Hey there, it’s Graham from The Confident Man Project again and today I want to talk at you about your family. Family issues have been pretty huge for me so I know a little bit about this and I want to share with you what I have learned, particularly about stopping seeking validation from your family. What tends to happen when we’re young is that our parents experience us as an infant, as a baby, as a child, an adolescent and then by the time we become an adult our parents’ view of us is often so fixed by their earlier experiences of us that they have a lot of trouble accepting who we now are as an adult being different to who we were as a child. And this is the reason why a lot of the time when we hang around our families we tend to regress back into a child-like state where we behave and relate to our parents and our siblings in much the same way that we did when we were a kid. That’s not necessarily what you want to do if your childhood experience wasn’t one where you felt reinforced and validated and loved and just nurtured and you had a really fun time all the time. So if you want to break away from some of the family stuff, it’s really important that you stop seeking validation from your family. http://youtu.be/dJ18rGJBqWQ (more…)
If you grew up in an environment where you felt a sense of unconditional love, you probably developed strong self-worth and confidence by default. And you're probably not reading this. But if you felt early on that love was tied to acceptance and approval from other people, you may have developed a bad habit of seeking approval from other people as a way of feeling good about yourself.
The problem with seeking validation externally from other people is that our self-worth ends up at the mercy of their moods and on what we imagine other people are thinking of us. This leads to insecurity rather than self-confidence. We feel good when we get approval, but we feel terrible when we don't; or even just if we think we don't. Seeking external validation can become an addiction that causes an endless cycle of highs and lows and leaves us feeling overly self-conscious.
[caption id="attachment_3335" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Build Self-Confidence By Becoming Self-Validating.
Image courtesy Pixabay[/caption] I know first hand what this is like, and it's not where you want to be. The solution is to learn to become self-validating, so you're not reliant on other people's approval to feel good. Learn to make choices that are best for you while considering the consequences for yourself and other people. Stop worrying what other people will think all the time. Ironically, the more approval you give yourself, the more you end up getting it from other people; and when you don't, you won't care so much. So here's how to become self-validating: (more…)