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Category Archives: Life Skills
Hey there, it's Graham from The Confident Man Project, and today I want to talk about how to be successful. Well, how the hell should I know how to be successful? If you want to be successful, I suspect you take tips from somebody who's already really successful. And that's why I'm going to recommend - instead of listening to me - that you read this book by Richard Branson called Losing My Virginity.
What do you do if you haven't any success?
OK, great question. It may seem hard to celebrate something that you don't already have. So here's my suggestion on how to handle it:
Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain
We live in a society that systematically denies and suppresses emotional pain. Most of us have been taught to hide how we feel both from ourselves and from other people. Having a lack of success in life is painful for a man. For me, it brings up feelings of sadness, rejection, hopelessness, despair and anger.
These feelings are painful, but allowing ourselves to feel them activates the grieving process which takes us back to a clean slate where we can start creating what we want in life. Skipping this step leaves us building on a foundation of pain, which lays dormant ready to undermine our future progress whenever one of these painful emotions is triggered again.
Since most of us guys have been trained to suppress our pain, this may not come naturally.… Continue reading…
Building confidence can take time and commitment. Each success moves us closer to the goal of being the person we were meant to be, but it can be easy to overlook or forget even major personal breakthroughs when we're in it for the long haul.
Our brains are wired to seek out problems in order to solve them ahead of time. This leaves many of us with a tendency to dwell on the negative rather than appreciating the progress that we're making and the awesome things that are in our life as a result.
One of the best ways to counter this natural tendency towards negative thinking is to celebrate your successes by sharing them with other people. I've noticed in my own life that my conditioning against pride left me reticent to share my successes with other people. I literally felt ashamed of being proud of myself!
The only way to counter shame is to share the feelings behind it with other people. If you're ashamed of your successes, I encourage you to share them with other people so that you can learn to feel good about being successful.… Continue reading…
I want to share a secret that will change your life. But first, a question:
- Do you feel frustrated with your life?
Or to go deeper:
- Are you stuck in a dead-end job?
- Uncertain what you really want to do?
- Do you find yourself feeling angry and not knowing why?
- Do you wonder why the girls you like don't seem to like you?
- Have you given up when it comes to women, dating, sex and relationships?
OK, that's enough... I know these can be painful questions. But I want to let you in on a secret that enlightened people have known for centuries which will help you dissolve your frustration:
I have some tough questions for you, but I think you're up to the task.
So let's be straight with each other: How's your life going?
How's it really going?
- Are you in a relationship with the girl of your dreams? Married? Engaged? Dating?
- Do you have a kick-ass job that you absolutely love?
- Is the money flowing your way?
- Do you have hobbies that you're passionate about?
- Are you surrounded by supportive friends who are living the lives of their dreams too?
Or is your life more like this:
- Are you still single after all these years?
- Stuck in a dead-end job?
- Surrounded by losers?
- Lacking passion for anything?
I know it may be a painful topic but also ask yourself this:
Are you afraid of missing out on what you really want in your life?
This question is so painful for many guys that they settle for what they think they can get in life, instead of going after what they really want. And the problem with settling is that deep down, you'll know that you deserved better. The people you settle with will sense it too. Either you'll live out the rest of your life in denial and unhappiness, or you'll end up having a mid-life crisis or mental breakdown.… Continue reading…
I have some tough questions for you:
- Do you feel like a failure in life?
- Have you failed to achieve what you wanted to achieve so far?
- Ever feel like life is passing you by and you don't know what to do?
I know this can be painful to admit, but if this sounds like you, there's a key ingredient that you're missing. Let me spell it out loud and clear:
Have you ever found yourself getting angry with someone, and wondering why? Chances are they were stopping you in some way from getting your needs met. For instance, I was recently at a Shamanic Journeying and Soul Healing workshop, where I found myself getting increasingly angry with an obese woman who was dominating the workshop with her stories of past lives, astral traveling and other new-age nonsense. We ended up in a conflict which ultimately led to me getting what I wanted, and reminded me of some of the secrets to getting what you want in life.
Happy New Year! Yes, you've heard it before a million times. You heard it last year too. So how did last year pan out for you? Was it happy, or would you rather forget about it?
If you want this year to be happier than last year, you're going to need to do something different. More confidence would probably help. And in order to get it, you need to take action. Focused action would be a good idea too.
Time for some truth-telling: things haven't been entirely rosy here at Confident Man Headquarters in the last few months. Life has ups and downs, and I'm certainly not immune to the emotional roller-coaster effect they can cause. They say bad luck comes in threes and I don't know if it's just bad luck, bad karma or whatever, but I do know it hasn't felt all that great lately.
So what's been going on?
Well, firstly I started a new treatment program for Chronic Fatigue and although I'm cautiously optimistic of my health improving, one of the initial side-effects was being hit with a truckload of anxiety which left me feeling despondent, depressed and hopeless.
Around the same time I entered a Theatrical Improvisation (a.k.a. Improv) contest with some new friends of mine; only to withdraw before the contest had even begun because I was feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. Something I loved doing suddenly stopped being fun.
I also quit Toastmasters because I now know enough about public speaking and it doesn't make sense to pursue it any further until my health improves. This meant my social world was shrinking, right at the time I was feeling isolated, ill and anxious already.… Continue reading…
Well it's that time of year again. Do you make New Year's Resolutions? How did you go with last year's? Have you given up smoking yet? Lost weight? Learned to be confident with women? Or perhaps you gave up on the whole idea years ago because you found that it just doesn't work.
Well join the club. But if you'd like this year to be better than last year, you need to start doing something differently. So here's a process to make New Year's Resolutions that actually work and make a profound difference in your life:
Write Down Your Goals
The first and most important step is to frame your New Year's Resolutions as goals that you can work towards, and write them down. Get yourself a goal book to write your goals down in and track your progress towards them. Keep it handy as you'll be using it a lot: It will remind you of what goals are important to you so you don't get distracted by other less important activities, and it will help build your confidence as you start to notice goals that you set yourself being achieved.