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Tag Archives: sadness
Many men (and women for that matter) in our society don't deal with their emotions well. As a result, most of us are walking around carrying an ever-increasing accumulation of emotional baggage that can get triggered even in seemingly innocuous situations.
For an example where this happened to me, check out my recent story on Why I Got Upset In Guitar Class. I'll wait here while you do that...
Dealing with people who are upset can be very challenging. Part of what makes this challenging is that other people's emotional upset is likely to trigger our own unresolved emotional baggage. This is why many people try to shut down expressions of unpleasant emotions in other people or resort to "rescuing" behaviors intended to stem the flow of another person's feelings that are making us uncomfortable. Naive rescuers often think they are "helping" because they see the upset person appearing less outwardly distressed; but the upset person is simply internalizing their emotional pain which has disastrous consequences for everyone in the long run.… Continue reading…
Hey there, it’s Graham here from The Confident Man Project, and today you are going to learn all about the importance of expressing how you feel. Now, as guys, often we don’t get taught how to do this, we don’t learn how to do this, we don’t practice how to do this; we just tend to keep our feelings to ourselves a lot of the time and this is a massive problem because when we bottle up our emotions inside, we are prone to all sorts of horrible things like illness and depression and just unhappiness and frustration and it makes it hard to connect with other people, particularly with women who just love having an emotional connection with you.
And so I want to really advocate for the idea of you expressing how you feel in any moment. Like, right now I’m feeling a whole mixture of things. I’m feeling happy and I’m feeling frustrated and I’m feeling a bit pissed off and irritated and, you know, all this stuff is going on inside me all at once and it’s very unhealthy to just keep all that stuff bottled down inside.
Many of us guys lack a basic emotional literacy; we have physical sensations when we're feeling something, but we often don't know how to identify what we're feeling, nor are we able to recognise emotions in other people. Being able to identify emotions is the basis of empathy, which is a core communication skill.
When you're feeling sad, listening to positive, encouraging music can help you break out of it.
Here's my favorite music for turning sadness into happiness and optimism:
I get knocked down. But I get up again. No, you're never gonna keep me down. Words to live by.
Paul Colman Trio: Turn
Gotta turn this life around, turn this life around. Catchy jingle about beating hard times, if you can ignore the kitsch religious undertones.
Steve Winwood: While You See A Chance
While you see a chance, take it! Great advice Steve.
En Vogue: Free Your Mind
Confidence is a lot about how you think. Free your mind!
David Guetta featuring Kelly Roland: When Love Takes Over
Want to feel more love in your life? Get it here.
Dutch featuring Crystal Waters: My Time
This is my time, this is my time.
Jimmy Cliff: I Can See Clearly Now
A classic song for emerging from difficult times.
KT Tunstall: Suddenly I See
For that "Aha!" moment, when you realise you've now got the confidence you always wanted.
Vanessa Amorosi: Shine
Everyone's gonna shine.
Steve Winwood: Back In The High Life
That's where you're going to be: Back in the high life again.… Continue reading…
The way we think has a profound impact on our self-confidence and our success in life. Paul Blackburn and his team at Beyond Success run a great workshop called Resolving The Mindset Riddle that teaches how to deal with our thoughts more powerfully so we can have the confidence and success in life that we really want.
Positive thinking sounds great in theory, but trying to change our thoughts by sheer force of conscious effort rarely works. The key to changing the way you think on a deep and lasting basis is to recognize that most of what goes on in our heads actually happens subconsciously. The conscious part of our brain that we're aware of is relatively small and insignificant compared to our subconscious, which is much more powerful. We don't usually like to admit this, but our subconscious is actually running the show. If you've ever noticed a conflict between what you wanted to do and what you actually ended up doing, it's because your subconscious is in charge.
We're not usually aware of what's going on in our subconscious, but we can get a clue by tapping into our emotions which arise from the subconscious part of our brains.… Continue reading…
Traumatic or emotionally painful events in our past can leave us with emotionally charged memories that get triggered whenever we find ourselves in similar circumstances later in life. This will undermine your confidence in these situations, as the powerful emotions triggered quickly become overwhelming even though there's no real threat present.
There are a myriad of different life experiences that can cause trauma and emotional pain. Perhaps your parents were emotionally unsupportive, only loved you conditionally when you were good, or didn't approve of your friends, hobbies, interests or career plans. Maybe they argued and left you feeling unsafe in your own home. Perhaps there was abuse and violence in your family. Or your parent's divorced or separated, leaving you wondering if you were to blame. Perhaps your brothers and sisters, or other kids at school didn't accept you, or you were bullied, or the girls didn't want to play with you. Maybe your childhood sweetheart broke up with you, left you for another guy, or just didn't want to be around you in the first place. And then they went on to become a media star, reminding you of the pain every time you saw them on TV even years later.… Continue reading…