Hey, it’s Graham here again with another confidence building idea for you. And today I want to talk about a serious subject which is the weighty topic of getting some emotional healing, if you need it. Now what tends to happen to us in life is invariably we go through a series of events, some of which are great and some of which are not so good, and some of the ones which are not so good can be so heavy that they’re really traumatic and they leave us with some kind of emotional scarring deep down in our psyche that hangs around and affects us for the rest of our life until we get to the point where we’re ready to deal with this stuff.

Now, the way that your subconscious works and that your emotions work are that any time you have a event that happens with a strong emotional response, in particular an emotional response that’s too strong for you to deal with at the time, we end up with a traumatic memory stored deep in our subconscious. And what happens is that any time in the future that we’re in a similar kind of situation, we’ll have the same emotion arise because we’ve been programmed for that by the traumatic event that’s happened back in our past.

The net result of this is that we don’t respond to things the way that we would normally respond if we were free of these kind of traumatic memories, and then we find ourselves having an irrational emotional response that can be quite overwhelming in situations instead of feeling just free to be relaxed and respond as we normally would.

So, for instance, if you’ve had traumatic experiences with women when you were a kid, then this is going to affect you as an adult because you’re going to find that you’ve got fears and anxieties coming up when you’re around women and you’re just not going to be able to relax and just be yourself, and this is going to impact your ability to connect with women.

And it’s not just with women; this happens with any situation in life, and we can even go on and develop phobias of situations simply by trying to avoid these traumatic memories that are buried down in our subconscious.

The net result of this is that if you’ve had some events in the past that have left you with some emotional scarring, then what you need to do is get yourself some therapy that will help you to move past these events by healing the emotional pain that is associated with them.

So what do you want to look for when you’re looking for a therapist or somewhere to do this kind of work? You need somebody that has a quality which is known as empathy, and empathy is the ability to relate to how somebody else is feeling emotionally.

The empathy that a therapist shows you allows you to get in touch with the emotions that you’ve been burying around the events in your life that have caused you some pain and some trauma, and by un-burying those emotions you will allow yourself to express and to feel and release these emotions that you have trapped in your subconscious, and to release them in a way that is not overwhelming so you are able to break them down into manageable chunks so you can feel the sadness of what happened or the fear of what happened or the hurt or the anger, whatever it is that you have been feeling deep down that you’ve been avoiding ever since then because the event has just been too overwhelming.

Often when we start doing this, we find that we’re entering territory that’s completely unknown because we may not even be aware that we have these kind of emotional wounds. But this is extremely common and a lot of guys are very reluctant to do any kind of work on this or go to any kind of therapy because that involves admitting that you’ve a problem, that there’s something wrong and we’ve been trained not to admit when there are things wrong.

We’ve been trained to have a stiff upper lip or boys don’t cry or, you know, whatever it is. Like, just to shut up and just deal with it, rather than actually expressing the emotions that are underneath what’s happened to us. And emotions are what’s driving our whole lives, so this is extremely fundamental.

If you have never had any kind of therapy and you’re finding that your life isn’t working the way that you want or that you’re experiencing symptoms like anxiety or depression or fatigue or just general run-down-ness or you’re just unhappy with what’s going on in your life or you’re finding yourself frustrated or angry all the time, these are all good clues that you’ve got some emotional stuff going on to deal with, and I highly recommend that you find a therapist, emotional intelligence coach, or a group of people where you can start relating empathically and being really honest about what’s been happening for you emotionally so that you can start to heal and move forward with your life without being constrained by all the baggage and bullshit that’s happened in the past.

This is a big thing, guys, so, look, seriously consider this. Remember to find a therapist that you can relate to, somebody that has empathy, who can just listen without judging how you feel and encourage you to go deeper into those feelings that you may currently be avoiding.

Obviously doing this is going to involve some courage on your part, and exercising courage is the main thing that builds confidence. So if you don’t want to do this because you think it’s not going to work for you or you don’t want to go there because it’s all just a bit too painful, these are all clues that it’s really what it’s time for you to do.

So get out there, look around for a therapist or a coach skilled in empathy that you can trust and I highly recommend this if you haven’t ever given it a go before.

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.