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Tag Archives: social skills
Hey, it’s Graham here from The Confident Man Project again and today you’re going to learn about becoming assertive by using “I” statements in conversations. I find that a lot of times when talking to people or listening to people who lack confidence, what we often tend to do is we use the word “you” where really we mean “I”. Often the reason behind this is simply bad practice, we’ve got into a bad habit of doing it, and also we’re wanting to try to connect with the other people who we’re talking to so we end up saying “you” to talk about general experiences in the hope that they’ll get where we’re coming from instead of saying “I” where we’re talking about our specific experience.
Hey, it’s Graham here, and I want to talk about starting conversations with strangers. And there’s a little trick here that I’ve worked out that I want to share with you which I think is kind of important. So the reason why starting conversations with strangers is important is that it’s in conversations and our social skills that our confidence is most important and is most obvious to other people.
Now, there’s no magic silver bullet to starting conversations with strangers. The reason for that is that it doesn’t really matter what you say to people when you first meet them. Everything that’s really important is in the attitude that you have. If you’re nervous and insecure or edgy when you meet somebody, particularly a woman, they’re going to sense that and they’re going to feel like, “I’m bit uncomfortable about talking to this person.” You’re not going to come across as very confident.
You may have already seen the whiny, complaining videos from Elliot Rodger, the gunman in the recent Santa Barbara shootings. While I'm loath to give posthumous fame to someone who takes out his pain and anger in such a destructive manner, the guy does have a lot to teach about how not to approach the topic of being successful with women.
Unfortunately Elliot never reached out to me for coaching, so I couldn't help him. There are countless other life, dating and confidence coaches on the internet who could also have made a huge difference. Plenty of YouTube videos from dating coaches would have taught him what he needed, had he bothered to put it into practice. I've read somewhere that he was getting professional help at the time of the shooting, but clearly it didn't give him the skills he needed to change his world view or deal with his pain and anger.… Continue reading…
Communication between the sexes. It's always been difficult, and even as the workplace and the world in general open up more and more to women, we all still know that men and women are a little different. We think differently, speak differently, and expect different things. But when we share these differences, we can dramatically improve communication and relationships.
Guys, whether you're married with kids, a newlywed, or just looking for love at the moment, read this list of eight things most women wish you knew, and remind yourself of them often. If a man can get these eight things right, he'll definitely notice a difference in his relationship with just about any woman.
1. You don't have to fix all our problems.
Whether it's because of nature or socialization, women tend to be more relationship and feeling oriented creatures than men. While men like to solve problems with concrete solutions, women need to talk things out and be understood. Numerous studies have confirmed this, including one recent study through the Harvard School of Medicine. This study showed, that women and men were happier in their marriages when both partners made an effort to understand the feelings of the other partner.… Continue reading…
I hardly need to spell out the advantages being popular: more friends, a wider social circle, greater confidence, more people to play and have fun with, and more women to choose from when dating. Being popular can either be superficial like Glinda in the musical Wicked, or a deeper trait based on being an all-round great guy. I'd suggest going for the deeper version every time.
With that in mind, here are tips on how to be popular:
Make Other People Feel Good
Popular people love making other people feel good because it's more fun having fun with other people than doing it by yourself. Learn how to make other people feel good by being around you, and they'll want to be around you more and more. Pretty simple, really.
Learn How To Make Other People Laugh
Making other people laugh is a great way to make them feel good. Develop your sense of humor and learn to express the quirky, amusing thoughts that go through your head. Learn to tell stories that amuse other people, show off your strengths, and make them laugh. If you don't consider yourself funny, read books on stand-up comedy and learn the secrets that comedians know about how to make other people laugh.… Continue reading…
See hot young barely legal teens getting banged right now! It's a college cum-fest with the girl next door turned slut taking it on her face, in her mouth, up her ass and everywhere else. Wild screaming orgasmic naked girls gone crazy 100% free!
Sound appealing? Porn offers instant visual stimulation and sexual gratification in the comfort of your own home or office, without all the usual hassles of a relationship with an actual woman. And the Internet is awash with it. Look hard enough and you'll find it for free; but if you're in a hurry you can whip your credit card out and find multiple lifetimes worth of visual stimulus streamed to your computer in an instant. Just don't get caught at work, avoid anything illegal and you'll stay out of trouble.
You might feel a bit ashamed though; but hey, who are other people to judge you for what you do in your spare time? They're probably doing it too. Just about every guy is, after all. Those hypocrites!
Time for a reality check though. Is free porn really free? And even if you do pay for it, is it worth the real cost?
If you overlook for a moment the general grungyness of the industry that produces it and the way most so-called porn stars get treated, one of the remaining problems with porn is that time you spend looking at pornography is time that you're not spending developing communication skills and relationships with real people.… Continue reading…
I often hear women giving guys who struggle when it comes to meeting women the well-intentioned but deadly advice:
Just be yourself.
Any guy seeking advice on meeting women knows that this just doesn't work. After all, you've been “being yourself” your whole life, and look where it's got you so far. Given that so many women offer this nugget of advice so frequently, it's worth looking at why it fails in practice:
Who Are You Really Anyway?
Who you are is a combination of your core self, and all the learned behaviours that you've acquired since you were conceived. Together, these make up your personality. Of all the animals on the planet, humans have the largest capacity for learning, and hence the highest proportion of learned behaviour in our personalities. Your personality is what other people experience when they meet you, but it's not really who you are at your core.
Given that most of your personality is learned behaviour, if you are sufficiently motivated and persistent you can learn new behaviours which get you better results; especially in your interactions with other people. If you feel like a failure when it comes to women, you need to realise that they problem isn't you; the problem is the way you have learned to behave and communicate.… Continue reading…