I often hear women giving guys who struggle when it comes to meeting women the well-intentioned but deadly advice:
Just be yourself.
Any guy seeking advice on meeting women knows that this just doesn't work. After all, you've been “being yourself” your whole life, and look where it's got you so far. Given that so many women offer this nugget of advice so frequently, it's worth looking at why it fails in practice:
Who Are You Really Anyway?
Who you are is a combination of your core self, and all the learned behaviours that you've acquired since you were conceived. Together, these make up your personality. Of all the animals on the planet, humans have the largest capacity for learning, and hence the highest proportion of learned behaviour in our personalities. Your personality is what other people experience when they meet you, but it's not really who you are at your core.
Given that most of your personality is learned behaviour, if you are sufficiently motivated and persistent you can learn new behaviours which get you better results; especially in your interactions with other people. If you feel like a failure when it comes to women, you need to realise that they problem isn't you; the problem is the way you have learned to behave and communicate.… Continue reading…