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Tag Archives: assertiveness
I grew up in a home where anger wasn't handled well. Let me take you back there:
Now, don't get me wrong. My mother lets her anger flow freely, but she rarely uses the actual words "I am angry". Instead, her anger comes out as hurtful criticism, put-downs and emotional bullying.
My dad isn't any better. He bottles his anger up so badly that he often seethes with resentment so loud that I can hear him muttering under his breath when I'm playing in the next room. It's frightening.
All it takes is for mum to walk in and say, "What's wrong with you, you stupid creature?" and, bang, next round of World War III is back on again.
What I learned from all this was the idea that anger was somehow a bad thing, that it was a bad emotion that I should never feel, because it always seemed to be expressed destructively around me.
As a result, I learned to push down my anger very hard, to suppress it. In fact, I pushed it down so hard that in the end I barely even felt it.… Continue reading…
Hey there, it's Graham from The Confident Man Project with an idea for you and here's something I never had the guts to do back before I worked for myself, but that's okay. I can still suggest it. You might want to do it. And that is to be able to go and ask your boss for a raise.
This is particularly important if you feel that you're not being paid your worth and you're a hard-worker. You do a really great job and you just feel as though maybe you deserve a little bit more in your paycheck and you want to push your comfort zone, step outside and do something that's a little bit challenging; then it's a great idea to go and ask your boss for a raise.
Hey, it's Graham here again from The Confident Man Project, and you're about to learn another fun way of building your self-confidence. And today what I want to talk about is letting other people get out of your way.
The solution to this whole issue is for the man to man up and start stand up to his mother and saying what's important to him whenever there's some kind of conflict so that he can learn to side with you in the relationship rather than with his controlling mother.
There's really nothing that you can do as a partner in terms of what his mother does, and the solution to the problem is not for the mother to change her behavior. You can't expect other people to change, and we have really no control over other people's behavior.
Most of my advice is aimed at men, but today I have a video for you ladies out there on the topic of how to deal with a man who has a controlling mother. I've written a previous article on how to deal with a controlling mother, and I'm getting an increasing number of comments left by women in response to this article which was originally aimed at men. And the women are talking about their frustrations in having dealt with partners who had controlling mothers.
What I'll cover here today is what you should if your boyfriend, husband or partner has a controlling mother and this is having some kind of impact - and it's generally a negative impact - on your relationship with the guy.
My mother and father are still together after 50 years of marriage. They are good, church going people who are very community minded. They show love by acts of service and are often kind and generous to other people. But the way my critical mother treats my largely passive father is toxic, and I recently took the opportunity to stand up to their behaviour in order to reverse the negative effects it has had on my own life. Here's how it panned out:
Recently my parents and I all attended my maternal aunt's 90th birthday party, along with my maternal cousins, my two older sisters, and all their husbands/wives and families. We spent the weekend in a lovely guest house in the country and since it was a long drive for my aging parents, they asked me to give them a lift there and back. I am a little apprehensive because I know the way my parent's behaviour often triggers me, but I see it as an opportunity to connect with them and spend some additional quality time together.
The two-hour drive to the guest house is relatively uneventful, with occasional friendly chatter and lunch at my parents' favourite cafè on-route.… Continue reading…
One of my mentors once described families like the one I grew up in as crazy-making. I thought, “Wow, that’s a fantastic description.” Take a perfectly normal infant child, bring them up in a crazy-making family and you’ve pretty much got a recipe for insanity. But how do you know if you’re living in a crazy-making family? Well, I’m glad you asked. So here’s the top 10 signs that your family is crazy-making:
G’day, guys. Today you’re going to learn about how to quieten your inner critic. So your inner critic is that voice in your head that tells you that you’re stupid or that you’re wrong or that you’re not allowed to do things that you want to do or generally makes your life kind of miserable by putting the boot in and ripping into you at any opportunity.
If you’re anything like me, you have, or maybe had in the past, a very strong inner critic that is the result of a lot of criticism that you may have received when you were a kid or as an adolescent or even growing up and as an adult. Criticism even as an adult can still sting.
Hey there, it’s Graham again from The Confident Man Project, and I’m down in the beautiful bush today with yet another confidence building tip for you. And today I want to talk about dropping defensiveness. Now, this came up to me a few years ago when I was reading a fantastic book by Malcolm Gladwell called Blink, which is all about the power of developing intuition. One of the things that Gladwell talks about in his book is the golden rule of theatrical improvisation which is the technique that comedy actors use on stage to improvise new material. And the golden rule is this: always accept what other people say about you as being the truth.