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Category Archives: Communication
Hey there, it’s Graham with another confidence building activity for you this week. And this activity is all about making eye contact with strangers. As you’re going about your daily routine, as you’re walking particularly through crowds of people and you see other strangers, the basic thing that you need to do here is to simply make eye contact with them and hold that eye contact for as long as possible.
Now, there’s an interesting little social phenomena here when two people make eye contact, particularly two strangers. One of them will always avert their gaze first. And what happens is that the person with the highest level of social status and self-confidence, which tend to go together, is the person that maintains the gaze the longest. This is very interesting and you’ll start to notice this. Whenever you make eye contact with someone, the person that averts their gaze first is the one with the lower level of self-confidence.
Hey, it’s Graham here from The Confident Man Project with yet another confidence building tip for you. And today I want to talk about the way that we speak. The way that we speak says a whole lot about our level of general self-confidence and how nervous we are in any particular situation.
So what you want to do is to practice speaking more slowly and more deeply, particularly if you’ve got a bit of a high-pitched voice or if you find yourself always speaking very quickly; you’re always in a rush to get things out and you’ve got to say what you’ve got to say.
Hey, it’s Graham here again and if you were to ask me the question, “What’s one book that you could read that would help you to improve your communication skills, get on better with women and men, help you deal with conflict better, make you a better person, just make your life flow more easily and generally improve the quality of life here on the planet?”, one book every human should read is this one.
It’s called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Let me try to hold it straight. And I highly, highly, highly recommend this book. In fact, I would say if you are only able to read one book on personal development or self-help or whatever, how to live a better life, anything, how to self-actualize, this would be the book to read.
If you have someone in your life who treat you in ways that leave you feeling unsafe, propose introducing these Ground Rules For Emotionally Safe Communication in that relationship.
Agreeing to these ground rules in all our communication helps us both to feel safe and have our feelings respected. They are particularly important during challenging conversations when we are triggered with anger, sadness, fear, guilt and/or shame. We commit to applying them even when we are most upset.… Continue reading…
Spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle often talk about presence as the key to accessing a relaxed state of true inner confidence in all situations. Well that's great in theory, but how do you do it in practice?
In this insightful interview with Transformation Coach Moose Miller from MeetEveryMoment.com, you'll learn the key techniques for dealing with difficult emotions and thought patterns that stop us from being confidently present in our interactions with other people.
Practicing these techniques consistently over time leads to a sense of relaxed confidence that men and women alike find tremendously appealing.
Here's what you'll learn:… Continue reading…
I was recently coaching a friend of mine who is highly successful in business, but really struggles when it comes to connecting with women. What I noticed most strongly in our conversation was that my friend talked mostly about what he thought, and very little about how he felt. This was a strategy that served him well in the business world, but didn't work so well when it came to establishing connections with women.
If you want to connect more deeply with women, emotions are the key. Most of us guys have received a great deal of education on how to think, but very little on how to handle feelings. We rarely disclose how we feel to other people, and we aren't good at acknowledging other people's emotions either.
Our emotions are a deeply powerful part of our experience of life, which is why they are so important in connecting more deeply with other people. Women are generally much more aware of how they feel than us men are, partly because they're biologically wired that way, and partly because they've usually spent a lot more time talking over their feelings with their girlfriends. Most men on the other hand are often out of practise when it comes to relating emotionally, because it's often been seen as weak, or as a poor second to relating intellectually.… Continue reading…
Life can be hard and we all need a little support from time-to-time. I spend a lot of my time coaching other people, and being coached myself; I find it tremendously rewarding connecting with others and helping them get past obstacles int heir life that I've struggled with too. If you're stuck and don't know where to turn, contact me so we can line up a time to talk over Skype and see if I can help you in person. Often just having someone else there who understands where we're coming from can help lessen our isolation and build our self-confidence.
Just this morning I had a call from someone who was overcome with anxiety and desperate to know what to do. I've been there myself, so I could offer empathy and reassure them that they were going to be OK. After a while talking to me, they felt much calmer and more able to cope with what they were going through.
Here's some of the feedback I've been getting lately from people I talk to:
"I wish I'd had that conversation with you twenty years ago Graham"
- Paul, Chatswood Australia
"I cannot overstate how much talking to you has helped me.… Continue reading…
Ever worry that you're going to run out of things to say when talking to a woman? It seems like the more attractive the women, the more fearful I get of that awkward silence when I don't know what to say. One solution is to learn a bunch of canned routines and prefabricated stories that we can punch out to avoid the awkwardness; but using other guy's stuff grates on me and somehow I never get around to polishing my own stories for use in social situations. I'd rather be spontaneous and live in-the-moment, responding to the flow of conversation rather than trying to control and manipulate it all the time. If only there were a way to learn how to do that...
Well it turns out there is!
Over the last few months I've fallen in love with Theatrical Improvisation, also known as Improv. This is the technique that comedians and actors use to be spontaneous on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway, and the results are often hilarious. Lately I've been doing every Improv class and workshop I can get to. The rules of Improv really appeal to me because they're all about freeing yourself from your own constraints and letting your natural creativity flow spontaneously.… Continue reading…
The way we speak in conversation with other people says a lot about how confident we feel, yet we're often unaware of the subtle nuances of the way we're communicating and the resulting message we're sending about our self-image to other people. Simply changing the way we converse can boost our general level of confidence. When we hear ourselves communicating more effectively it reminds us of our innate power and inner confidence. And when others experience us as a powerful communicator, we connect better, gain greater trust and respect, and become the sort of person other people want to be around.
So here are some simple, easy ways to converse with greater confidence:
Be Clear and Direct, Avoiding Waffle
Ever notice how some people you talk with say the same thing over and over, rephrasing their point in different ways without ever stopping to ever see if you got it or not? As they waffle on and on, you find yourself losing interest and feeling confused about what it is they are really saying.
Confident communication is clear, direct and succinct. The fewer words you can make a point in, the more powerful it will be. Strunk and White's advice in their classic book on writing The Elements of Style is equally applicable when speaking: make every word tell.… Continue reading…