Tag Archives: anger

The Day I Finally Stood Up To My Critical Mother

My mother and father are still together after 50 years of marriage. They are good, church going people who are very community minded. They show love by acts of service and are often kind and generous to other people. But the way my critical mother treats my largely passive father is toxic, and I recently took the opportunity to stand up to their behaviour in order to reverse the negative effects it has had on my own life. Here's how it panned out:

Standing Up To A Critical Mother

Standing Up To A Critical Mother

Recently my parents and I all attended my maternal aunt's 90th birthday party, along with my maternal cousins, my two older sisters, and all their husbands/wives and families. We spent the weekend in a lovely guest house in the country and since it was a long drive for my aging parents, they asked me to give them a lift there and back. I am a little apprehensive because I know the way my parent's behaviour often triggers me, but I see it as an opportunity to connect with them and spend some additional quality time together.

The two-hour drive to the guest house is relatively uneventful, with occasional friendly chatter and lunch at my parents' favourite cafè on-route.… Continue reading…

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments

How To Deal With People Who Offend You

I've woken up this morning, and the world's gone crazy again. Men with guns have killed people who offended them, plus a few other random people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Last month it was my own hometown of Sydney, this month it's another city I love, Paris.

I am Charlie. So are you.

I am Charlie. So are you.

Social media and the newspapers are abuzz with political leaders and lay people saying they won't cave in to “terrorists” by giving in to fear. Police and military forces have responded, and most of the gunmen and their accomplices are now dead. So are some of the hostages.

I feel deeply saddened for the people who have lost their lives, and the families they leave behind. Yet I don't buy the rhetoric that says we won't feel fear because that would just be giving the “terrorists” what they want. To be honest, I feel frightened and powerless when I see people much like myself caught up in hostage dramas and ending up dying at the hands of men with guns who believe their martyrdom will earn them rewards in an afterlife I don't even believe exists.

How can I possibly hope to influence the behaviour of people who subscribe to an ideology I don't agree with, following a religion I don't know much about, with a spiritual leader who appears above criticism in their minds?… Continue reading…

Posted in Spirituality | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

How To Express Anger Constructively

Hey, it’s Graham here, and today you’re going to learn about how to express anger constructively. So anger is an emotion that’s perfectly normal and natural thing for a human being to have, and like any emotion it can be expressed in a way that’s constructive for you and the people around you and it can also be expressed in a way that is destructive for you and the people around you, or it can be suppressed which is another destructive way of handling anger.

So let’s have a talk about how to express anger constructively. And the first obvious way to do this is verbally, to actually say that you’re angry. Now, if you don’t do this, you can end up repressing your anger and that can lead to a whole heap of problems in your life, in your relationships, your health can suffer. It’s just bad shit to start repressing your anger.

Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on How To Express Anger Constructively

Unlocking Repressed Anger: What To Do If You "Never Get Angry"

Hey, it’s Graham here, and I’m feeling cranky today so let’s talk about anger. Now, there are two mistakes you can make with anger. The first one is to suppress it, pretending you don’t feel angry and just push that emotion down. And the second one is to just spew your anger out so that you express it destructively. Now, today I want to talk about the first one of those, which is suppressing your anger, and why we do that and why it’s not a good idea and what you can do about it.

Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Unlocking Repressed Anger: What To Do If You "Never Get Angry"

Angry Men, Passive Men by Marvin Allen

Hey guys, I read a lot of books on personal development and as a result of that it’s pretty rare nowadays that I come across a book that contains brand new concepts or ideas that I’ve never heard of before. So what I’m looking for in the books that I read now is more a matter of how they affect me, like how they make me feel.

Because I really believe that if you want to make a lasting change in your life, then you need to deal with emotions and particularly the emotions that we have been avoiding feeling in the past and all that business that’s repressed in our subconscious.

Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Basic Emotions

HappinessMany of us guys lack a basic emotional literacy; we have physical sensations when we're feeling something, but we often don't know how to identify what we're feeling, nor are we able to recognise emotions in other people. Being able to identify emotions is the basis of empathy, which is a core communication skill.

In short, most of us don't understand how our emotions work. Simply learning to identify and express the following basic emotions will improve your relationships dramatically:… Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Basic Emotions

How Elliot Rodger Got It All Wrong About Girls

You may have already seen the whiny, complaining videos from Elliot Rodger, the gunman in the recent Santa Barbara shootings. While I'm loath to give posthumous fame to someone who takes out his pain and anger in such a destructive manner, the guy does have a lot to teach about how not to approach the topic of being successful with women.

Unfortunately Elliot never reached out to me for coaching, so I couldn't help him. There are countless other life, dating and confidence coaches on the internet who could also have made a huge difference. Plenty of YouTube videos from dating coaches would have taught him what he needed, had he bothered to put it into practice. I've read somewhere that he was getting professional help at the time of the shooting, but clearly it didn't give him the skills he needed to change his world view or deal with his pain and anger.… Continue reading…

Posted in Women | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on How Elliot Rodger Got It All Wrong About Girls

How To Be Present

Spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle often talk about presence as the key to accessing a relaxed state of true inner confidence in all situations. Well that's great in theory, but how do you do it in practice?

Moose MillerIn this insightful interview with Transformation Coach Moose Miller from MeetEveryMoment.com, you'll learn the key techniques for dealing with difficult emotions and thought patterns that stop us from being confidently present in our interactions with other people.

Practicing these techniques consistently over time leads to a sense of relaxed confidence that men and women alike find tremendously appealing.

Here's what you'll learn:… Continue reading…

Posted in Communication | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on How To Be Present

Whiny, Complaining People Really Make Me Angry

My punching bag has been getting a good workout lately, getting more of my repressed anger out of my system. One of the recent triggers has been whiny, complaining people.

Put Up or Shut Up

Put Up or Shut Up

For example, last week I was in an acting class where everyone seemed to want to complain about something. One woman turned up late and complained that she had trouble parking the car, and seemed to want the teacher to solve the problem for her. I'd managed to get a parking space with no trouble, and there's a train station right across the road so it really didn't seem like a huge deal to me. A bit of forward planning and she'd be able to park the car and get to class on time.

Then another guy turned up late and started protesting when the teacher requested that he turn up on time in future. Thing is, he always turns up late. It's like his thing to be late, and he always makes a big deal of it when he walks into the room. We even used it to mock him in a performance one time; but really he's the only one who finds it funny.… Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Whiny, Complaining People Really Make Me Angry

Getting Angry With My Father

I've spent the last few years working hard on connecting more deeply with my father, motivated by a few reasons: For one, I felt I was missing something in my own sense of self; a connection to my own masculinity that would normally comes from a boy's father. I also found myself feeling a profound sense of grief and loss towards my father, which seemed particularly odd given that he's still very much alive and kicking. And then other men I've talked to whose father's had died have often told me how much they regret not connecting on a deeper level and getting the chance to ask questions they'd long for an answer to, while he was still alive.

Angry Man Arguing. Image Courtesy Flickr o5com

Frankly, it hasn't been an easy process. My experience of my father is that he talks about his experiences in excruciating detail that is totally devoid of emotional content. This often leaves me switching off and ending up feeling isolated, lonely and depressed in his presence. He says things that just aren't very interesting and appears to show no regard for whether his listener finds the conversation engaging or not. When he tells me about visiting a relative or going to a concert, I'm likely to hear more about the parking and travel arrangements than whether he enjoyed the actual event itself.… Continue reading…

Posted in Emotions | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Getting Angry With My Father