Hey there, it's Graham from The Confident Man Project with an idea for you and here's something I never had the guts to do back before I worked for myself, but that's okay. I can still suggest it. You might want to do it. And that is to be able to go and ask your boss for a raise.

This is particularly important if you feel that you're not being paid your worth and you're a hard-worker. You do a really great job and you just feel as though maybe you deserve a little bit more in your paycheck and you want to push your comfort zone, step outside and do something that's a little bit challenging; then it's a great idea to go and ask your boss for a raise.

Here's how I recommend you go about doing this. Now, the first thing is that in order to qualify for a raise, you really need to actually be doing a good job. Don't just pussyfoot around. It's important for you for your self-esteem and for your sense of contribution to the world that you actually put in a decent effort at your work. If you don't enjoy what you're doing at your job, then quit. Go do something else. That's what I did. I was miserable so I just said, "Well, fuck this, I'm out of here."

If you hate what you're doing, then go find something that you will be able to enjoy so that you can put a bit of passion into your work. This is really important for a man to have, passion in what it is that he's doing in his job.

That's step number 1. Do a good job. Go beyond the call. If you're in a system where you get performance reviews, then make sure that you're consistently getting above average performance reviews and that your boss knows that you are contributing in a massive way and making a real difference out there.

Aim to be a bit competitive about it. Aim to do a better job than the other guys that are working around you so that you can then move on to step 2 which is asking your boss for a raise.

The way to do this is simply to say "Hey, can I have a bit of a chat with you" to your boss and he says, "Yeah, okay." Make sure it's a time when he's available to actually talk. You don't want to have this conversation if your boss is stressed out doing a bunch of stuff. So if you sense that he is stressed out and is not in a receptive mood, then it's a good idea to say, "Hey, it looks like you're pretty busy. Can I schedule a time with you later?" And get him to just book it in down the track because his schedule is going to be open if you book far enough ahead.

Then when you actually get together with him, say, "Hey, look, I've been thinking about my performance and what I'm wanting out of life for my job and how I'm contributing here. And, you know, I've been feeling as though maybe I'm not being paid as much as how I would like and that I'm not being fully valued by the company. So I'd really be interested in a five per cent, seven per cent, 10 per cent" - whatever it is that you think your worth - "pay rise."

After you've finished delivering this statement of what it is that you want, then just stop talking. A lot of us get into the mistake when we're nervous and we're asking for something of just continuing to rabbit on and on and on. And the longer that we talk, the more we just dilute the message that we're trying to give.

Good messages are short and sharp, and competent salespeople know that when you make an offer to a customer, after you've made the offer you stop talking. This is going to make you feel a little uncomfortable because now you're in the zone where you've said what you want and you're waiting for the response and you don't know whether it's going to be in your favor or not in your favor.

You just need to learn to be able to sit with that discomfort and say it's okay. It's going to make the other person feel a little uncomfortable too if they're not expecting this request from you, and what you want to do is to use that discomfort to your advantage because it's going to motivate them to say the next thing, and salespeople know that the person that speaks first is the person that caves in and ends up giving you what you want.

What you want to do is say that you would like a raise and then just wait and see what your boss replies with.

Now, you don't want to get into an argument with your boss about why you need a raise. If he asks you for some reasons as to justify what you've done, then you're going to need to have some solid reasons to back up why your performance has gone above and beyond that you can simply recite to him, just as matters of fact. You want to keep as much emotion out of this situation as possible.

Obviously you're going to be feeling quite anxious asking your boss for a raise, particularly if you don't get on with him very well, and that's why it's very important to establish rapport with your boss just through your daily work life. And you really want to be known around your office and by your boss as the guy that doesn't cause trouble, that gets the job done, that produces results and that is there on time. Even little things like just being there on time when the day starts are important because they all reflect on your professionalism, and this is going to come into your boss's head when you go and say, "Hey, I think I'm worth more."

So, guys, give this a go. Have a bit of a chat to your boss. I know economic times are not the best at the moment, but it's an interesting way to stretch your comfort zone and just see. You never know what your boss thinks your worth if you don't ever ask, and in some companies people get complacent and they don't necessarily give pay rises just for the heck of it.

Sometimes if you want to get what you want in life, you need to learn how to ask for it. And part of that is learning how to say no when what you want is not immediately available. A lot of us avoid even asking for what we want because we're so afraid of getting that no that's devastating to our self-esteem, and the only way to get past that is to actually start asking for what you want and then learning to accept a yes when you get a yes and a no when you get a no.

This is a great way of stretching your confidence. So give it a go and let me know how you go.

Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney

I struggled for years with low self-esteem, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence before finding a solution that really worked. I created The Confident Man Program to help other men live the life of their dreams. I also offer 1-on-1 coaching via Skype so if you related to this article contact me about coaching.


Graham Stoney

Graham Stoney · March 23, 2015 at 11:47 pm

Good plan! 🙂

Peter Tuziak · March 23, 2015 at 4:40 pm

Another great article although I work in the public service which makes asking for a raise a bit difficult. I might ask for a promotion instead.

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