Self Esteem

Give Yourself Credit

I just got back from a totally fascinating conversation over lunch with my friend Jenny, and her brother Derrick. Jenny lined it up because her brother used to suffer from Chronic Fatigue, something that I've been experiencing for the last 18 months. We talked for quite a while about what causes this most frustrating of mystery illnesses, and whether it could have an emotional basis in some of the unresolved family background and upbringing stuff that I've been working through over the last few years. Jenny had to leave early to get back to work, but Derrick and I continued on as the topic of the conversation turned increasingly towards every man's favorite subject: women.

It turned out that Derrick and I had even more in common than just the family background of dominant mother and ineffective father: a lethal combination when it comes to setting a man up for future interactions with women. We talked about what makes a man attractive to a woman; and what repels them. We talked about the importance of being authentic, and how us sensitive guys often learn implicitly to be insincerely inoffensive nice guys in our interactions with women; and then wonder why we seem to end up powerless- like our fathers were.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to Flirt with a Woman

If you're like me, you weren't born a "natural" when it comes to flirting with women, and it's a skill you need to develop. For the longest time, my aim in conversations was to try and get women to like me. And guess what? It doesn't work. The more we try to get people to like us, the less likely they are to end up doing so. Especially when we're relating to women. Somehow no matter how much I tried, I was always a hopeless flirt, and could never seem to get the women I was interested in, interested in me.

And then I discovered the secret to flirting. I can't believe I didn't notice it before. Once I realised what it was, I noticed that all the "naturals" I knew who got on so well with the women I was interested in were doing it with these women; I just hadn't realised. It's so simple, I can sum it up in one word: teasing.

This revelation was like an epiphany for me when it came to relating to women.

If you want to learn to flirt, you need to learn to tease. The more attractive the woman, the more likely you are to need to tease her.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago