Did You Have A Difficult Relationship With Your Mother?

One of the dominant themes that my clients and other readers of this blog usually have that has undermined their self-confidence is a difficult relationship with their mother. When we have a good relationship with our mother from infancy through adolescence, our nervous system is wired for a sense of safety and we are prepared to take on the world as an adult. However, if we had a difficult relationship with our mother, this can wire our nervous system for anxiety and leave us feeling unsafe long into adulthood. Psychologists call this an attachment disorder, and the implications on the rest of our lives can be devastating.

A controlling mother can leave you feeling unsafe

However, there is hope. Attachment issues can be resolved by developing our emotional intelligence, healing attachment trauma, practicing good boundaries and forming emotionally healthy adult relationships; all of which rewire our nervous system with a sense of safety.

I was recently interviewed about this by Marriage & Relationship Coach Suzanne Venker on her podcast after she came across my article How to Recover From a Controlling Mother. It’s ten full years since I wrote that article, so this interview has lots of wisdom that I’ve gained from my clients, and from my own relationship with my mother, in the mean time.

This revealing interview covers:

• My own experience growing up with a critical, controlling, emotionally unavailable mother
• Why controlling mothers rely on other people to regulate their emotions
• How childhood attachment trauma causes adult anxiety
• How to heal attachment trauma
• How to release your nervous system from freeze mode
• How to set boundaries with a controlling mother
• How to self-parent your own wounded inner child
• How to restore self-confidence by learning to regulate your own emotions

Here’s an excerpt:

The full interview is included with The Confident Man Program.

Resources mentioned in the interview:

• How To Recover From A Controlling Mother
• How To Recover From A Passive Father
• How To Heal Attachment Trauma
• Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters by Erica Komisar
• Nonviolent Communication: A Language Of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
• The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman by GS Youngblood
• Connected Parenting: Set Loving Limits and Build Strong Bonds with Your Child for Life by Jennifer Kolari
• The Hoffman Process
• Graham Stoney: Comedy Therapist