mistake men can make is looking for a woman the same as them, who loves the sports they love, likes the same music etc. You can do these things with your mates. It’s more important to have a loving, full woman who will enrich your life in surprising ways. And if she wants to climb Everest with you that’s a bonus!
If you say you are only looking for a woman ten years younger than you it looks like you are either a jerk or can’t handle a woman your own age. Likewise, dictating too many things you want is a turn-off. Online dating is not dial-up a pizza where you order the base and the toppings, it’s merely a place to have an introduction to many women, so you can find one you are attracted to, in body, heart and soul.
4. Progress it
Don’t spend too much time on emails or texts, progress quickly to a phone call or a coffee date. Giving her your number first is a good idea as this creates safety for her. Ask her to call or text you if she would like to.
The woman will be happy for you to move it forward. Sensitively. Many emails back and forth without you proposing a next step, will start to bore her. Expecting her to contact you when she is free is too vague and lacking in masculine initiative. She won’t be attracted by this and will rarely contact you to make a date. Better if you ask her for some available times, pick one and go for it.
If they are long distance be wary of investing months of connecting (a.k.a. projecting) before you meet up in person.
For the first few dates it’s best if you can plan the outings, being sensitive to her wishes and needs. Be clear and simple about the time, place etc. and exchanging contact numbers. Arrive early so you can check out the scene, relax and be ready to meet her.
She will feel your masculine direction and ability to create a safe ‘container’ in which she can relax and enjoy her feminine essence. She will feel you have gone to an effort and that you are interested in her. Also, it is best if you pay initially, as friends split the bill. If she refuses to let you do this then don’t push it. It may mean she isn’t attracted to you, or it might just be her style.
And listen, and listen some more! The ‘peacock syndrome’ where you want to show off to her, is a turn off to most women. It’s instinctual for a man but women don’t want to spend an hour listening to a stranger talking about themselves, and this is very common in online dating. Yes, really! It’s great to tell her things about yourself, but being more interested in her will be so much better. If you are lacking an audience, chat to a friend before your date, so your need is met, and you can have a back and forth fun chat with your date.
And once you start dating the fun begins! And even when you think you have found your ‘soulmate’, it’s a good idea to keep dating other women until the one you want says yes to you.
THE LIVING LOVE FOR SINGLES & COUPLES Workshop offers a safe place to increase your masculine essence, try out new skills and learn in a fun way with like-minded women and men.
'It was good to reconnect with myself and others, to de-armour energetically and emotionally and confirm my purpose in a safe, loving setting, beautifully held by Cynthia.' David, public servant
'Living Love has opened me wide open to a feeling of blissful embodiment, which has given me permission to unashamedly claim the purity of my sexual essence,' Kate Callaghan, mother