mother issues

How To Handle A Boyfriend Or Husband With A Controlling Mother: Part 2

The solution to this whole issue is for the man to man up and start stand up to his mother and saying what’s important to him whenever there’s some kind of conflict so that he can learn to side with you in the relationship rather than with his controlling mother.

There’s really nothing that you can do as a partner in terms of what his mother does, and the solution to the problem is not for the mother to change her behavior. You can’t expect other people to change, and we have really no control over other people’s behavior.

 

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

How To Handle A Boyfriend Or Husband With A Controlling Mother: Part 1

Most of my advice is aimed at men, but today I have a video for you ladies out there on the topic of how to deal with a man who has a controlling mother. I’ve written a previous article on how to deal with a controlling mother, and I’m getting an increasing number of comments left by women in response to this article which was originally aimed at men. And the women are talking about their frustrations in having dealt with partners who had controlling mothers.

What I’ll cover here today is what you should if your boyfriend, husband or partner has a controlling mother and this is having some kind of impact – and it’s generally a negative impact – on your relationship with the guy.

(more…)

By Graham Stoney, ago

Do You Have Mother Issues?

A lot of guys I know who struggle with their self-confidence had a controlling or domineering mother. This can be a problem that affects our adult relationships with women even if we only have minimal contact with our mothers now. Your mother’s influence over you as a child can continue well into adulthood and even past her death.

Is your mother still in control of your life?

Is your mother still in control of your life?

If your mother was particularly critical and/or controlling (like mine was), she would have seen your growing independence as a threat to be crushed at all costs. A mother like that is a force to be reckoned with that totally overwhelms a child’s sense of self. The only option we have as a child is to learn to submit to this woman’s power in order to survive.

But giving up your power like that comes at a massive cost later in life unless you claim it back now that you’re a man.

Healthy mothers go through a grieving process when a boy grows into a man and separates from her emotionally and physically. You become released from the emotional ties to her moods, values, beliefs and opinions as you become your own man. This can be painful for her as she loses power over you and is forced to adopt a new relationship style based on adult mutual respect.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to Resolve an Argument with Your Mother

I just got this question about resolving an argument with your mother in response to my article on How to Recover From a Controlling Mother. Steve asks:

I just got off the phone with my mother who was berating me because I had not responded in a timely fashion to an email, which made her ashamed and disappointed. I went to my computer and looked up “how to deal with a controlling mother”. Your article looked interesting so I began to read it, and as I did my eyes opened up as if you were speaking directly to me! I would love to speak with her about these things, and also with my father, but her defense is locked down tight: she is a psychologist of many years, and would just discredit anything I had to say. She also insists that my father would not want to talk to me about anything on an emotional level (he really doesn’t like to be dragged in between us), and therefore I shouldn’t bother. I also run the risk of making her angry, which is VERY easy to do, and then I worry that I’m hurting her. Just writing this really exposes to myself the psychological mire I exist in… Advice?… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago

How to Handle Criticism

I’ve never been a big fan of criticism; even when it’s accurate or well-intended, it’s all too easy to trigger emotional memories of times when painful criticism was leveled at me as a defense by other people who were avoiding dealing with their own issues. I had a critical mother who often used the phrase “If your mother can’t tell you, who can?” to justify perfectionist and often just plain hurtful criticism. My early experiences with her started a pattern of being overly defensive and not taking criticism at all well.

Criticism says more about them than it does about us.

Criticism says more about them than it does about us.

So now rather than reacting emotionally to criticism, I try to respond as constructively to it as I can. For example, there was recently some criticism of The Confident Man Project in a thread on the social anxiety support forums, so I’ll use this to illustrate how to respond to criticism.

Notice Your Emotional Reaction

We’re all emotional creatures deep down. When we get criticised, our first reaction is an emotional one. Acting on this raw emotion may or may not be the most useful thing to do depending on the circumstances. For instance there may be times when unwarranted criticism makes us angry, and our anger motivates us to stand up for ourselves where we otherwise may let someone else’s agenda walk all over us.… Continue reading…

By Graham Stoney, ago