I've been interested lately in how Tantra can help me take my own confidence to new levels, and recently interviewed Tantric Practitioner David Anderson from TantricBlossoming.com to discuss how you can use Tantric techniques to boost your sexual confidence and become more confident in relationships with women generally.
Many men are afraid of women and don't show up as a masculine man around women. We're often particularly afraid of women's emotions, and this all stems from being stuck emotionally back with mum. When we were a boy we sought love from our mother, and the fear was that if mum didn't love us we'd be alone and we'd die, so we did anything we could to get love and attention from her.
We run stories about our mother in our heads that keep us stuck in this pattern which we project onto all the other women in our life. The most powerful way to break out of these stories is to be honest with ourselves and our mothers about how we felt towards her growing up. When we start taking responsibility for our mother issues we start attracting different women into our life.
Women often put men to the test to see what we're made of and whether they can trust us. This is part of the way a woman sorts her own baggage from her father out in her relationships with men. A woman wants you to remain strong and available in the face of her emotional tests, rather than to retreat energetically. Having women in your life who can call you on times when you retreat can help you learn to remain present with them.
Each of us have masculine and feminine traits which can be healthy or unhealthy. An unhealthy masculine man is dominant and aggressive. Healthy masculine is dynamic, assertive, single-focused and structured. Unhealthy feminine is needy, constantly seeking approval, and lacks creativity. Healthy feminine is creative, nurturing, and connects with everything and everybody. Unhealthy feminine traits in a man are a sign that he hasn't really grown up and is still seeking approval from his mother.
Healthy masculine traits show up energetically as confidence, courage, saying what you want, and being sexual without being sleazy. Many men project unhealthy sexual energy towards women, then look away out of fear when the woman makes eye contact with us. Women want men to be up-front and show courage when we meet them. We've been taught by society that it's not OK to lust after women so we try to repress our sexual energy and it leaks out as creepiness.
Women project their unresolved father issues onto us in the same way we project our mother issues onto them. Your job as a man is to stand strong and listen to what she has to say without taking it on and without trying to fix her or solve her problems for her. Again it comes back to releasing your attachment to your mother so you can show up as a man energetically in your relationships with women.
The sexiest thing a man can be is dynamic and assertive with women. Don't be a bully and don't be wishy-washy either.
Tantra teaches that all of us have a mix of masculine and feminine energy. Men naturally tend to have more masculine energy, and women tend to have more feminine energy. A lot of men who lack confidence are out of touch with their masculine energy.
When a man and woman get together, there should be 50% masculine and 50% feminine energy. When a man isn't in his masculine energy, the woman has to become masculine to compensate; this is tiring for a woman to maintain and causes her to lose interest in and attraction to the man.
That's just the tip of the iceberg; there's a lot more about how to break your attachment with your mother and develop healthy masculine energy in this fascinating interview which you can play here:
The full interview is included in The Confident Man Program.
Here are links to resources mentioned in this interview:
- Contact David at TantricBlossoming.com about Skype sessions and Men's Retreats
- The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida
- Sacred Sexuality by Michael Mirdad
- The Mankind Project New Warrior Training
If you have a question for David, please leave a comment and I'll run them by him.