How To Be Cool

Cool people are, well, cool to hang around. They are relaxed in who they are and stay cool in any situation. If you want to be more confident, more popular, have more friends, attract more women, or just get along more easily with other people then it's worth developing some cool traits.

Here are some ideas on how to be cool:

Forget About What Other People Think

The quintessential element underlying coolness is that you don't care what other people think of you. It's none of your business. You retain a cool detachment from other people's judgments of you at all times, and this allows you to relax and let your true personality shine through. Whether other people like you or not is of no concern to you. Cool people don't get lonely very much because they've got plenty of friends, and they know there are always people to hang out with. They are non-needy. Since they don't need more friends, they attract them easily.

This trait of being unconcerned with what other people think of you underlies everything else about being cool. It also distinguishes genuinely cool people with superficial people who are trying to fake it until they make it. Let go of your fear around what other people think of you and start living spontaneously. This is the essence of cool.

Stop Trying To Be Cool

This is a paradox: whenever you're trying to be cool, you're not actually being cool. It's not really something you can fake. Try-hards are not cool. Remember, being cool is all about letting go of your attachment to what other people think. Work hard on that instead of on trying to be cool so that girls will like you. That's just a vicious circle. Start making your own rules and doing what you really want deep down instead of trying to impress others. Learn to truly let go, even of the idea of being cool.

On the other hand, don't deliberately go to the other extreme and act like a nerd or a jerk. Just accept that deep down you are already a cool person, shed whatever exterior facade prevents you from expressing your inner coolness, and get on with living life on your terms.

Be Your Own Man

A cool man is self-determined and makes his own rules. He understands that life is not fair, and has learned not only to live with this, but to benefit from this fact. He knows that he is the boss of his life and he gets to dictate the rules by which the game of life is played. It's his way, or the highway. Other people can take it or leave it. It doesn't matter to him whether other people like this or not. He's in charge.

Cultivate the attitude that you are the boss of your life, and start living accordingly. Don't treat other people as inferior; that's not cool. Just recognize that you're running your life, and leave other people to run theirs.

Avoid Getting Defensive

When challenged by other people, the cool man avoids getting defensive. He understands that since it doesn't matter what other people think of him, he has no need to set other people straight or correct their misconceptions about him. He's out to have fun and enjoy life, not to sit around debating whether he's right or wrong about something. If other people get the wrong idea, that's fine. He'll offer his opinion if he's asked, but it's no big deal whether others agree or not.

It's particularly important to avoid getting defensive around women. A cool man knows that women put men to the test all the time. He can recognize these tests and pass them easily, where other guys get defensive and flounder. Instead, he turns every test into a playful opportunity to flirt and have fun.

Develop Your Sense Of Humor

A cool man has a great sense of humor and knows when and how to be funny. He's always looking for amusement in the world and is happy to share it with others. Stop self-censoring your amusing inner thoughts and start sharing them with the people around you. Learn how to laugh at life, and not take it so seriously. Humor often arises out of the unexpected so start looking for unexpected connections between people, places, events and ideas in your daily life. Notice how funny other people are and start sharing it in ways that aren't degrading. Avoid using humor to put people down; that isn't cool.

Don't Take Life So Seriously

Cool people know that they're here to enjoy life, not to stress and panic about every little problem that life throws at them. Learn how to have fun and let go of the times in life that you don't get what you want. Laugh at yourself when you get things wrong. Drop the facade of perfection that you've cultivated to protect yourself and start relaxing more and being real around other people. Smile and joke around more.

Taking life seriously turns you into a neurotic nutcase. This will undermine coolness instantly. Let go of your stress and find the funny side of every situation, even if it takes some digging. Over time you'll learn to do this automatically. Once you've learned how to help other people laugh at their struggles, you'll have cool totally nailed. This is why comedians are cool.

Build True Inner Confidence

The more confident you feel, the easier it is to be cool in any situation. Nervousness and insecurity are the antithesis of cool. You can't really fake coolness; other people will notice if you aren't really the cool, confident guy you're trying to project. Let go of trying to be cool as a means to some sort of end, like being popular or attracting women.

Instead, work on building your inner confidence so that you can be comfortable and relaxed in any situation. Make a commitment to yourself to truly be confident, and you'll find other people much more able to relax and have fun around you. They'll get to see that deep down you really are a cool guy that they want to hang around, without you having to do anything special to make it happen.

Build your confidence now: Click here to get the Confident Man program.

About Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.
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9 Responses to How To Be Cool

  1. chandan kumar says:

    I am a not good looking boy . I am just a simple boy. And decent . I fall in love first sight. But i afraid to told her . She is very fair and good looking . I am trying to chat on facebook but she does not accept my friendship at facebook .so i got depressed . What should i do to impress her.
    I really want her

    • Talk to her in person and see if she likes you too. If not, don't get stuck on her: remind yourself that you deserve better and move on. There are plenty of very fair good looking girls out there. She may get jealous and come after you; or you'll find someone else. Either way you'll be happy.

  2. iced says:

    thats a cool avatar, raki 😀

  3. Moose Knuckle says:

    I wish I could be cool,

  4. Jon says:

    I was watching something the other day (I forget what) and it said that to be cool was to do things that are right regardless of what others think. This is a good approach to take. Many people become uncool because they follow poor advice from others.

  5. raki says:

    That's really a cool article.

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