HappinessMany of us guys lack a basic emotional literacy; we have physical sensations when we're feeling something, but we often don't know how to identify what we're feeling, nor are we able to recognise emotions in other people. Being able to identify emotions is the basis of empathy, which is a core communication skill.

In short, most of us don't understand how our emotions work. Simply learning to identify and express the following basic emotions will improve your relationships dramatically:

Basic Emotion Also Known As Physical Sensations
Angry Rage, Defensive Heart racing to fight
Sad Upset, Lonely, Grief, Hopeless Crying, Tears in eyes
Scared Anxious, Frightened, Fear, Terrified Frozen or heart racing to run
Ashamed Embarrassed, want to hide Blushing
Guilty Remorse, “I'm bad” Choked up
Disgusted Appalled, “it's wrong” Face screwed up
Happy Joy, Excited Smiling
Love Warm, Peaceful, Secure, Compassion Relaxed/tingly

The unpleasant emotions dominate the table because they tend to give us the most grief. Learn how to express them constructively, and you end up experiencing more of the pleasant emotions too more or less automatically.

The more childish your language, the more likely that what you say will connect with your inner child and trigger your natural emotional healing process. It's better to say “I feel scared” than “I feel anxious”, and “I feel sad/lonely/hopeless” than “I feel depressed”. Avoid psychiatric diagnoses like “depression” which do not promote healing, and instead express the emotions that underlie them.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. To learn more about Emotional Intelligence and the dramatic positive impact it can have or your life, I highly recommend Nicholas de Castella's e-book The Keys To Emotional Mastery, included as a free bonus in The Confident Man Program.

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.