Tag Archives: flirting

Learn To Recognize Women's Tests

Hey there, it’s Graham from The Confident Man Project with another confidence building idea for you this week, and today I’m going to talk to you about learning to recognize tests that women throw at us guys. To get a perspective on this, you need to understand that women, particularly attractive women, are besieged by attention from guys all the time and they need to have some little way of working out which guys they want to be hanging around with. So they can’t help but start throwing out little tests to guys to find out what it is that we’re made of.

Women aren’t always conscious that they’re doing this. It just becomes a habitual part of their pattern of relating to people who come up and approache them, and a lot of guys find this extremely disarming and that’s kind of the point of why women sometimes do this.

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Why “Being Yourself” Doesn't Work When Meeting Women

I often hear women giving guys who struggle when it comes to meeting women the well-intentioned but deadly advice:

Just be yourself.

Any guy seeking advice on meeting women knows that this just doesn't work. After all, you've been “being yourself” your whole life, and look where it's got you so far. Given that so many women offer this nugget of advice so frequently, it's worth looking at why it fails in practice:

Who Are You Really Anyway?

Who you are is a combination of your core self, and all the learned behaviours that you've acquired since you were conceived. Together, these make up your personality. Of all the animals on the planet, humans have the largest capacity for learning, and hence the highest proportion of learned behaviour in our personalities. Your personality is what other people experience when they meet you, but it's not really who you are at your core.

Given that most of your personality is learned behaviour, if you are sufficiently motivated and persistent you can learn new behaviours which get you better results; especially in your interactions with other people. If you feel like a failure when it comes to women, you need to realise that they problem isn't you; the problem is the way you have learned to behave and communicate.… Continue reading…

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How to Flirt with a Norwegian Porn Star

Sometimes, you just get lucky. On Tuesday evening I was sitting by myself eating a kebab on a park bench overlooking the beach at Byron Bay, a popular hippie/surfing/tourist mecca on the Australian east coast. I was having a lousy day lamenting the fact that if you're travelling by yourself it's easy to get lonely and that the onus is on us to approach other people if we want to have the benefits of any social interaction. Particularly if we want the potential rewards of female company, us guys are the ones who have to put ourselves out there and risk rejection because women never approach us. Especially not beautiful ones with sparkly personalities.

Right in the middle of this self-defeating thought pattern, a pair of drop-dead gorgeous blonde girls with nordic looks grab my attention with a friendly “Hi!” and walk over to sit down asking “Are these seats taken? Can we join you?”

“Hi!. Sure, you're welcome to join me”, I replied taken completely by surprise. So much for my negative thinking.

“What are you doing?” asked the prettier of the two.

“Eating a kebab.”

“Oh cool.”

“What about you?”

“We're from Norway and I'm really sad because I've been here three weeks visiting my friend”, the prettier girl said referring to the other, “...… Continue reading…

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Teasing the Girl at the Humorous Speaking Workshop

I've been at a humorous speaking workshop today, learning what I need to know to get into the comedy/speaking/seminar game. At one point I wandered up to the two cutest girls in the room to say hello. It's a very friendly environment because almost everyone there was from Toastmasters, an organisation that people join to develop their social skills and self-confidence.

So I wander up to say "hello", and one of the girls in the pair says: "So, you're the guy that's robotic, yeah?". It was a reference to a question I asked earlier in the workshop about how to be authentic expressing emotion when you're not a naturally emotionally expressive person. I explained to the girls that I'd had some feedback about this from my acting class, and that other people had compared me to Elliot Goblet, an Aussie comic with a very deadpan delivery. Something I didn't consider a compliment at the time!

Then during our chat she had another go at me! Right... game on! I started teasing her mercilessly: "Just because you get to district level in the International Speech contest is no excuse to treat your fellow Toastmasters like dirt, you know!… Continue reading…

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Chatting Up A Hot German Girl At The Train Station

I can still remember the day a really pretty girl from my Venturer group stopped to talk to me at the bus stop on the way home from high school. One of the kids at school the next day asked me "Who was that girl you were chatting up?", and when I answered "That was Kate, from Venturers", his mate remarked "Actually, it looked more like she was chatting you up!". Well yes... Kate had a boyfriend at the time, and I was rather inept when it came to talking to women.

