I've spent the last 5 months studying music performance full time at a local college, and this has given me the opportunity to observe both myself and the other students in my class. I particularly noticed how our approach to being coached by the teachers effected how enjoyable the process was and the final results each student got. Some attitudes to learning end up being much more enjoyable and productive than others. Other attitudes create stress, drama and unpleasant learning experiences for everyone. I'd describe the degree to which a student exhibits the collection of traits, behaviors and attitudes that facilitate fun, powerful, rewarding learning as how "coachable" they are. [caption width="1000" id="attachment_3046" align="aligncenter"] Make learning more fun by being coachable[/caption]The more coachable a student is, the more they get out of the learning process and the more fun it tends to be. This correlation between fun and learning isn't coincidence: it's a consequence of how our brains and central nervous systems process and store new information and skills. As a confidence coach, I can appreciate that like the students in my music classes, clients who are coachable get the best results. They are the ones who tend to enjoy the process more, make faster progress and get better value for money out of each coaching session. Furthermore, there are a lot of parallels between becoming a confident man in relationships with other people and learning to be an effective musician performing in a band, because they both require a high degree of self-awareness and interpersonal skills. So with my own experience and that of my fellow music students in mind, here's How To Be Coachable: (more…)
You may have already seen the whiny, complaining videos from Elliot Rodger, the gunman in the recent Santa Barbara shootings. While I'm loath to give posthumous fame to someone who takes out his pain and anger in such a destructive manner, the guy does have a lot to teach about how not to approach the topic of being successful with women. Unfortunately Elliot never reached out to me for coaching, so I couldn't help him. There are countless other life, dating and confidence coaches on the internet who could also have made a huge difference. Plenty of YouTube videos from dating coaches would have taught him what he needed, had he bothered to put it into practice. I've read somewhere that he was getting professional help at the time of the shooting, but clearly it didn't give him the skills he needed to change his world view or deal with his pain and anger. (more…)
My punching bag has been getting a good workout lately, getting more of my repressed anger out of my system. One of the recent triggers has been whiny, complaining people.
For example, last week I was in an acting class where everyone seemed to want to complain about something. One woman turned up late and complained that she had trouble parking the car, and seemed to want the teacher to solve the problem for her. I'd managed to get a parking space with no trouble, and there's a train station right across the road so it really didn't seem like a huge deal to me. A bit of forward planning and she'd be able to park the car and get to class on time.
Then another guy turned up late and started protesting when the teacher requested that he turn up on time in future. Thing is, he always turns up late. It's like his thing to be late, and he always makes a big deal of it when he walks into the room. We even used it to mock him in a performance one time; but really he's the only one who finds it funny.… Continue reading…