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Tag Archives: approval seeking
A lot of guys who are confident and capable in most areas of life still struggle when it comes to meeting and relating to women confidently. Just because you're good at your job, successful in business, sport or hobbies doesn't necessarily mean you'll be confident with women.
On the other hand, confidence with women does tend to flow over into every other area of your life. It's just one of those fundamental things that effects your whole life when you master it. So here's how to relate to women confidently:
Ask Yourself What You Really Want From Women
What is it you're really looking for from women anyway? Is it love, intimacy, sex or a relationship? Or are you really seeking validation and approval from them, trying to compensate for a lack of true self-esteem? Most guys who struggle to feel confident with women are still trying to make up for childhood love we didn't get from our mothers or stability we didn't get from our fathers. If you had an emotionally disconnected mother, or a passive or emotionally unstable father, this can undermine your self-esteem and show up as nervousness around women.
The most striking thing I notice that guys who lack confidence and struggle to attract the women they want in their lives have in common is Nice Guy Syndrome. This affliction is characterised by the constant seeking of approval from other people (especially women), an intense fear of rejection, and a misguided belief that we can get our needs met by always being unfailingly “nice” and inoffensive to other people.
Dr. Robert A. Glover is a therapist who works primarily with men who are suffering from Nice Guy Syndrome. As a recovering Nice Guy himself, he has a special insight into Nice Guy Syndrome, and why it is such an ineffective way of getting our needs met as a man. I first heard about his book No More Mr. Nice Guy on one of David DeAngelo's Interviews With Dating Gurus series, and immediately recognised the Nice Guy traits Dr. Glover described, in myself. One of the most telling things was actually a quote from his ex-wife, who told him: “How do I know that you will stand up for me, if you can't even stand up to me?”
The basic working paradigm of the typical Nice Guy that Dr.… Continue reading…