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Become a Confident Man
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It's a beautiful day so I've come outside to give you a confidence building exercise on getting out of your head. Now, the reason why getting out of your head is important is that we spend a lot of time doing a lot of analytical thinking, we often tend to have very analytical thinking jobs that get us really stuck in our head and we just completely lose touch with what's going on around us.
Today you're going to learn about how to expand your sphere of influence in your organization, in the place where you work and in your life generally, and also how to get connections with people you may not have connected with before and build your self-confidence and your level of influence all at the same time.
What I recommend doing is if you work in an organization with other people - and most of you probably do - then, chances are, there are people within that organization who are effectively your peers but you don't necessarily have a whole lot to do with on a day-to-day basis.
Let’s have a bit of a chat about a massive topic that undermines self-confidence and that is called shame. And in addition to just talking about it, I reckon that there’s a book you should read about it, which is this one: It’s called Healing The Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw, and it’s an absolute classic in the area of dealing with this nasty substance called toxic shame.
Today you're going to learn another tip for building your self-confidence: going to lunch with a male friend.
Often when we lack confidence, we tend to fall into a syndrome called Nice Guy Syndrome, and this has a number of effects and one of them often is that we think that we're much better relating to women than we are to men and we tend to avoid having really close relationships with other men.
This is a bit of a crazy idea when you might hear it at first, but it's totally one that works: It's about taking a female friend shopping with you.
Often when we're going out with a girl and we want to go out on a date, we end up setting up this real big hyped-up kind of pressured situation in some fancy restaurant with a girl that we barely know who doesn't know whether she's going to like us or not or whether we're going to click. It's just awkward and uncomfortable for everybody, and I recommend that you stop doing that.
Instead, start getting comfortable hanging out with women in comfortable environments where everyone is used to hanging out. And the number 1 environment that everyone is used to hanging out is the supermarket.
Here is yet another confidence building tip for you: Today you're going to learn about taking your mother out to lunch. Now, my relationship with my mother has been a source of some pain and anguish for me, and this is a way of getting past some of that stuff by actually trying to re-establish an adult-adult relationship with your mother, whereas when you were a kid you would've had a child-adult relationship with your mother and that may not have gone all that well for you if your mother was anything like mine.
So what you want to do now is start putting some of that childhood stuff behind you and begin to see your mother as just a regular adult person who you can have a normal adult relationship with.
Here is yet another confidence building tip for you. And today you’re going to learn about how to overcome some of that approach anxiety that you may have about talking to women who you haven’t met before.
And the key to overcoming this is to break things down into manageable steps, and the step that I want to talk to you about today is simply giving compliments to women that you see without having any kind of expectation of getting anything back from them or any kind of payback or any they’re going to like you or you’re going to end up talking to them or in bed with them. Just dropping all that stuff.
Hey, it’s Graham here, and I’m coming at you from my sister’s place this time. And, hey, can you notice behind me on the wall there were some matching degrees? Isn’t that cute? My sister and her husband happened to go to the same university, so, yeah, they’ve got matching degrees on the wall. But that’s not really what I’m here to talk about. What I want to do is give you my biggest tip ever for meeting and becoming confident with women.
Now, I was talking to my mate Peter last week and he said to me that when he read The Confident Man Program Guide, this was the biggest tip that he got from it and that’s why I list it as my number 1 skill that any guy who wants to be confident with women should learn. And so do you want to know what it is? I’ll tell you.
Hey guys, would you like to have more self-confidence? Would you like to just feel more comfortable being yourself in social situations? How about would you like to feel more confident around women? Or would you like to just be more successful in life generally?