Hey there, it’s Graham from The Confident Man Project again, and today I want to give you my number 1 tip for building your confidence with women, for getting exercise, for just having a lot of fun. This is an absolute showstopper. You’ve got to go do this if you haven’t already done it. So what am I talking about? Well, I’m talking about learning to dance.
Now, for me, I want to all boys’ high school where playing rugby and getting your head kicked in was kind of the way to be the macho man and be a bit of a hero, and the whole idea of dancing sounding a bit kind of gay to me, to be honest. I didn’t think I would be doing that.
How wrong I was because women absolutely love men that dance. There are genetic biological reasons for that. In the animal kingdom, a lot of animals use dance as a way of attracting their mate, and a lot of that same programming is built into the brains of human beings as well.
So when you’re out on the dance floor busting funky moves and a woman is seeing you strut your stuff, then they can’t help but be activated by that, and it’s great thing. There’s no losers here. Dancing is good for exercise, it’ll keep you fit and in shape, you meet a whole bunch of fun and interesting people, you get out of your comfort zone, you get to lose your inhibitions because there’s music playing which does stuff to your brain which is really positive, it puts you in a good mental state. There’s no downside to this, guys.
Every guy that I’ve recommended this to who has gone and actually taken my advice has come back and said, “I’m so glad that you told me to do that.” And I just find it absolutely fantastic when I go out dancing. It’s a whole lot of fun.
So if you’re a guy that used to be pretty inhibited physically like me, it’s particularly good. I’ve probably raved on about it long enough now, so let’s look at some styles that you can learn.
There are a whole bunch of solo dance styles like hip-hop, jazz, funk, JFH, popping, locking, rap. They’re all a lot of fun and great for building your body muscle tone and developing coordination. But because they’re solo styles, you’re not going to meet a whole heap of women doing it.
What you want to get into is some of the partner dance styles where you’ve immediately got a woman in your arms who is expecting you to lead and you can start to learn the whole “I’m a leader, I’m the man” dynamic in an environment where that’s still considered socially acceptable because dancing is one of the few avenues where women are really still free to totally abandon themselves to the male lead without being knocked for doing that.
So I recommend salsa if you like Latin music. The great thing about salsa is that it’s pretty much universal now. You can find salsa clubs in pretty much any city in the world that’s got a population in it, and there are a lot of different styles but they all share a fairly common beat structure, the 1-2-3 5-6-7, and once you learn one style it’s relatively easy to just adapt to another style of salsa.
Even if you mess it up, that’s okay. You know, it’s all meant to be good fun. So if you love Latin music, that’s the way to go. I’m not really that into Latin music myself. I do salsa and it is fun, but the music doesn’t really grab me.
What I prefer is a style called ceroc or modern jive, which is like a cross between rock and roll, salsa and jive, and the thing I really like about ceroc is that it’s done to music that’s at a similar kind of beat to just modern pop music. So it’s very easy to dance ceroc at any dance party that you go to. Where people are dancing individually, you can usually just get into the ceroc foot step which is extremely simple; it’s just forward, back, forward, back – it couldn’t be much more easy than that – and you can just grab a girl and start dancing.
So modern jive or ceroc is a lot of fun. It’s most popular in countries like England and Australia. It’s starting to take off a little in America but not as huge over there. Mind you, the fact that you can do it and nobody else can is going to make you look pretty special. And like I say, it’s extremely simple so it’s actually easy to teach a girl to do it on the dance floor. If she’s done any dancing before, it’s pretty easy for a girl to pick up the basic following step for modern jive.
There are more complicated styles, such as West Coast Swing, which require a bit more practice but are also a lot of fun and can also be done to some pretty modern kind of music.
So the important thing is not necessarily the style you learn but to find a style that matches the music that you love since you’re going to be listening to that music quite a lot while you’re dancing and to get out there and do it.
Try a few styles. I tried basically everything and I’ve had a bit of a go. There’s also your classic ballroom styles like waltzing and tango, cha cha, which are also a whole lot of fun. Different styles will attract a different crowd of people, but whatever you do you’re bound to meet people who are out to have fun because that’s what dancing is all about.
And this is dead set the easiest way to meet women that’s ever been invented on the planet. So I’ve raved on long enough. If you want to do this, just go do it. I highly recommend it. If you can’t dance and you’re sitting there thinking “Oh, dancing is not for me”, then do it because it’s really great.