Hey there, it’s Graham here from The Confident Man Project, and today you are going to learn all about the importance of expressing how you feel. Now, as guys, often we don’t get taught how to do this, we don’t learn how to do this, we don’t practice how to do this; we just tend to keep our feelings to ourselves a lot of the time and this is a massive problem because when we bottle up our emotions inside, we are prone to all sorts of horrible things like illness and depression and just unhappiness and frustration and it makes it hard to connect with other people, particularly with women who just love having an emotional connection with you.
And so I want to really advocate for the idea of you expressing how you feel in any moment. Like, right now I’m feeling a whole mixture of things. I’m feeling happy and I’m feeling frustrated and I’m feeling a bit pissed off and irritated and, you know, all this stuff is going on inside me all at once and it’s very unhealthy to just keep all that stuff bottled down inside.
So it’s very important to be able to express how you feel, and there are a few basic emotions like anger, sadness, happiness, joy, love, peace, frustration, fear, anxiety. These are the main ones; there’s not all that many when you actually count them, and that’s just completely off the top of my head.
So fear, sadness and anger are three of the most prevalent unpleasant emotions that we often keep bottled up inside, and what I want to recommend is that you stop bottling it up and start actually expressing it.
And it’s fairly easy to do; all you’ve got to do is say, you know, “Right now I’m feeling sad,” or, “When you said that, I felt angry.” If a girl says to you, “You’re an idiot,” then you just say, you know, “When you call me an idiot, I feel really angry with you.” And it’s not rocket science; it’s pretty simple really, and yet a lot of us guys we keep these feelings inside.
Another one that we tend to bottle up is our feeling of attraction or lust for another woman that we meet, and women actually like it when we tell them that we find them attractive. It’s a little bit confronting for them sometimes because a lot of guys are not upfront about that and they’re not very direct, so a lot of women are not used to having a guy actually say directly, you know, “I find you really attractive. I want to get to know you better.”
And yet women love hearing that. They want to know that you find them attractive and they want to know that you want to know them on a deeper level. So expressing how you feel about this is all part of being able to connect with other people.
Let go of the tension and stress that we create inside ourselves when we don’t express how we feel and be able to have these deeper connections because deeper connections with other people are all based on emotion. Emotion is wired deeply into the primitive part of our brain and it’s what is necessary for us to connect on a deeper level with other people.
A lot of guys we just don’t know this because we haven’t experienced it very much before because we keep all our emotions bottled up inside, and from my female friends I’m hearing more and more these days how it just frustrates the crap out of them when they can’t connect emotionally with a man because he’s completely out of touch with his feelings because he’s been suppressing them for so long.
So your challenge is to start actually expressing how you feel in every situation. Obviously it’s going to feel a bit uncomfortable at first. One of the first feelings that’s going to come up to you is shame, and shame is a nasty little thing that gets in the way of us really expressing how we feel by making us feel as though there’s something wrong with us somehow.
Well, there isn’t anything wrong with you; it’s just that you’ve been bottling some stuff up for a while and it’s going to take a little time to learn how to release that. So this is the challenge, to start expressing how you feel, and let me know how this goes for you.