How to Overcome Social Anxiety

Social anxiety and the sense of shyness that it causes can be one of the most frustrating aspects of a lack of self-confidence. Much of our joy and happiness in life comes from our relationships with other people, and shyness cuts off many of our opportunities to meet new and interesting people before we've even begun.

In this age of computers, iPods, the Internet, chat rooms, online forums, Facebook, Twitter and other social media web sites, we're getting more and more used to relating to other people electronically. That means we're getting less and less practise at social skills, so naturally we're gradually becoming more socially anxious.

But like any form of anxiety, social anxiety is treatable if you approach it in the right way. You don't have to be held hostage by your fear of other people in social situations. I've been working on this for a long time myself, and here's what I've found most helpful:

Understand That It's Normal

Firstly, understand that some degree of social anxiety is normal. We're all biologically programmed to be wary of people we don't know, and to suss them out to work out whether they're friend or foe before trusting and being able to fully relax around them.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

Overcoming Reluctance To Approach Women

As guys, we can be our own worst enemy sometimes. I just had this question from a reader:

I have finally come to the realisation that I know enough of this stuff. What I haven’t mastered is the action step. And I don’t know why. Whenever I see an attractive woman, I know I have a lot to offer, but regardless of what I think, I still don’t actually do anything. It drives me spare to be honest. How do you connect learning and doing?

I fall into this trap too sometimes; I see an attractive woman, yet I don't approach her. Call it approach anxiety, fear of the unknown, not knowing what to say, limiting beliefs, lack of confidence... It doesn't matter what you call it, the question is: what to do about it.

So here are a bunch of ideas that work for me at overcoming or avoiding approach anxiety/reluctance:

Start Wherever You're At

Don't beat yourself up just because you don't approach every woman you find attractive. I don't either, but I am committed to personal growth and to improving my social and communication skills on a consistent basis, and that's what gets me results.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago