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Tag Archives: approaching women
Do you ever wish that meeting beautiful women was as simple as walking up to them and saying: “Hi, what's your name?” Well according to dating coach Jack D. Serrano, it is.
In the interview below you'll learn that the key to meeting women is to take action and approach them. Stop trying to persuade women to like you and simply start looking for the women who already like you and have a natural chemistry with you. Most men fall into the trap of trying to persuade women to like them, and a lot of dating advice is based around this concept that leads to fear, frustration and a lack of confidence.
The antidote to approach anxiety is to simply ask yourself the question “Does she like me or not?” rather than trying to persuade her to like you. Forget about trying to “build attraction”, showing value or trying to make women like you. There are a lot of girls out there who will already like you; all you have to do is go out and find them. Conventional pick-up advice turns you into a persuader who messes up the natural chemistry that is already there between you and the women who like you for who you are.… Continue reading…
A lot of guys who are confident and capable in most areas of life still struggle when it comes to meeting and relating to women confidently. Just because you're good at your job, successful in business, sport or hobbies doesn't necessarily mean you'll be confident with women.
On the other hand, confidence with women does tend to flow over into every other area of your life. It's just one of those fundamental things that effects your whole life when you master it. So here's how to relate to women confidently:
Ask Yourself What You Really Want From Women
What is it you're really looking for from women anyway? Is it love, intimacy, sex or a relationship? Or are you really seeking validation and approval from them, trying to compensate for a lack of true self-esteem? Most guys who struggle to feel confident with women are still trying to make up for childhood love we didn't get from our mothers or stability we didn't get from our fathers. If you had an emotionally disconnected mother, or a passive or emotionally unstable father, this can undermine your self-esteem and show up as nervousness around women.
As guys, we can be our own worst enemy sometimes. I just had this question from a reader:
I have finally come to the realisation that I know enough of this stuff. What I haven’t mastered is the action step. And I don’t know why. Whenever I see an attractive woman, I know I have a lot to offer, but regardless of what I think, I still don’t actually do anything. It drives me spare to be honest. How do you connect learning and doing?
I fall into this trap too sometimes; I see an attractive woman, yet I don't approach her. Call it approach anxiety, fear of the unknown, not knowing what to say, limiting beliefs, lack of confidence... It doesn't matter what you call it, the question is: what to do about it.
So here are a bunch of ideas that work for me at overcoming or avoiding approach anxiety/reluctance:
Start Wherever You're At
Don't beat yourself up just because you don't approach every woman you find attractive. I don't either, but I am committed to personal growth and to improving my social and communication skills on a consistent basis, and that's what gets me results.… Continue reading…
Ever wondered what it's really like to do one of those dating workshop bootcamps where a pick-up artist takes you into nightclubs and teaches you how to approach women? One of my new year's resolutions for 2010 was to finally overcome my fear of approaching and interacting with attractive women. I already had an interesting life, but how are women supposed to get to know me if I'm too afraid to approach them because I've never learned how to do it?
So I went along to a seminar run by street pick-up expert Alex Coulson, and decided it was time to get serious by signing up to one of Alex and Moxie's dating workshop bootcamps. I already knew Alex as I had interviewed him on one of the Confident Man bonus products, and Moxie was an ex-Love Systems instructor so I figured these guys were the real deal.
On a weekend 2 months later, they would take a small group of guys out into nightclubs on Friday and Saturday night and teach us how to approach and interact with women. In the weeks leading up to the bootcamp, Moxie would give us coaching over the phone to prepare us for the big weekend.… Continue reading…
I was watching David DeAngelo's Advanced Dating Skills program the other day, and the topic of limiting beliefs was huge. A limiting belief is any belief that inhibits us from having what we want.
The reason that we don't have the success we would like all comes down to the way we behave, and this behavior is ultimately driven by our conscious and unconscious beliefs. Emotions play a big role too, and these are linked to our unconscious beliefs.
Limiting beliefs get learned through our experiences of life, and become built deep into our subconscious. They shape our default response to the world. Once any belief is acquired, our subconscious makes an automatic connection between what we observe in the world and the beliefs that we have, which makes these beliefs self-reinforcing.
We selectively gather evidence that supports our existing beliefs, strengthening them in the process; even if they aren't in our best interests. In some cases a limiting belief was in our best interests in the past, but is no longer working for us; in others, someone else has taught us a limiting belief in the past because it suited their agenda, and we took it on because we didn't know any better.… Continue reading…
Got this question in the email today:
I am 54 years old and have always had a hard time approaching women. I am divorced and wasn't popular in my town because I was a poor athlete and this has always haunted me. Can you give me some advice? I will be going to Cancun, Mexico this summer and want to be attracting women while on vacation.
Here's my reply:
Thanks for your question. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. Sounds like you're hanging onto some emotional baggage from your home town, which is probably compounded by your divorce. So I'd start by looking at the ways in which your existing mindset could be contributing to the problem. Start dealing with your emotional baggage. Consider some therapy. Go into emotional areas you've been afraid of.
At the same time, start developing some of the skills women find attractive. Can you dance? Or play music? Dancing will help you enormously to build self-confidence, and will be really handy down in Cancun. Also learn some new social skills, like how to flirt and how to approach women.
I'm house-sitting for my sister down in Canberra, Australia's capital city. The only friends I know who live here are either away on holidays or out of contact. I wouldn't mind meeting some new people to hang out with while I'm in town, and I've been inspired by Joseph Matthew's book The Art Of Approaching to have a go at approaching women and starting conversations. I was talking to my friend Ruth about this back in Sydney a few weeks ago, and her advice was this:
“Look Graham, people go out to clubs to meet other people. All you've got to do is to walk up and say 'Hi, I'm Graham'” [puts her hand out to initiate a handshake].
Interesting. I still had a hunch that the wisdom in Joseph's book would help me, but maybe I was over-complicating things a bit. Us analytical guys tend to do that sometimes. So last Friday night I hit the town, to see if I could meet some people in a pub or club. If you're used to doing this, it might seem like a no-brainer; but not to me. I'm the guy who used to have a full-blown panic attack just walking into a nightclub, and the thought of approaching anyone at all, let alone an attractive woman, just freaked me out.… Continue reading…
I got this email from my friend Bradley yesterday, and was so blown away that I just had to share it with you. I do so with his permission, and with only minor edits to maintain our privacy. I have had such a positive impact on him, he's told me he'd do just about anything for me:
It is absolutely wonderful to hear from you Graham. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you but the last few weeks have been hectic to say the least. I have been busy but not quite as busy as you by the sounds of things. Great to hear that the book is still selling. I have some news for you too. I took your example and I invested in some cd's from David DeAngelo. My personal favourite is Cocky Comedy. I think that is what it is called. Anyway no sooner had I started to use his techniques before I hooked an absolute beauty. I am blown away by how well the system works. Anyway this one is a keeper.
Her name is Natasha, she is 24, brown eyes and jet black hair. She is absolutely drop dead gorgeous.… Continue reading…
Rejection is generally the number one fear most guys have when it comes to women. For many years, I was too terrified of rejection to approach the women I was attracted to, which is why I decided I needed to get them to approach me instead. It's normal to fear rejection; it's an instinctual response going back to the days when rejection from the tribe meant certain death. But that's not the end of the story; rejection is no longer terminal and this fear can be overcome. I'm still working on overcoming my fear of rejection, and here are some simple strategies that I find helpful for handling it:
Remember It's About Them, Not About You
Rejection stings because we turn it into a story about us: We get rejected and conclude that we're not good enough, not worthy enough, not deserving enough, not interesting enough, not attractive enough. Any insecurity about ourselves is immediately linked to the women who we think has rejected us. Then we generalize and assume that if one woman rejects us, every woman will reject us because there is something wrong with us. It's all about us.
The antidote to this is to remind us that rejection says more about them than it does about us.… Continue reading…