How To Be A Sexual Man

You might think that being a sexual man would come naturally to every guy; but many of us have had our natural connection to our sexual energy beaten out of us through a combination of family experiences, religion, societal conditioning and past experiences where acting in a sexy manner towards women has led to us being rejected or punished in some way. Self-confidence and sexual confidence are one and the same, so learning how to get back in touch with our innate sexuality is very powerful.

Being A Sexual Man

Martina Hughes

With this in mind I recently attended a seminar on Being A Sexual Man led by Tantric practitioner Martina Hughes from It's great to hear a woman talking about how women want you to be up front with them about your sexuality, rather than hiding it or “leaving your penis at the door” in your interactions with women. When we pretend that we're not sexual beings in order to get women to like us, we're playing the Nice Guy game and often end up falling into the friend zone where we feel frustrated and emasculated. This doesn't work for us, and it doesn't work for the women in our life either.

When our sexuality is repressed, our life force is repressed.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Have Sex

A close friend of mine was telling me recently of her dissatisfaction and frustration in her experience having sex with men. “I want to feel the sacredness of sex.”, she said, “Guys seem so focused on ejaculation that a lot of the time I just don't enjoy sex at all.”

How to Have Sex

Image by Flickr uggboy

I suspect many women are in the same boat. As the conversation progressed, I got the sense that it wasn't just sacredness that was missing from my friend's sexual encounters. There was a more basic problem: many guys just don't seem to know what they're doing. “Often they're trying to put their penis in my vagina when I'm not even aroused yet. I'm not wet, and it just tears and really hurts.” Ouch. “They don't even seem to know how to turn a woman on. You could say it's just the guys that I'm choosing, but these are conscious guys and one of them had even studied tantra; and they still don't seem to know what to do.”

It may seem pretty basic that a woman needs to be aroused and lubricated before she can enjoy sex, but even getting to that point can be challenging.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

TantricBlossoming's Being Man Retreat

I turned up to the Tantric Blossoming Being Man retreat with a sense of excitement about experiencing more of this “Tantra” thing that I'd heard about in my interview with Tantric Practitioner David Anderson. It was clear to me that Tantra had to be experienced rather than merely talked or read about, and I felt ready to dive in. From what I knew about David and his co-leader Martina Hughes, I figured there would be some great experiences in store.

At the same time, I also felt tremendously relieved just to be able to take some time out from my not-so-normal life. The panic attacks that I had experienced only a couple of weeks before were still very fresh in my memory; they had seriously undermined my confidence and the lingering fear of their possible return weighed heavily on my mind. Being overwhelmed by fear and anxiety seemed the antithesis of where I was trying to head in my life, and I wasn't happy about it. Confident Man, my ass; the previous few weeks had felt more like panicky, fearful little boy to me.

By comparison with the panic attacks, my usual thoughts on meeting a new group of people faded into insignificance: “Would I fit in?”, “Would I get on with them?”, “Would they like me?” barely even crossed my mind...… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Using Tantra to Develop Your Masculine Confidence

I've been interested lately in how Tantra can help me take my own confidence to new levels, and recently interviewed Tantric Practitioner David Anderson from to discuss how you can use Tantric techniques to boost your sexual confidence and become more confident in relationships with women generally.

Many men are afraid of women and don't show up as a masculine man around women. We're often particularly afraid of women's emotions, and this all stems from being stuck emotionally back with mum. When we were a boy we sought love from our mother, and the fear was that if mum didn't love us we'd be alone and we'd die, so we did anything we could to get love and attention from her.

We run stories about our mother in our heads that keep us stuck in this pattern which we project onto all the other women in our life. The most powerful way to break out of these stories is to be honest with ourselves and our mothers about how we felt towards her growing up. When we start taking responsibility for our mother issues we start attracting different women into our life.

Women often put men to the test to see what we're made of and whether they can trust us.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago