YOUR Response To Your Sexual Dysfunction Will Affect YOUR PARTNER’S Response To It

This is a guest post by sexologist Dr Laurel Steinberg.

I have had the pleasure of counseling men and couples on all topics related to sexuality and relationships. Men commonly report experiencing some form of sexual dysfunction with their partners at some point – the effects of these dysfunctions being quite varied. This problem is very interesting because wide-reaching negative effects can result if not dealt with well. I strive to teach men to channel their very best, confident selves to deal with this issue with ease.

Your response to sexual dysfunction will affect your partner's response

For some men, experiencing premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation can seem like the end of the world. They often recoil in fright and humiliation. Understandably, this severely negatively impacts the evening’s mood and trajectory. Their partners are often left “hanging,” feeling let down and worried that there is something off-putting about them to cause him to not work right.

In other instances, similar men who experience premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and/or delayed ejaculation, are fortunate to have a completely different experience. These men create their own good fortune by making the occurrence into an official NBD (no big deal). They simply focus on engaging in mutual enjoyment with their partners, with the understanding that their penises are just one of the many tools (the others being their fingers, mouths, bodies, words and sex toys) that they can use to bring their partners sexual pleasure and orgasm.

For this second group of men, a wonderful sexual experience ensues.

It’s not that the second group of men have partners who are immune to noticing the issue(s). It’s just that varied male sexual performance is normalized by his lack of a negative response. They do not allow it to get in the way of achieving the ultimate goal: to luxuriate in their lovers’ arms and have a great time together. For those men whose dysfunction becomes more than an infrequent occurrence, it is a good idea for them to have a health checkup to rule out any rare, sinister medical concerns.

Sex therapists have spent years researching male sexual dysfunction and did find that there are evidence-based (and fun!) treatments for the dysfunctions. These include Sensate Focus for erectile dysfunction, the stop-start method for premature ejaculation and working to increase sensation and fantasy for delayed ejaculation. Men can then learn and practice these techniques on their own and with their partners. Infrequent dysfunction really is nothing to greatly mind and is more common than not. You just may not hear about it as much as sex therapists do! When in doubt, simply continue with working towards your goals of experiencing concomitant intimate pleasure.

Sure, your penis is great and all, but on the days when it is in an off mood, we just love a confident guy with enough figure-it-out-itude to keep things moving, exciting and feeling groovy. Promise. Touch us again. Get over here already. And YES!

Laurel Steinberg

About Laurel Steinberg

Laurel Steinberg, PhD is an NYC-based clinical sexologist and adjunct professor of psychology at Columbia University. She graduated from Johns Hopkins and New York University, after which she completed her clinical internship at Columbia University. She has treated individuals and couples in her boutique counseling practice for over ten years and can be reached at www.LaurelSteinberg.com
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2 Responses to YOUR Response To Your Sexual Dysfunction Will Affect YOUR PARTNER’S Response To It

  1. Joshua Perkins says:

    I also agree with Dr. Steinberg. This is a topic that many men are afraid to talk about but it is so important to be able to have an open discussion with your partner. I applaud her for her direct and thorough article, which is timely and beautifully written. I will be sure to use these tips with my wife when this situation comes up.

  2. jeff woodland says:

    Great Article! I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now, and we've had those times where I couldn't "perform". Dr. Steinberg is right when she says the mood can either be saved or destroyed depending on how I react to the problem. I was pleasantly surprised by my girlfriend when I had one of those nights and, like Dr. Steinberg recommends, I didn't make it a big deal. I laughed, looked her in the eye, and said "Tonight is your night" and I proceeded to make her feel good. The funny thing is, because I'm not as uptight about it when it happens, I find that she is more relaxed around me.

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