Are You Afraid Of Talking To Beautiful Women?

I've read a lot of books on talking to women, and most of them never even mention the core problem a lot of men I know face when it comes to talking to beautiful women.

This problem may arise as approach anxiety, not knowing what to say, feeling like you're never good enough, putting women an a pedestal, trying to get beautiful women to like you, or just plain being overwhelmed with fear around hot women.

And it all comes down to feeling powerless around them.

If you feel powerless around the women you're attracted to, it's probably due to something you learned early on in life and are still hanging onto because subconsciously you believe that your very survival is at stake.

The question to ask yourself if you suffer from this is:

How do you feel around your mother?

You need to answer this question honestly, and since you may be ashamed of the answer I'm not going to ask you to share it with anyone; but you do need to be honest with yourself about it.

Many guys I know who struggle with anxiety when talking to beautiful women also find it difficult to really “be themselves” around their own mothers. Typically they had an overly critical or controlling mother, and they're still emotionally enmeshed in an adult/child relationship with her.

So why does this make you anxious around hot women?

Well, there was a time in your life when your survival depended upon your mother. She had complete power over you and could control everything from what you ate, to where you went, what you did and who you spent your time with. As a baby you couldn't even feed yourself, so if she abandoned you, you knew that you would die.

Potential for rejection by the most powerful woman in your infant life triggered the primal fear of death.

Now that you're an adult in a society where appearance gives beautiful women high social status, hot women have the power. So the fear you held towards your all-powerful mother is projected subconsciously onto beautiful women who now have the potential to wield their power over you. They unwittingly trigger all the repressed fear, anxiety and anger that you may still be holding towards your controlling mother.

These repressed emotions get triggered subconsciously whenever you go to talk to a powerfully beautiful woman. It's not your fault; it's just the way your brain works. You got wounded in your relationship with the first powerful woman in your life, and now that wound is getting triggered by other women you meet.

In order to get over this fear, you need to heal the emotional wound and claim your power back by breaking the childish emotional connection that you still have with your critical mother. Otherwise, the anxiety will keep going off each time you encounter a beautiful woman.

Stop giving your power away and quit seeking validation from attractive women. Take them off the pedestal and realize that they're no better than you. In fact, they have many of the same anxieties and struggles as you have; often more so.

Most importantly, realize that they are not your mother and you don't need their approval.

If you don't deal with this, you'll subconsciously treat other women as your mother: constantly seeking from them the approval that you didn't get from her. This makes you a very unattractive proposition to high-status women.

You can learn pick-up lines and routines to work around this problem in mild cases, but fake-it-till-you-make-it only gets you so far. Eventually you need to deal with the root cause. To learn how to do this, see Step 8: Forgive Your Mother in Confident Man.

About Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.
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