Walk Like You Own The Place

Here is another tip for you to help you build your confidence: And this tip is not original; I’ve nicked this from somebody. I can’t even remember who it was. I’d give them credit if I could, but, well, there you go.

The tip is to walk around like you own the place.

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Visit A Toastmasters Club

Hey there, it's Graham again, and today I want to teach you about how to learn the skill of public speaking. Now, before you start shaking in your boots, consider that public speaking is one of the number 1 things that you can do to increase your self-confidence.

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How To Tackle The Root Cause Of Domestic Violence

The problem of domestic violence has been in the news again, as it seems to be every few months or so. Out come all the stereotypes of battered women suffering at the hands of evil men, along with tasty sound-bite comments from mostly-female spokespeople working at the coal face in vastly underfunded community organisations.

Domestic violenceNot all violence is committed by men; women are sometimes violent too. And violence is not the only form of abuse happening behind closed doors in our society: emotional, sexual and spiritual abuse can be equally damaging. Nor is the simplistic innocent-victim/evil-perpetrator model always the full truth. But for the sake of simplicity, let's roll with the stereotype for a moment since it tends to cover the majority of domestic violence cases, and I primarily work with men anyway.

Despite the excellent work done on a shoestring by the various organisations working to prevent domestic violence, the problem of men's violence towards women and children continues to hang around like an offensive odour.

How can this be, when it's in the news so often?

I believe it's because we aren't tackling the root cause of the problem. When domestic violence is in the news, I very rarely hear commentators asking the obvious, basic, underlying question:

Why are men violent?… Continue reading…

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Get Out Of Your Head And Practice Making Choices

Here is an exercise for getting out of your head and developing your ability to make choices. Often when we lack self-confidence we lose our ability to make choices because we've been taught in the past that it's not okay to want what we want, it's not okay to like what we like and we have to be kind of bland and neutral about everything.

So in today's exercise we're going to start reinforcing that ability to make choices by making choices about the environment around us, and they can be arbitrary choices if you like. Any choice will do to get kick-started, so let's have a go.

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What To Do On A First Date

Today I want to talk about what you should do on a first date. A lot of guys are stressed out about what to do on a first date and end up setting up some fancy, highfalutin dinner date thing where the woman feels kind of trapped and the guy feels like he's got to impress, and it's just stress and tension and it's just not a whole lot of fun for everybody.

So what you really want to do on a first date is simply take a woman out for coffee. Go to a coffee shop and just sit around and have a chat. Keep it nice and light and casual. Nothing too heavy-duty. Make it easy for her to escape if she needs to escape if she doesn't like you and don't get all caught up on the idea that she needs to like you.

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What Do Women Think About Men Having Coaching?

Hey guys. In case you've ever questioned the value of getting coaching to help overcome the gap between what your father should have taught you, and what you actually learned; check out the comment I just received on my article about the problem of passive fathers teaming up with controlling mothers.

Helen writes:

My husband has totally abdicated his role as a leader in our family. He is content to remain checked out of parenting, the marriage, consumed with self-pity over having his life now seriously limited by MS, addicted to watching sports and living in complete submission to life...he lives life like he is a guest in his own world. My children, now 20 and 23 see him as weak willed, clueless, apathetic and a poser. For many years I have worried about my son and growing into man. I have been the one to throw the football, teach how to use tools and power equipment, how to paint, wax a car, fix leaky faucets, hang a light fixture etc. His Dad just passively watched saying he was not good at that stuff....he is simply lazy, passive and apathetic. With the challenges of life, his own crappy father, he chose to get bitter instead of be better.Continue reading…

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Don't Shave For A Week

Hey, it's Graham here from The Confident Man Project. Today, I have a suggestion for you which you might notice I've got a little bit of facial hair going on here and that's because I haven't been shaving for about a week now. So I've got about a week-long growth.

If you want to make a big change in your life, one of the big ways to do that that's pretty easy and dramatic is to make some change in your personal appearance. For instance, if you've never had a beard, well, try growing one. If you always have a beard, try shaving it off. If you've never had a mustache, try growing one of those. If you always have on, try shaving it off.

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My Feelings on the Executions of Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran

I had a lot of mixed feelings this morning after hearing of the executions in Indonesia of convicted drug smugglers Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran overnight. For readers outside Australia and not familiar with the case, they were sentenced to death in 2006 by an Indonesian court after being found guilty of attempting to smuggle more than eight kilograms of heroin to Australia via Bali. Their arrest in Bali came after a tip-off by an Australian lawyer to the Australian Federal Police was relayed to Indonesian authorities. The court found Andrew and Myuran to be the ringleaders of the group often described in the Australian press as "The Bali Nine". Their case had received a great deal of coverage during their trail and leading up to their impending executions, with many pleas for clemency being made on the basis that they appeared to have rehabilitated and been model inmates during nearly 10 years on death row.

Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran

Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran

I didn't know Andrew or Myuran; my only real association with them is via the media, and the fact that I grew up in the same city they did. Nevertheless I do feel a lot of conflicting emotions about what they did and their resulting execution; and since the healthiest way to deal with emotions is to express them, here they are:

Mostly, I feel a great sadness for their friends, family and loved ones left behind.… Continue reading…

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How To Manage Anger Constructively

I grew up in a home where anger wasn't handled well. Let me take you back there:

Do Other People Push Your Anger Button?

Do Other People Push Your Anger Button?

Now, don't get me wrong. My mother lets her anger flow freely, but she rarely uses the actual words "I am angry". Instead, her anger comes out as hurtful criticism, put-downs and emotional bullying.

My dad isn't any better. He bottles his anger up so badly that he often seethes with resentment so loud that I can hear him muttering under his breath when I'm playing in the next room. It's frightening.

All it takes is for mum to walk in and say, "What's wrong with you, you stupid creature?" and, bang, next round of World War III is back on again.

What I learned from all this was the idea that anger was somehow a bad thing, that it was a bad emotion that I should never feel, because it always seemed to be expressed destructively around me.

As a result, I learned to push down my anger very hard, to suppress it. In fact, I pushed it down so hard that in the end I barely even felt it.… Continue reading…

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How Your Emotions Work

Hi, I'm Graham. I had 18 years of formal education - that's 12 years of primary and high school, and then another six years at university studying engineering - and during that time, I learnt a lot about how to think but very little about how to feel or how my emotions worked.

In fact, I can't remember in that entire time a single class where I sat down and had a teacher teach me how my emotions work.

Now, possibly maybe in art classes or in music classes or maybe even in English they might've come close, but really nothing all that direct and concrete.

And that's a shame because, fundamentally as humans, we're all driven by our emotions. All our behavior is an attempt to either move towards pleasure or move away from pain.

So emotions are absolutely key to getting what we want in life. They're also the key to a successful relationship, especially with women.

So in the rest of this article, I'm going to give you a quick introduction into how your emotions work.

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