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Tag Archives: inner game
Hey there, it's Graham from The Confident Man Project again and coming at you with another tip for building your confidence, this week by looking at what's going on in the voices inside your head. And what I'd like to suggest this week is that life is hard sometimes. Life has ups and downs. It can be great one day and it can kind of suck the next. And often we're at the mercy of this sort of emotional roller-coaster effect where our moods are just swinging all over the place by what happens to us in life.
So underpinning all this, what I want to suggest is it's a great idea to develop an attitude of gratitude. This is not always an easy thing to do, but the times when it is most difficult tend to be the times when it's most useful.
I've been watching David DeAngelo's Deep Inner Game program with Dr Paul, and it's really brilliant. The program is about developing the mindset that men need to be successful, particularly focused on women, dating and relationships. This mindset is often referred to as our “inner game”, and it really extends to the bigger picture of being confident and successful in life generally.
Here are some of the key things that I've learned:
Many of our problems in relating to other people are caused by having a weak psychological and emotional personal boundary, often viewed as having holes in our boundary.
Saying “No” is how we patch holes in our boundary.
Expressing preferences also helps build our boundary, and demonstrates it to other people. Women find this very attractive, even if their preferences differ from ours. If you're very bad at expressing preferences, you may feel like you don't have any; in which case you may need to start with arbitrary preferences. e.g. I love dogs, I hate cats.
Immature boundaries either have holes, or are thick and impermeable. Mature boundaries have doors that allow us to control what gets in and what does not.
Perfectionism is caused by a hole in our boundary, projecting our own faults and internal ideals out onto other people.… Continue reading…