If you're like me, you weren't born a "natural" when it comes to flirting with women, and it's a skill you need to develop. For the longest time, my aim in conversations was to try and get women to like me. And guess what? It doesn't work. The more we try to get people to like us, the less likely they are to end up doing so. Especially when we're relating to women. Somehow no matter how much I tried, I was always a hopeless flirt, and could never seem to get the women I was interested in, interested in me.

And then I discovered the secret to flirting. I can't believe I didn't notice it before. Once I realised what it was, I noticed that all the "naturals" I knew who got on so well with the women I was interested in were doing it with these women; I just hadn't realised. It's so simple, I can sum it up in one word: teasing.

This revelation was like an epiphany for me when it came to relating to women.

If you want to learn to flirt, you need to learn to tease. The more attractive the woman, the more likely you are to need to tease her. Attractive women are sick of boring guys trying to suck up to her by being "nice" all the time. Perhaps like me, you had bad experiences with being teased when you were a kid, and hate the idea of hurting anyone elses's feelings. Well we're all adults now; we're not in high school anymore. Adult women actually like it when you tease them. It's fun and flirtatious. Now you don't want to go too crazy picking things she's likely to be really sensitive and end up feeling hurt about. The aim isn't to hurt her feelings; it's to have some fun and show that you're not intimidated by her.

Just this weekend I was at a Brazillian Festival in Sydney. I wasn't feeling real well, but I met a very cute Czech girl there who had the most wonderful energy that just talking to her lifted my spirits. Rather than my old habits of trying to get her to like me, I decided to have some fun and tease her. She came from a town near Prague, and when we talked about how beautiful Prague was, I hassled her saying "If Prague is so beautiful, why did you move to Sydney?". She said that when she got off the plane, she breathed in the Sydney air and just fell in love with the place. "Kind of makes me wonder what the guy in front of you was smoking!" I replied. You see, I'm learning to stop self-censoring and actually saying what pops into my head in conversations with women. I'm also thinking "What can I tease her about?" in the back of my mind while listening to what she's saying, rather than thinking "What will I say next to impress her?"

By the end of the conversation, she was doing most of the talking and asking me lots of questions about where I grew up, how many languages I speak. In the past, a lot of my conversations with women have been the other way around, with me asking all the questions as they gradually get less and less engaged. Now I know that teasing is the key I was missing.

Of course, teasing isn't everything. I wouldn't have been able to engage her on the discussion about Prague if I hadn't been to Europe myself, and we wouldn't have been able to discuss different languages if I hadn't learnt to speak French and Sign Language.

Travelling overseas and learning other languages are just two of the things I recommend in Confident Man. If you want to start having more fun with women, and begin experiencing the success you deserve grab yourself a copy now.

Categories: Communication

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.