Self Esteem

The 5 States Of Self-Confidence

Hey guys, it’s Graham here, and I want to talk about the five states of self-confidence so that you can build your confidence more quickly. Now, all of us go through these different states of various different points in our life and at different times during the day, but it’s useful to recognize what state you’re currently at so that you can know what it is that you should do in order to move yourself to a higher state where ultimately you’ll feel more confident. The more often you do this, the more confident you’ll feel generally. (more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Telling The Truth About Anxiety

I had another reminder last night about the value of telling the truth for healing anxiety. This year has been a pretty rough one for me, with all sorts of anxiety exacerbated by chronic fatigue bubbling up in different situations. I've had a few conversations with my sister about it, who invited me to a talk at The Resilience Centre on overcoming anxious thinking which she wanted to attend because several of her friends suffer from anxiety. It turns out to be a common problem.

Anxious Man

Anxious Man (photo courtesy PhotoXpress)

Part of the talk used the analogy of a sailing ship with demons in the hold. When we sail towards the land representing our goals, sometimes the demons jump up on deck and start going crazy forcing us back out to sea. We often end up avoiding going after our goals to settle the demons back down; but we end up bored, restless and feeling unfulfilled. The key to reaching our goals when we're feeling anxious is to take it one step at a time and learn to deal with the demons that come up without being overwhelmed. Each time we successfully sail closer to the land, the demons get a little quieter.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Want Free Porn?

See hot young barely legal teens getting banged right now! It's a college cum-fest with the girl next door turned slut taking it on her face, in her mouth, up her ass and everywhere else. Wild screaming orgasmic naked girls gone crazy 100% free!

Sound appealing? Porn offers instant visual stimulation and sexual gratification in the comfort of your own home or office, without all the usual hassles of a relationship with an actual woman. And the Internet is awash with it. Look hard enough and you'll find it for free; but if you're in a hurry you can whip your credit card out and find multiple lifetimes worth of visual stimulus streamed to your computer in an instant. Just don't get caught at work, avoid anything illegal and you'll stay out of trouble.

You might feel a bit ashamed though; but hey, who are other people to judge you for what you do in your spare time? They're probably doing it too. Just about every guy is, after all. Those hypocrites!

Time for a reality check though. Is free porn really free? And even if you do pay for it, is it worth the real cost?

If you overlook for a moment the general grungyness of the industry that produces it and the way most so-called porn stars get treated, one of the remaining problems with porn is that time you spend looking at pornography is time that you're not spending developing communication skills and relationships with real people.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

What Are You Living In The Shadow Of?

Palm tree growing in the shadow of another treeIn the backyard of my sister's holiday house where I'm currently staying is this palm tree on the right of and growing very close to a larger gum tree. The palm is living it's life in the shadow of the other tree and you can see that it's not as big or as luscious as palm trees usually are. In fact, it looks mangy and emaciated. Not flourishing. The leaves are small, few and far between. They fall off easily. This palm tree is not exactly fulfilling its full potential.

That's because the shadow from the other tree blocks the sunlight, and they're so close to each other that their root systems have got to be entangled and choking each other. It's probably fair to say that as a result the slightly larger tree isn't growing to its full potential either.

Now I'm sure that my sister's septic system is glad these two trees aren't growing gangbusters, because they'd be sending their roots down into it. Or at least, it would be glad if septic systems had feelings; which I'm pretty sure they don't. They'd be pretty cranky at all the crap they have to put up with.

But looking at the two trees reminds me of what it's like living in a shadow, and some of the shadows I've had in my life including:

  • A general sense of self-doubt

  • A lack of self-confidence

  • A fear of failure and criticism

  • A vicious inner critic voice in my head

  • School-yard bullying and a resulting distrust of other people, especially other men

  • A complete lack of confidence with women

  • A religion that I ultimately found constraining, even though other people finding it liberating

  • A passive father

  • A dominant mother

  • A lucrative profession that left a large and important part of me unexpressed and unfulfilled.

Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago