I was recently interviewed by Christopher from The Craft of Charisma podcast about the work that I do with my clients to help them regain their natural confidence. The full interview ran over two hours as we went deep into many of the issues that have impacted our self-confidence in the past, how we worked through them and how we both now help other men too.
Do you ever experience situations where you suddenly feel really bad in response to something happening around you, and have a compelling urge to withdraw or shut down? If so, you’ve probably been emotionally triggered.
I’ve been doing some acting training lately with a local theatre company which does shows based on Forum Theatre. This style of theatre is highly interactive: The actors perform a play in which things end badly for one or more of the characters; but then instead of leaving it there they go back and replay some of the scenes using suggestions from the audience as to what the characters could do differently that might change the final outcome. We even get members of the audience up on stage to role play their suggestions while the other actors remain in character to see how the ideas from the audience play out in practice.
The role I was being trained for was to act as the Joker: a kind of cheeky M.C. whose role is to liaise between the actors and the audience, asking for suggestions from the audience and encouraging them to get up on stage to play those suggestions out. While the introduction to this part of the play was scripted, the audience interaction is all improvised based on the suggestions that the audience offer. Some suggestions will be worth running with while others may need to be modified or combined depending on everything from the values of the organisation presenting the show to the time constraints imposed by the venue.
If there’s one theme that shines through from legendary actor and ladies’ man Errol Flynn’s autobiography My Wicked, Wicked Ways, it’s his complete lack of shame in going after what he wanted. He loved the company of beautiful women, and his swashbuckling movie persona ensured that he had more attention from them than he could handle. Yet even before becoming famous, it seemed that he had something that women wanted and they were happy for him to seduce them so they could have a taste of it.
Flynn’s sense of adventure and willingness to take risks seems to lie at the heart of what made him so appealing to women. He was unashamedly sexual with women, getting into more than the odd spot of bother and ending up accused of statutory rape after some under-age actress with starry eyes got involved with him. Or at least, that’s his version of the story. Perhaps it was part of a conspiracy against him, or maybe they just regretted it later and wanted revenge.
“I like to enjoy the thrill of living every day; every hour of the day. For we are only here this once, and let’s feel the wind while we may.”
– Errol Flynn, My Wicked, Wicked Ways (more…)
Stress is the unspoken epidemic of the 21st century. There’s too much to do, too much pressure, too many people to please. We feel restless, tense and on edge much of the time. You can’t relax. After a while, you begin to think that this is normal; the way you’re supposed to feel all the time. You get addicted to your own adrenalin.
You never take the time to even breathe properly. You push, and push, and push as though your life depends on doing what you think you need to do. There’s never enough time. And when your current project is done, there’s always a new one to work on. The pressure never ends. You get headaches frequently, but push on regardless.
Left untreated, chronic stress will destroy your health and rob you of your zest for life. Eventually you burn out, give up, fall ill, get depressed and just don’t care any more. It’s important to learn how to manage stress before that happens. Here are some tips on how to do it:
Your body isn’t built to handle the non-stop adrenaline rush of chronic stress. If you live in a constantly adrenalin charged state, eventually your health will suffer.… Continue reading…
Taking an acting class isn’t your traditional type of therapy, but it can dramatically boost your self-confidence. The great thing about acting classes is that they give you permission to expand the emotional boundaries of your personality, and you discover that you aren’t as limited as you thought.
Acting teacher Sanford Meisner described acting as “Living truthfully under imaginary circumstances”. When you learn to act, you confront those areas of your life where you’re inhibited, holding back, and living in-authentically. You also get permission to go into areas where your personality normally wouldn’t go, and realize that there are other authentic roles in life that you could play than the one you’ve been playing up till now.
Acting is particularly good at affirming your emotional nature as a human being. If you normally hold back on expressing how you feel, an acting class will snap you out of it. Even just being in an environment with creative people whose lifeblood depends on the ability to feel and express emotion is liberating.
If you want to meet women, an acting class is a great place to do it. You’ll work together on scripts and scenes where they’ll get to see a side of you that you probably don’t often show and may not even be aware of at the moment.… Continue reading…
If you’re lacking in confidence, meeting women can seems like a major challenge. You can’t date women you can’t meet, and this affects everything from your social life to your sex life. Approaching women in bars and clubs can be a hit and miss affair, and office romances can be problematic. But finding female company is easy once you know the secret to meeting women:
Get involved in activities that women also enjoy, over a period of time that gives them the chance to get to know you.
You want to meet real ones, right?
Image courtesy Pixabay
The best activities involve learning any new skill that women value which boosts your confidence, while meeting women in the process. This slips you in under the radar and makes you much more approachable than when you’re obviously just “out to meet chicks”. Here are the best ways to go about this:
This is by far the most effective way of meeting women. All women love men who can dance, but many men are afraid of looking foolish and won’t put up with the initial discomfort while they learn. Women respect men who are prepared to be vulnerable, and you become a hot commodity once you’ve mastered it.… Continue reading…