I know a lot of nice guys who say that they generally just don't ever feel angry. I can relate to them, because I used to be exactly the same: I repressed my anger to the point where I didn't even feel it any more. Yet certain situations would really bug me: when someone said or did something that should rightly have made me angry, I'd end up ruminating on it for hours, going over and over a conversation in my head replaying all the things I would have liked to have said until it drove me crazy. If only I had allowed myself to be angry! In fact, I was angry; but I just didn't express it at the time and so I paid the price for it in self-recrimination later.

When we tell ourselves that we never get angry, we are just lying to ourselves. We're playing the nice guy game to avoid conflict. And the problem with this is that we don't end up standing up for ourselves. Feeling angry is normal: it's an emotion that motivates us to stand up for what is important to us. If we repress our anger, we just end up angry with ourselves and that's a recipe for misery and depression.

Women are attracted to guys who freely express their anger, because they see a man who is capable of defending them if the going gets tough. When a woman senses that a man cannot or will not stand up and defend himself, she loses attraction for him; she's biologically wired to seek out a man who has the confidence to protect her when she is feeling vulnerable.

So if you never find yourself getting angry, it's time to start unlocking your anger and learning to express it constructively. Watch this video to learn how:

For more on dealing with Anger, see Step 16 in Confident Man.


Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.

6 Comments

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney · June 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I'm not convinced; to suppress any normal emotion to the point where it isn't even felt is going to be unhealthy.

Kendall Ryder · June 12, 2012 at 6:36 am

Just now i realize that,there are waiting something for me to learning. Because i can't control my anger. So, I've need to learn from this nice post. Thanks a lot.

    Graham Stoney

    Graham Stoney · June 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    My experience is that trying to control emotions is self-defeating. Let go of trying to control it, learn to express it constructively and allow it to run its course. Cheers, Graham

Charlenevans09 · May 11, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Hi Graham, good thing to hear that you know how to handle your anger. But isn't it bad to keep your anger on your own? Others said that it may cause heart attack...

    Graham Stoney

    Graham Stoney · May 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    That was kind of the point, yes.

John Robie · May 11, 2012 at 4:44 am

Hey Graham,
Another way I've found to constructively channel anger rather than suppress it or let it burst out in a fit of aggressive rage is through assertion. "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith is an amazing book that covers the topic extensively. To summarize real quick: the adrenaline based reactions of flight (suppression) and fight (rage) aren't so useful in most situations in our daily lives, so we're often better served by verbally stating what we want rather than reacting with our bodies. Btw, the background for your videos look very peaceful and 'at nature.'
Be Amazing,
JR

Comments are closed.