Not any more though! Today I headed out to catch up over lunch with Janice, a gorgeous intuitive girl from my acting class. While waiting for Janice, I found myself casually gazing down the street, straight past a very pretty blonde girl. She thought I was making eye contact with her, and wandered over to talk to me! I think the fact that I wasn't actually trying to make eye contact with her, combined with the fact that I was waiting for another woman, made me particularly relaxed and approachable.

Her name turned out to be Gloria. "As in Gloria Jean's", she said.

"Well that's amazing Gloria, because we're both wearing jeans.… Continue reading…

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Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

I was watching David DeAngelo's Advanced Dating Skills program the other day, and the topic of limiting beliefs was huge. A limiting belief is any belief that inhibits us from having what we want.

The reason that we don't have the success we would like all comes down to the way we behave, and this behavior is ultimately driven by our conscious and unconscious beliefs. Emotions play a big role too, and these are linked to our unconscious beliefs.

Limiting beliefs get learned through our experiences of life, and become built deep into our subconscious. They shape our default response to the world. Once any belief is acquired, our subconscious makes an automatic connection between what we observe in the world and the beliefs that we have, which makes these beliefs self-reinforcing.

We selectively gather evidence that supports our existing beliefs, strengthening them in the process; even if they aren't in our best interests. In some cases a limiting belief was in our best interests in the past, but is no longer working for us; in others, someone else has taught us a limiting belief in the past because it suited their agenda, and we took it on because we didn't know any better.… Continue reading…

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Successful Speed Dating

Happy Couple Speed DatingI recently decided to get more pro-active about getting out there and meeting women, so I thought I'd give Speed Dating a try. This is where you front up to an organized gathering of other singles, and have a few minutes with each woman to assess whether you'd like to get to know them better. At the end of the evening, you fill in a card saying whether you'd like to exchange contact details with each person you've spoken to. If both of you tick the “yes” box to each other, the host sends you each others contact details. Speed Dating turns out to be really fun! There were some really great people at the event I went to, and I spent the evening joking around, chatting away, and having a great time.

I'm haven't always been the world's most out-going guy, so I was wondering whether I'd enjoy it or not. But it turned out to be was way more fun and less stressful than I expected. I'd really recommend Speed Dating to anyone interested in meeting some new people in a relaxed, casual atmosphere. So here are my tips when it comes to being successful at speed dating:

  • Don't take it too seriously!
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Give Yourself Credit

I just got back from a totally fascinating conversation over lunch with my friend Jenny, and her brother Derrick. Jenny lined it up because her brother used to suffer from Chronic Fatigue, something that I've been experiencing for the last 18 months. We talked for quite a while about what causes this most frustrating of mystery illnesses, and whether it could have an emotional basis in some of the unresolved family background and upbringing stuff that I've been working through over the last few years. Jenny had to leave early to get back to work, but Derrick and I continued on as the topic of the conversation turned increasingly towards every man's favorite subject: women.

It turned out that Derrick and I had even more in common than just the family background of dominant mother and ineffective father: a lethal combination when it comes to setting a man up for future interactions with women. We talked about what makes a man attractive to a woman; and what repels them. We talked about the importance of being authentic, and how us sensitive guys often learn implicitly to be insincerely inoffensive nice guys in our interactions with women; and then wonder why we seem to end up powerless- like our fathers were.… Continue reading…

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How to Flirt with a Woman

If you're like me, you weren't born a "natural" when it comes to flirting with women, and it's a skill you need to develop. For the longest time, my aim in conversations was to try and get women to like me. And guess what? It doesn't work. The more we try to get people to like us, the less likely they are to end up doing so. Especially when we're relating to women. Somehow no matter how much I tried, I was always a hopeless flirt, and could never seem to get the women I was interested in, interested in me.

And then I discovered the secret to flirting. I can't believe I didn't notice it before. Once I realised what it was, I noticed that all the "naturals" I knew who got on so well with the women I was interested in were doing it with these women; I just hadn't realised. It's so simple, I can sum it up in one word: teasing.

This revelation was like an epiphany for me when it came to relating to women.

If you want to learn to flirt, you need to learn to tease. The more attractive the woman, the more likely you are to need to tease her.… Continue reading…

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