harry potter Archives • The Confident Man Project

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- Graham’s StoryI suffered from a chronic lack of self-confidence right from early childhood through most of my adult life. I am a sensitive person and was deeply traumatized by the never-ending conflict and hostility in my parent’s relationship. My mother was, and still is, the dominant force in my family of origin. Highly intelligent but emotionally withheld, she was always quick to criticise and would never back down in any of the petty arguments with my father that characterized their relationship. He, on the other hand, was relatively passive yet and was often driven to explode with frustration due to his inability to express his emotions or to handle my mother’s frequent put-downs. She would berate him saying “You stupid creature; why can’t you just tell me what you’re thinking!”, not realizing the irony behind her nagging criticism. Our home didn’t feel like a safe or fun place to be much of the time. My two elder sisters both dealt with this in their own way, leaving me feeling excluded and abandoned a lot of the time. My sensitivity in this situation was always invalidated, caused me a great deal of grief and felt like a genuine weakness. Ironically, my parents…
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- ConfidenceConfidence, or more precisely self-confidence, is an awareness that you have the ability to rise to whatever challenge life throws at you. It is the single most important asset that a man can possess, because it determines how you respond to challenges that impact how well everything else in your life goes. Great challenges always involve great opportunities, but it’s only through having confidence in yourself that you are able to see and take advantage of these opportunities. Confidence is partly general and partly contextual. You might feel confident about your ability to drive a car, but not so confident about your ability to play a guitar… especially if you’ve never learned. But an innate sense of self-confidence will make it much easier for you to learn to play a guitar, because you’ll feel more positive about the likelihood of success and less worried about failure. Every skill that you acquire has the potential to build your self-confidence, and this general sense of confidence begins to spill over into other areas of your life. We start out in life by inheriting the confidence of our parents, plus or minus a little depending on our personality and individual disposition. Lack of…
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Masculinity

Harry Potter and the Path of Confidence

You might think that the Harry Potter series are just children’s books, but there’s plenty of adult wisdom in them if you look more closely. Their incredible popularity means that they’ve obviously struck a chord with millions of children and adults alike. So what can we learn from Harry Potter about the Path of Confidence?

Warning: contains minor spoilers…

You’re A Wizard

In Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Harry learns that he’s a wizard. He just didn’t realize because he’s been brought up as an orphan in a family of muggles (non-wizards). It’s a similar situation to many other men I know who lack confidence: we were brought up in families with low self-esteem and poor communication skills, and we internalized this believing there was something wrong with us.

You’re a wizard too. You just don’t realize because your unique gifts weren’t valued in the environment where you grew up. Once Harry enrolls in Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he’s finally in the right environment to flourish and discovers that he’s already famous. It’s the same for you: once you realize that you’re a wizard and get into the right environment, you’ll flourish and your old feelings of lacking confidence will be a distant memory.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, 12 yearsFebruary 8, 2012 ago