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Recent Forum Topics
My punching bag has been getting a good workout lately, getting more of my repressed anger out of my system. One of the recent triggers has been whiny, complaining people.
For example, last week I was in an acting class where everyone seemed to want to complain about something. One woman turned up late and complained that she had trouble parking the car, and seemed to want the teacher to solve the problem for her. I'd managed to get a parking space with no trouble, and there's a train station right across the road so it really didn't seem like a huge deal to me. A bit of forward planning and she'd be able to park the car and get to class on time.
Then another guy turned up late and started protesting when the teacher requested that he turn up on time in future. Thing is, he always turns up late. It's like his thing to be late, and he always makes a big deal of it when he walks into the room. We even used it to mock him in a performance one time; but really he's the only one who finds it funny. The rest of us just grin and bear it.… Continue reading…
One of the most powerful things I've done in the last 12 months to continue building my own confidence is to join a men's group. Our fortnightly gatherings allow me to connect more deeply to other men and in doing so, connect more deeply to my own masculine power. My experience of other males at my all-boys high school wasn't a particularly positive basis for me to build trust in men. So my men's group is a valuable opportunity to learn trust and mutual respect amongst men who are prepared to be vulnerable and real about what is going on in their lives.
With this in mind I was keen to interview Brett Churnin from mensgroup.info, who is at the centre of a loose collective of men's groups all founded with the intention of growing more confident, capable, loving, powerful and honest men.
Brett first become involved in a men's group after he and another desperately single male friend discovered David Deida's book The Way of The Superior Man while looking for more powerful ways to relate to women. They came to realise that being a man was very different to what they had thought, and started to explore the notion of masculinity and how to develop themselves as men.… Continue reading…
I felt appalled this morning to read the letter by Taliban commander Adnan Rashid justifying why Pakistani schoolgirl Malala Yousafzai had been shot in the head. While the letter expresses some remorse over the shooting, it also goes on to justify the shooting based on Yousafzai's advocacy of freedom of non-religious education for Pakistani women.
I felt angry when I read about this. I wanted to do something about the injustice and other dilemmas that arise for me when I read a man's explanation for the shooting of a woman simply for expressing an opinion he disagreed with, and the religious system that was used to justify it.
However, I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem: millions of men on all sides going to war over their inability to control the thoughts and actions of other men and women. In this specific case, of one young woman in particular; but it's hardly an isolated incident. The problem is enormous. And in feeling overwhelmed, I felt powerless. Powerless to do anything to help these men in the Taliban.
Hang on a sec... powerless to help these men? Why would I want to help the Taliban, when they go around shooting young women in the head?… Continue reading…
Rates of mental illness are rapidly increasing in the Western world. Depression and anxiety have become common place, and they're just the tip of the iceberg compared to more severe mental illnesses such as bipolar, schizophrenia and so-called personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder.
So why has mental illness become such a problem in a society which offers more opportunity, longer life expectancies and greater possibility than ever before? What causes mental illness, and how can it be cured?… Continue reading…
You're feeling excited about a project and keen to move forward, and then the evil gremlins in your mind rise up and strike a blow that stops you in your tracks. Or perhaps you feel stuck in your tracks unsure even which way to move in the first place. If so, there's a good chance you're being held back by self-doubt.
I know the feeling all too well. The fear of failure, the procrastination, the voice in my head that says “nobody will read that article”, “nobody will come to your gig”, or “you're gonna fuck it up in front of everybody!”. It all comes down to self-doubt and the fear of failure that lurks beneath.
So how do you overcome this evil gremlin?
Here's what I tell myself when self-doubt strikes:
Do you have money problems? If so, I recommend you check out Paul Blackburn's book Resolving The Money Riddle which will teach you how to identify and resolve your subconscious blockages to wealth and help you create a positive mindset around money.
Paul originally wanted to call this book How I went from Sweet FA to $10 Million a year in 18 Months, but his wife and business partner Mary felt this was an inappropriate business title and they settled on Resolving The Money Riddle instead. Nevertheless, he still managed to slip his preferred title onto the front cover as the tag line.
The theme of the book is that the most important factor in your financial success, or that of your business, is the grey matter between your ears. As in other areas of life, our mindset is everything. For Paul, running a business isn't about the money; it's a personal development opportunity that will push your boundaries at every turn. In other words, it's about how you develop as a human being.
Resolving The Money Riddle teaches you that to be successful with money in your business and personal life you need to:… Continue reading…
No man is an island: If you want to grow into a mature confident man, you need good male role models and mentors around you. Ideally you'd come across these mentors naturally in your father, uncles, extended family and community where you grew up. But if the men around you weren't fantastic role models or lacked something that you needed... then you need to look further afield.
One such mentor for me has been Paul Blackburn, also known as Coach Curly, from Australian personal development company Beyond Success. I first met Paul at a 3-day Think And Grow Rich conference in Sydney, Australia. Plenty of speakers spoke that weekend about all aspects of wealth creation, but Paul's message about connecting with my heart resonated most with me.
The first thing that was obvious about Paul was that he's an extremely entertaining speaker. His stories are funny and engaging, and I could really relate to where he was coming from. He also seemed very real; he didn't seem to be hiding behind the façade that a lot of speakers use to protect themselves on stage. Either he'd honed his craft to the hilt, or the guy really was just being real up there.… Continue reading…
What do you do if you haven't any success?
OK, great question. It may seem hard to celebrate something that you don't already have. So here's my suggestion on how to handle it:
Allow Yourself To Feel The Pain
We live in a society that systematically denies and suppresses emotional pain. Most of us have been taught to hide how we feel both from ourselves and from other people. Having a lack of success in life is painful for a man. For me, it brings up feelings of sadness, rejection, hopelessness, despair and anger.
These feelings are painful, but allowing ourselves to feel them activates the grieving process which takes us back to a clean slate where we can start creating what we want in life. Skipping this step leaves us building on a foundation of pain, which lays dormant ready to undermine our future progress whenever one of these painful emotions is triggered again.
Since most of us guys have been trained to suppress our pain, this may not come naturally.… Continue reading…
Building confidence can take time and commitment. Each success moves us closer to the goal of being the person we were meant to be, but it can be easy to overlook or forget even major personal breakthroughs when we're in it for the long haul.
Our brains are wired to seek out problems in order to solve them ahead of time. This leaves many of us with a tendency to dwell on the negative rather than appreciating the progress that we're making and the awesome things that are in our life as a result.
One of the best ways to counter this natural tendency towards negative thinking is to celebrate your successes by sharing them with other people. I've noticed in my own life that my conditioning against pride left me reticent to share my successes with other people. I literally felt ashamed of being proud of myself!
The only way to counter shame is to share the feelings behind it with other people. If you're ashamed of your successes, I encourage you to share them with other people so that you can learn to feel good about being successful.… Continue reading…
I want to share a secret that will change your life. But first, a question:
- Do you feel frustrated with your life?
Or to go deeper:
- Are you stuck in a dead-end job?
- Uncertain what you really want to do?
- Do you find yourself feeling angry and not knowing why?
- Do you wonder why the girls you like don't seem to like you?
- Have you given up when it comes to women, dating, sex and relationships?
OK, that's enough... I know these can be painful questions. But I want to let you in on a secret that enlightened people have known for centuries which will help you dissolve your frustration: