Learning to go for, yet stay in 'my place of balance' is a trick I'm still mastering.

I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, and I'm really glad you found the article helpful. This has certainly been a challenging part of my life journey and I'd be really grateful if you could share the article with other guys too.

The book has one chapter dealing specifically with Religion, but it's really more about practical steps to build the confidence you were supposed to have in the first place. Religion has such a wide impact and the steps address many of the problems it causes; but for other guys the same problems were caused by other issues like having controlling parents. So the book really isn't Christian-specific, it's Human-specific. You may find some steps more powerful than others, and some you may have already completed; but if you relate to my story then what worked (and continues to work) for me is likely to work for you.

You don't need to feel alone any more, nor put up with the glazed look in the eyes of those who haven't got-it yet. I know many men who are recovering from all kinds of distorted childhood conditioning and we are out there making a difference in the world by facing up to our issues rather than just avoiding them, which organised religion often tends to do. I'd love to discuss this more on the forums. Great to connect with you!

Cheers,
Graham

I'm really surprised to finally come across such an article as yours. It could have been written word for word by me. I always wondered if others had been as profoundly affected by this kind of Christian upbringing as I experienced, and this just proves that I'm not alone. Thank you for writing this. I won't tell my story because it mirrors what you've written to a tee. However, I did eventually leave the church, first bothered, then angry, and later confused by all I was taught and how it had affected every aspect of my life, from External things such as money, relationships, career perspective, to Internal things such as guilt, shame, motivation, purpose, and of course self-esteem.

It's been about 12 years since I first woke up to how my upbringing had affected me so deeply. Interestingly, almost all the steps you lay out in the "How to recover.." page are ones I've previously worked through, (Seeking out non-Christians, getting angry, etc.) Again, I'm really quite amazed I found your site. And I should point out that I do intend to buy your book. I am curious, how much of the material in the book is specific to the issues of the Christian upbringing, or does it describe confidence building from a general standpoint?

I will also say, that I have felt so alone in this struggle all these years. My entire family considers me a lost sheep and I no longer associate with my old church friends. I guess I always wanted someone to validate what I experienced upon breaking away from all this. I never doubted what I was doing, but it left me in the middle of a desert, and with a junk pile in my brain to sort out. I had to spend years sifting through what had happened, what I now believed, and who I was. My non-Christian friends listen but can't relate. Their advice has always been to just stop thinking about it. But as you know, it takes more than that.

Lastly, I sometimes wonder how my family or the other church people can go on as they do, with the philosophy they are living by. It just seems so unhealthy and unproductive. And more specifically, how can they live this way and ever achieve success or self-actualize. It seems they are living in a very small cage of understanding and beliefs, yet this system apparently works for them. Personally I see the philosophy they live by as very very limiting.

Graham. From the bottom of my heart thank you for writing this blog and book.

John